i have had an amazing weekend in winnenden with jana, jenny and katrina.
it felt so good to just spent time together and well do nothing, but also something.
i am back in mosbach and after a rough night i am feeling a bit tired.
as i try to figure out what could be next for me in the future, i am taking advantage of the fact, that i can talk with so many people who have been in my situation before.
i just finished talking with somebody who has been in the middle east and is now here in mosbach working in the office. it felt great to talk about my desires and ideas and to hear his opinion. i feel like he awoke a feeling that i shut down a while ago.
it is great to have so many people around you, who can tell you so many amazing things, but in the end it is your decision and your life. i know that i have to do what is meeting my desire and dreams and i know that if i don't i will not be happy. but what do you do if you are alone with these thoughts if somebody comes along and tells you off.
one thing i learned again in the last few days was to live in the now and here.
jenny shared this thought with me yesterday and it hit me. and today in the conversation mentioned earlier the person brought up the same thing.
you are in charge of your life and you have to take decisions and you have to live.
i can get up everyday and think about all these things that i miss that i do not have or i can get up and think about what i do have and where i am. nobody can tell me how i feel it is only me myself. i need to realize that this, being in mosbach is an amazing chance to breath, to talk things out and to enjoy the time i have with amazing friends. i can also ruin it, if i focus to much on the things i do not have.
yes i do not have the chance anymore to get up and walk around on a 95 years old ship and use my skills i have learned to keep this thing afloat. but i do have the chance to get up and talk with people i haven't seen in a long time. live in the now and here and enjoy what god has given you before you wake up again and realize live is so busy and you miss the times you had free time and not really a idea about how your day will look like.
yes i am back home.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
a week ago i left home
its been a week really?
7 days ago i squeezed my butt into a airplane and left the country singapore.
i felt amazing relieved, happy and excited i was happy to be able to see some of the best friends in my life again and i could not wait to be able to just sleep in.
now one week later, i am still not able to sleep in (jet lag)
i am glad to be here and i have learned a lot in the last few days.
i am slowly arriving, so with every morning i do feel a little bit more "home"
i made it a ritual to go running in the mornings.
there is a sports field close to the mill (15 min walk) and so i do warm up and try to get back into sprint. it has been a while since i was able to push myself into sprint.
on the ship i was more into long distance (thanks to michael).
it feels strange the pain after a 100meter sprint that does not allow you to really breath. all you can do is try to get as much air in as possible under a lot of pain.
it is funny, but thats how i feel about life right now.
the last 18 month's i sprinted and gave my best. i got exhausted and tired.
and in the moment i finished and can rest it hurts and it is hard to breath.
all that helps is being patient and trusting that the pain will leave.
we will visit jana for the weekend and i am excited.
we will meet her friends and see where she lives.
the weekend after that we will go to vienna to visit jennys home.
i am looking forward for the next few days.
but i also miss my mum a lot (ja und wie)
ok, i need to go.
thanks for reading and for praying.
good bless
sebi
PS: oh and i shaved.
7 days ago i squeezed my butt into a airplane and left the country singapore.
i felt amazing relieved, happy and excited i was happy to be able to see some of the best friends in my life again and i could not wait to be able to just sleep in.
now one week later, i am still not able to sleep in (jet lag)
i am glad to be here and i have learned a lot in the last few days.
i am slowly arriving, so with every morning i do feel a little bit more "home"
i made it a ritual to go running in the mornings.
there is a sports field close to the mill (15 min walk) and so i do warm up and try to get back into sprint. it has been a while since i was able to push myself into sprint.
on the ship i was more into long distance (thanks to michael).
it feels strange the pain after a 100meter sprint that does not allow you to really breath. all you can do is try to get as much air in as possible under a lot of pain.
it is funny, but thats how i feel about life right now.
the last 18 month's i sprinted and gave my best. i got exhausted and tired.
and in the moment i finished and can rest it hurts and it is hard to breath.
all that helps is being patient and trusting that the pain will leave.
we will visit jana for the weekend and i am excited.
we will meet her friends and see where she lives.
the weekend after that we will go to vienna to visit jennys home.
i am looking forward for the next few days.
but i also miss my mum a lot (ja und wie)
ok, i need to go.
thanks for reading and for praying.
good bless
sebi
PS: oh and i shaved.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
the silence after the storm
i thought about a fitting title for a while now, but i think this one hits it the best.
i am sitting in my cabin (...room) in the mill right now and all i can hear is the sound of NOTHING. if my laptop would not be on and i would not be tipping this, i would really hear nothing.
