Hey there I thought I might write a quick update on what is happening here in the moment.
Well it’s Wednesday and I am almost done working in the facility for crazy people.
I’m sad because I liked the work and I loved the people.
As its time to say good bye to a lot of people I get feedback all the time.
The feedback is surprisingly good and a lot of people would like me to stay. but as I need to go fulltime in my internship so I won’t be able to do so. I am told over and over again I should do something social as studies and yes it is in my thoughts. I am too late for something this year so I would have to wait an entire year and that scares me off. I pray about it and maybe god will speak to me in a clear way about this.
I will continue to pursue architecture and I will start the program as soon as I can but I will be open for change if god wants me to move to something else.
...pause...
If you know me you will know that I have discovered the hobby photography while I was on the ship.
it became a real pleasure since I am back to do even more in this direction.
I was able to get more equipment and to teach myself some more skills. Well as I am not doing any digital photography i have to spend a lot of money on the developing of my analog films and to scan them.
in the last days I was able to purchase not only a new scanner for myself but also special equipment so that from now on I will be able to develop film by myself.
This gives me the opportunity to spend less on developing the films as I only need the chemicals. On the long run I hope to save some money in doing everything myself but also to learn some useful skills.
it was last night that I realized a HUGE danger in my hobby.
I lied awake in bed last night and I was not able to sleep.
I knew it was not the heat or the stress I had about uni and work as all I could think of was the photography. Some will now say well what’s the problem isn’t this great?
True I found a hobby that is fun and that I can use to be creative BUT in the last days and well specially the last hours I realized that my mind, my money, my time, almost everything is going into this one thing. When I come home I play around with the cameras do research or go online to look for cheep film. I spend way too much on this one thing that keeps popping up in my mind.
It’s not that I feel bad about it but rather that a question appears in my mind “where is your focus right now?”. It’s not that I have no QT with god or that I don’t pray and read my bible but I realize that photography has taken a place in my mind and heart that I had kept free for god.
I know that it’s not wrong to have a hobby and I know that I can glorify god with what I am doing but if this is more important to me than God himself than I am doing something wrong.
As I had some extreme experiences in Syria with the fact that total strangers took all my personal stuff, I developed an attitude towards my personal belongings that now is and hopefully will always be part of my life. I said to myself I will never own something that I am not willing to give away anytime if it is pleasing to god. And with something I mean anything, beginning with my laptop all the way up to my bible. In the last months I have created a quiet impressive collection of old cameras.
If I now stand in my room and see them and then ask myself the question if I would be willing to just give them away or to have them taken away from me, I need a second to answer it.
I realize that this hobby of mine these cameras and other equipment is bringing me to my limits in this attitude.
Now I am facing the challenge to find a balance between having this as a hobby but not let it control my life. I see over and over again how important it is that we live a focused life and that even the smallest thing can make us turn away from the one we have chosen to live for.
A friend once said to me that the first thing we do when we are bored is our idol.
The bible is clear that idols are not good and that we need to focus on god all the time.
It’s like I have to gain control over the photography and not allow it to control me.
...pause end...
Well these are just some thoughts that came to mind earlier today.
I hope your all are doing well and that you are strong in your faith with god.
Be blessed and be a blessing
sebi
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
my personal roaler coaster
I’m on a journey with god, a journey full of his blessings and his guidance.
My last weeks have been very stressful and not really what I had in mind but I now look back and see god’s hands in all of it.
I still don’t feel right being here it does not feel like I belong here and I ask myself where my real home is but I know that god wants me to be here in the moment and I dare not question him.
But what happened in my last days/weeks.
I came back from Syria and only two weeks later I started to work in a facility for crazy people that do have a drug addiction. It is a really interesting working place and I love to invest in the people that I am working with. At the same time I am doing an internship in a carpenter shop. My days are full and really long but I see the blessings in it rather than the stress.
I applied for a few uni programs as I came back from the ship and one of them was architecture. in june I went to the uni to take a test and well I passed which came as a surprise for me.
I had not prepared for it at all as I just came back from Syria and my mind was somewhere else. So I went just because I thought it might be fun and I would be able to tell my kids I once took a test in architecture but failed. Well this story will now look a bit different I guess.
I have to finish 4 weeks if internship before I start the program on the first of September and I have to finish another 4 weeks until the third semester but because I was told its better to finish all 8 weeks before the start of the program I decided to jump into 8 weeks internship at once. So from now on I will be doing two internships right up to the first of September. In the moment its going well but it is a challenge. As you can imagine it’s hard to work in the mornings in the facility and in the afternoons and evenings to work in the internship. Gladly my commitment with the facility is finishing this Friday. I was asked to extend but I can’t as from Monday onwards I will be doing the internship full time.
because of the internships i will not be able to participate in some already planned events that i thought of attending in july and august. one of them a youth trip down to greece with my youth church. i was supossed to go as a leader but i am now out. gladly i am able to still do some of the things but now only on weekends. so i will end up heading down to munich on the 20st of august to go skydiving with my big brother :)
I have no peace about the architecture program and I struggle seeing myself doing it but it’s the best shot I have in the moment and I somehow feel like god I calling me for a challenge that I would have never picked myself. So I will be patient and wait and maybe god will open a door along the way.
one of my best friends gave me this quote “Sometimes the Lord leads you down a street to get you to another street to get you to a side street you wouldn't find any other way." (Mark Batterson).
I know that god has a plan for my life and I trust him.
if he wants me to do architecture I do architecture if he wants me to do something else I do something else and If he wants me to have no clue at all what I will be doing in a few weeks time if the door closes for architecture I will have no clue. It’s a peace I have a peace that comes from god if I think about the fact that he knows. I mean think about it yourself he has a plan he knows everything and I mean everything. all we need to do is to let go and to trust him.