but then here the funny thing, as soon as i would start listening i would hear everything. the "river" next door, the birds outside, sometimes even the wind. sadly i can also hear jenny coifing next door. she got sick on the way to germany and is now spending most of her time in bed. i could hear people walking a floor under me and i could pick up conversations next door.
the silence, but also the ability to listen to things, that are more than 5 meters away is something that i have to get used to again. on the ship all you hear is the aircom, something annoying vibrating in the background. the farest thing you can hear is your cabin mate next door playing guitar (wone Lee).
being here makes everything so different.
i was walking around the other day and i could smell all these different things that i had not smelled in years. i ended up stopping at almost every tree taking a deep breath. the air is so clear and it has a taste. i love walking around and enjoying the sun and the fresh air.
katrina and i went out for a walk yesterday and on the way back, we met my old english teacher. he was on his way to his car and after katrina "kicked" me in the butt and told me i should just say hi, i went to the car knocked on the window and said "hello, i am not sure if you remember me..." i was not even able to finish the sentence before he smiled at me and said "yes your are sebastian". ok it has been almost 10 years since i have seen him or spoken to him. i would say i grew and i changed, but for him it only took a few seconds and he was able to remember me. he said my smile was what he could remember. we had a small chat and switched from german to english, as katrina was there.
it was amazing to realize that the student succeeded the master :)
it is now almost a week ago that i have left the ship.
i am totally jetlaged, which is great for getting up early in the orning, but not so great for staying up late. my body feels funny, as i am experiencing again the effects cold weather can have on you. i got a little cold on the way back in the airplane, but made it trough. jenny instead is sick and fighting with a ugly cold.
i wish i could tell you i am so happy to be here and it could not be better, but i am sure that the most of you know that would be a lie. i am ok...kind of ok. i have amazing people around , that really do help me to feel better, to arrive safely and they listen. as i am inmosbach in the moment i have the blessing to have katrina and jenny with me (two of my best friends from the ship). for both of them it is not as hard as it is for me, as they are in transition and i am in re entry. the first weekend was lets try to say difficult. still i do struggle with the thought that i am back home but not really. i grew up in mosbach so i do know the city (town) very well. as soon as i am alone in my cabin (room) and have time to think. i do feel alone, like the only one knowing what i went trough. but then i realize, that jenny and katrina are just next door and i do have ships feelings again. i feel like a ship tossed in the waves. one the one hand i am here kind of at home but on the other hand i am still with friends from the ship so kind of there.
*deep breath* life is amazing...
one thing that helps me to realize it will get better is to see some of my friends. i follow up some of the blogs of friends that have left the ship kind of with me, just a few weeks earlier. and to see how they are doing gives me the hope that in the end all of this will go away and i will feel ok.
it is funny to be here right now as their is a seminar going on right now for people who are interested in joining OM. so one of the first things that i did was speaking to them and sharing a bit about what i have learned.
well as my mind is playing tricks on me right now, i will leave this entry as it is and come back later sometime.
be blessed friends
sebi
the 4 of us Jana, Jenny, me and Katrina
a field in mosbach
sebi on the field in mosbach ;)
and mosbach itself
i am sitting in my cabin (...room) in the mill right now and all i can hear is the sound of NOTHING. if my laptop would not be on and i would not be tipping this, i would really hear nothing.
but then here the funny thing, as soon as i would start listening i would hear everything. the "river" next door, the birds outside, sometimes even the wind. sadly i can also hear jenny coifing next door. she got sick on the way to germany and is now spending most of her time in bed. i could hear people walking a floor under me and i could pick up conversations next door.
the silence, but also the ability to listen to things, that are more than 5 meters away is something that i have to get used to again. on the ship all you hear is the aircom, something annoying vibrating in the background. the farest thing you can hear is your cabin mate next door playing guitar (wone Lee).
being here makes everything so different.
i was walking around the other day and i could smell all these different things that i had not smelled in years. i ended up stopping at almost every tree taking a deep breath. the air is so clear and it has a taste. i love walking around and enjoying the sun and the fresh air.
katrina and i went out for a walk yesterday and on the way back, we met my old english teacher. he was on his way to his car and after katrina "kicked" me in the butt and told me i should just say hi, i went to the car knocked on the window and said "hello, i am not sure if you remember me..." i was not even able to finish the sentence before he smiled at me and said "yes your are sebastian". ok it has been almost 10 years since i have seen him or spoken to him. i would say i grew and i changed, but for him it only took a few seconds and he was able to remember me. he said my smile was what he could remember. we had a small chat and switched from german to english, as katrina was there.
it was amazing to realize that the student succeeded the master :)
it is now almost a week ago that i have left the ship.
i am totally jetlaged, which is great for getting up early in the orning, but not so great for staying up late. my body feels funny, as i am experiencing again the effects cold weather can have on you. i got a little cold on the way back in the airplane, but made it trough. jenny instead is sick and fighting with a ugly cold.
i wish i could tell you i am so happy to be here and it could not be better, but i am sure that the most of you know that would be a lie. i am ok...kind of ok. i have amazing people around , that really do help me to feel better, to arrive safely and they listen. as i am inmosbach in the moment i have the blessing to have katrina and jenny with me (two of my best friends from the ship). for both of them it is not as hard as it is for me, as they are in transition and i am in re entry. the first weekend was lets try to say difficult. still i do struggle with the thought that i am back home but not really. i grew up in mosbach so i do know the city (town) very well. as soon as i am alone in my cabin (room) and have time to think. i do feel alone, like the only one knowing what i went trough. but then i realize, that jenny and katrina are just next door and i do have ships feelings again. i feel like a ship tossed in the waves. one the one hand i am here kind of at home but on the other hand i am still with friends from the ship so kind of there.
*deep breath* life is amazing...
one thing that helps me to realize it will get better is to see some of my friends. i follow up some of the blogs of friends that have left the ship kind of with me, just a few weeks earlier. and to see how they are doing gives me the hope that in the end all of this will go away and i will feel ok.
it is funny to be here right now as their is a seminar going on right now for people who are interested in joining OM. so one of the first things that i did was speaking to them and sharing a bit about what i have learned.
well as my mind is playing tricks on me right now, i will leave this entry as it is and come back later sometime.
be blessed friends
sebi
the 4 of us Jana, Jenny, me and Katrina
a field in mosbach
sebi on the field in mosbach ;)
and mosbach itself
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
ok here only a few, as our internet sucks right now
this is our dining room believe me at meal times it is not much fuller
our empty main lounge used for packing boxes
the starboard lounge ready for the handover
our promdeck
my room...i know its a mess, but i'm packing
more pictures maybe later. sorry it uploaded the boring ones first ;)
this is our dining room believe me at meal times it is not much fuller
our empty main lounge used for packing boxes
the starboard lounge ready for the handover
our promdeck 
my room...i know its a mess, but i'm packingmore pictures maybe later. sorry it uploaded the boring ones first ;)
almost there
it is now 1pm and in less than 24 hours i will leave the doulos.
the last few days have been a huge blessing.
in the moment we found out that we have our tickets i was so relieved and happy.
now i can say i am ready to go.
we will be flying with imirates and have the privilagde of 30kilos.
i was a bit scared, that i would not be able to get everything back home, but i am confident that i will. i have not finished packing yet, but it looks good.
seelan is back on the ship and along with him mark dimond and edwuard david.
it is great to have them hear and to be able to see them one more time.
we will have the official hand over in less than 3 hours.
in the evening, there will be a celebration on the ship with catering from shore and around 30 guests. we will be celebrating the fact that god has something in mind with the doulos for the future.
in the last couple of days i have had amazing conversations with my cabine mate.
he is from canada and a great example for me. we have talked a lot about our lifes and about how we see what is hapening with the ship. well one of our fears is that in all these things, that are going on the ship will be gloryfied and not god.
if this will be the fact, we will have failed our goal and deserve to perish.
may god fogive those who do not look at him in the first place.
yesterday evening i was about to pack my runing cloths.
as i was about to put them in my backpack, i remembered that i had promissed michael our chief mate to go runing with him one last time. it was late in the evening, as we hit the road. he seemed very excited and so we ended up runing in a high speed that i was only able to hold up with for half the run. i queitly asked him to slow down in the middle. as we where almost back at the ship he shared with me how frustrating it can be in a marathon to have somebody getting before you and speeding up. in the moment he finished saying this he set ahead and went off. i saved my energy for a last sprint and met him with a smile at the gate, as we arrived at the same time. michael has been a huge blessing for me. he has always been there to listen, to give advice and kick me in those moments i needed it. he has always been leading as an example and his humbly attetude has been a hige encouragment for us all. he and his wife will leave with us tomorrow morning and we will fly together to dubai and then split up there. i will not only miss the runs, but more his frienldy and caring heart. we have had more than one good prayer time and i am so thankful to be accepted for who i am without being jugded. thank you michael
well as we are leaving singapore, we took the chances to say goodbye to those who became our friends in singapore. we met up with two of our friends last week and had a great time. janice took us out for dinner in a nice music bar and we had a good time laughing and sharing. dina took jenny and me out just two days ago and we had dinner with her as well. both are amazing people and both will have a special place in our hearts. thank you
well, it is time for me to continue packing.