Sidebar- we hit the 40 degrees in the last days and just as I write this a huge thunderstorm starts to build up you can already smell the rain. Its dark outside as the sun is hidden by the monstrous rain clouds. A nice flash goes off not too far away and what follows is the amazing sound of a the roaring thunder. I love thunderstorms and I am glad that with the rain comes the cool air. Good day :)
My re entry became harder as I thought. While I was in germany after coming back from the ship I had a really good time And I was surprised that I did not struggle at all being back home. Bus now coming back from Syria it really hit me. I am sure that one part of it was the excitement I had to leave again for Syria that made me not miss the ship. But now because I know that I will be here for a while I start to miss what has been my home for the last 1 and a half years and believe me this time has been the most exhausting most challenging and most blessed time of my life so far.
Life goes on doesn’t it?!
it a choice we have. do we let ourselves fall into this hole that is there after coming back from the ship or do we fight and allow god to fill this hole with himself? It is a fight and not an easy one but it’s is a fight that is already wone, wone by the one who was our motivation to go in the first place. Jesus knows our pain and he knows our desires and he has a plan, in which he will use us and our experiences to share the gospel in a way that will give him the most glory.
but its your choice do you allow yourself to move on and to use what you learned or will you be stuck in the past and not able to move on?
I miss you guys and I hope that you are doing well.
I hope I will see some of you soon again.
maybe at somebody’s wedding or some other kind of doulos reunion ;)
Be blessed and be a blessing
sebi
My last weeks have been very stressful and not really what I had in mind but I now look back and see god’s hands in all of it.
I still don’t feel right being here it does not feel like I belong here and I ask myself where my real home is but I know that god wants me to be here in the moment and I dare not question him.
But what happened in my last days/weeks.
I came back from Syria and only two weeks later I started to work in a facility for crazy people that do have a drug addiction. It is a really interesting working place and I love to invest in the people that I am working with. At the same time I am doing an internship in a carpenter shop. My days are full and really long but I see the blessings in it rather than the stress.
I applied for a few uni programs as I came back from the ship and one of them was architecture. in june I went to the uni to take a test and well I passed which came as a surprise for me.
I had not prepared for it at all as I just came back from Syria and my mind was somewhere else. So I went just because I thought it might be fun and I would be able to tell my kids I once took a test in architecture but failed. Well this story will now look a bit different I guess.
I have to finish 4 weeks if internship before I start the program on the first of September and I have to finish another 4 weeks until the third semester but because I was told its better to finish all 8 weeks before the start of the program I decided to jump into 8 weeks internship at once. So from now on I will be doing two internships right up to the first of September. In the moment its going well but it is a challenge. As you can imagine it’s hard to work in the mornings in the facility and in the afternoons and evenings to work in the internship. Gladly my commitment with the facility is finishing this Friday. I was asked to extend but I can’t as from Monday onwards I will be doing the internship full time.
because of the internships i will not be able to participate in some already planned events that i thought of attending in july and august. one of them a youth trip down to greece with my youth church. i was supossed to go as a leader but i am now out. gladly i am able to still do some of the things but now only on weekends. so i will end up heading down to munich on the 20st of august to go skydiving with my big brother :)
I have no peace about the architecture program and I struggle seeing myself doing it but it’s the best shot I have in the moment and I somehow feel like god I calling me for a challenge that I would have never picked myself. So I will be patient and wait and maybe god will open a door along the way.
one of my best friends gave me this quote “Sometimes the Lord leads you down a street to get you to another street to get you to a side street you wouldn't find any other way." (Mark Batterson).
I know that god has a plan for my life and I trust him.
if he wants me to do architecture I do architecture if he wants me to do something else I do something else and If he wants me to have no clue at all what I will be doing in a few weeks time if the door closes for architecture I will have no clue. It’s a peace I have a peace that comes from god if I think about the fact that he knows. I mean think about it yourself he has a plan he knows everything and I mean everything. all we need to do is to let go and to trust him.
Sidebar- we hit the 40 degrees in the last days and just as I write this a huge thunderstorm starts to build up you can already smell the rain. Its dark outside as the sun is hidden by the monstrous rain clouds. A nice flash goes off not too far away and what follows is the amazing sound of a the roaring thunder. I love thunderstorms and I am glad that with the rain comes the cool air. Good day :)
My re entry became harder as I thought. While I was in germany after coming back from the ship I had a really good time And I was surprised that I did not struggle at all being back home. Bus now coming back from Syria it really hit me. I am sure that one part of it was the excitement I had to leave again for Syria that made me not miss the ship. But now because I know that I will be here for a while I start to miss what has been my home for the last 1 and a half years and believe me this time has been the most exhausting most challenging and most blessed time of my life so far.
Life goes on doesn’t it?!
it a choice we have. do we let ourselves fall into this hole that is there after coming back from the ship or do we fight and allow god to fill this hole with himself? It is a fight and not an easy one but it’s is a fight that is already wone, wone by the one who was our motivation to go in the first place. Jesus knows our pain and he knows our desires and he has a plan, in which he will use us and our experiences to share the gospel in a way that will give him the most glory.
but its your choice do you allow yourself to move on and to use what you learned or will you be stuck in the past and not able to move on?
I miss you guys and I hope that you are doing well.
I hope I will see some of you soon again.
maybe at somebody’s wedding or some other kind of doulos reunion ;)
Be blessed and be a blessing
sebi
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