i might take the chance and walk around one last time to take some pictures and if i get the chance, i will upload them.
god bless you
sebi
the last few days have been a huge blessing.
in the moment we found out that we have our tickets i was so relieved and happy.
now i can say i am ready to go.
we will be flying with imirates and have the privilagde of 30kilos.
i was a bit scared, that i would not be able to get everything back home, but i am confident that i will. i have not finished packing yet, but it looks good.
seelan is back on the ship and along with him mark dimond and edwuard david.
it is great to have them hear and to be able to see them one more time.
we will have the official hand over in less than 3 hours.
in the evening, there will be a celebration on the ship with catering from shore and around 30 guests. we will be celebrating the fact that god has something in mind with the doulos for the future.
in the last couple of days i have had amazing conversations with my cabine mate.
he is from canada and a great example for me. we have talked a lot about our lifes and about how we see what is hapening with the ship. well one of our fears is that in all these things, that are going on the ship will be gloryfied and not god.
if this will be the fact, we will have failed our goal and deserve to perish.
may god fogive those who do not look at him in the first place.
yesterday evening i was about to pack my runing cloths.
as i was about to put them in my backpack, i remembered that i had promissed michael our chief mate to go runing with him one last time. it was late in the evening, as we hit the road. he seemed very excited and so we ended up runing in a high speed that i was only able to hold up with for half the run. i queitly asked him to slow down in the middle. as we where almost back at the ship he shared with me how frustrating it can be in a marathon to have somebody getting before you and speeding up. in the moment he finished saying this he set ahead and went off. i saved my energy for a last sprint and met him with a smile at the gate, as we arrived at the same time. michael has been a huge blessing for me. he has always been there to listen, to give advice and kick me in those moments i needed it. he has always been leading as an example and his humbly attetude has been a hige encouragment for us all. he and his wife will leave with us tomorrow morning and we will fly together to dubai and then split up there. i will not only miss the runs, but more his frienldy and caring heart. we have had more than one good prayer time and i am so thankful to be accepted for who i am without being jugded. thank you michael
well as we are leaving singapore, we took the chances to say goodbye to those who became our friends in singapore. we met up with two of our friends last week and had a great time. janice took us out for dinner in a nice music bar and we had a good time laughing and sharing. dina took jenny and me out just two days ago and we had dinner with her as well. both are amazing people and both will have a special place in our hearts. thank you
well, it is time for me to continue packing.
i might take the chance and walk around one last time to take some pictures and if i get the chance, i will upload them.
god bless you
sebi
Monday, March 15, 2010
just short and quick
WE HAVE OUR TICKETS
it is 2am and i just ran all the way to the computer room to see if it is for real and it is. we received our flight details. i am so happy. i had to shout a few times, glad that the ship is almost empty. i am so excited.
we will leave on the 19th around 9am and arrive on the 19th at around 6:30pm (we fly with the time, so thats why we arrive at the same day)
god is so good. wow, i just skyped with some friends today and it was hard to talk about coming home, as we still had no idea if it was for real, but it is.
again we ARE COMING HOME
haha, so cool!
be blessed
sebi
it is 2am and i just ran all the way to the computer room to see if it is for real and it is. we received our flight details. i am so happy. i had to shout a few times, glad that the ship is almost empty. i am so excited.
we will leave on the 19th around 9am and arrive on the 19th at around 6:30pm (we fly with the time, so thats why we arrive at the same day)
god is so good. wow, i just skyped with some friends today and it was hard to talk about coming home, as we still had no idea if it was for real, but it is.
again we ARE COMING HOME
haha, so cool!
be blessed
sebi
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
stuff
The mystery of dreams
Isn’t funny, you go to bed, you want to rest and sleep but in the moment you finally fall asleep, you start dreaming. Yes of course not all the time, but often enough. I had a time in my life, when I had no dreams and all my classmates were talking about these amazing dreams they had about fighting against dragons or winning a huge car race. No, that was not only in kinder garden or middle school, but also in high school and even here on the ship.
excuse me? fighting against dragons and racing cars, that’s awesome stuff. I mean I had some nice dreams, like flying or having fist fights, but these dreams always ended painful for me. every time I was flying, I woke up on the floor realizing I fall out of bed (and I had a high bed) and when I had fist fights in my dreams, I ended hitting the wall so hard, that I would wake up and could not sleep again because of the pain.
Dreams, what a funny thing! they don’t know how time works, they do not listen to what we want, they always seem to end strange and they create their own world.
I just finished my firerounds on Sunday, and because I had to change my sleeping schedule to work at night, I find it hard to sleep during the times I should. So I am always tired, when I should be awake and the opposite. Today I decided to sleep, and rest nothing more. So I slept and woke up, but stayed in bed and fell asleep again. this went on and on, until I was ready to get up. The strange thing was that I had a dream. A dream that started the first time I fell asleep, but it continued. Every time I woke up and realized, what I just dreamed and fell asleep again it continued where it stopped before. This is new for me. what a strange thing. I started off, being on the ship with friends and along the dream went home, saw friends and went to a birthday party of one of my best friends back home. As I woke up and checked my mails, I had to find out, that this friend who had his birthday party in my dream really has her birthday today. dreams are a funny thing.
I used to dream about me going into my room at home, but because we moved a few times in my life, I would always enter a different room. And so would find myself as a teenager in the room I had, when I was 5 years old. Dreams don’t care about our time they make up their own time. I once had it, that I was in real life thinking about something, that I worked on as a child in my room, but could not remember what it was and the other night then I dreamed being in my room and I could see, what it was. I was working on a ship model that I later on broke while running through my room.
dreams are funny.
Well something more real.
I just finished chatting with a friend in Sydney. He studies there but just moved a few weeks ago. I asked him how he is doing and he shared how hard it is for him. he left the ship in Singapore around 3 months ago. He went back home to hong kong and organized everything for Sydney and then moved. In his last weeks, he moved into a flat with a friend, had to find out the flat was full of cockroaches and fully messed up. After they finished cleaning the flat, which took them a while, they went out and as they came back, they found the flat under water, as the sink broke while they were out. All his stuff was on the floor, because he did not had a table at that point. so all his uni stuff, his papers, his laptop everything got destroyed. He said he is fine, but you could see that it is really hard for him.
this is just one of many stories of my friends who struggle being back home again.
many who leave the ship need to start “real” life and find themselves struggling.
if it is because of a job, because of finances, or spiritually, they all hit the bottom sometime.
and I will as well. This is one of my fears going home again, that I will hit rock…again.
being away for such a long time has its price and we all will pay it sometime.
please keep us in your prayers, as we have to re adjust and get used to “real” life again.
Well, that was sebi dukat live from the MV Doulos.
I wish you all a good day.
be blessed
sebi
Isn’t funny, you go to bed, you want to rest and sleep but in the moment you finally fall asleep, you start dreaming. Yes of course not all the time, but often enough. I had a time in my life, when I had no dreams and all my classmates were talking about these amazing dreams they had about fighting against dragons or winning a huge car race. No, that was not only in kinder garden or middle school, but also in high school and even here on the ship.
excuse me? fighting against dragons and racing cars, that’s awesome stuff. I mean I had some nice dreams, like flying or having fist fights, but these dreams always ended painful for me. every time I was flying, I woke up on the floor realizing I fall out of bed (and I had a high bed) and when I had fist fights in my dreams, I ended hitting the wall so hard, that I would wake up and could not sleep again because of the pain.
Dreams, what a funny thing! they don’t know how time works, they do not listen to what we want, they always seem to end strange and they create their own world.
I just finished my firerounds on Sunday, and because I had to change my sleeping schedule to work at night, I find it hard to sleep during the times I should. So I am always tired, when I should be awake and the opposite. Today I decided to sleep, and rest nothing more. So I slept and woke up, but stayed in bed and fell asleep again. this went on and on, until I was ready to get up. The strange thing was that I had a dream. A dream that started the first time I fell asleep, but it continued. Every time I woke up and realized, what I just dreamed and fell asleep again it continued where it stopped before. This is new for me. what a strange thing. I started off, being on the ship with friends and along the dream went home, saw friends and went to a birthday party of one of my best friends back home. As I woke up and checked my mails, I had to find out, that this friend who had his birthday party in my dream really has her birthday today. dreams are a funny thing.
I used to dream about me going into my room at home, but because we moved a few times in my life, I would always enter a different room. And so would find myself as a teenager in the room I had, when I was 5 years old. Dreams don’t care about our time they make up their own time. I once had it, that I was in real life thinking about something, that I worked on as a child in my room, but could not remember what it was and the other night then I dreamed being in my room and I could see, what it was. I was working on a ship model that I later on broke while running through my room.
dreams are funny.
Well something more real.
I just finished chatting with a friend in Sydney. He studies there but just moved a few weeks ago. I asked him how he is doing and he shared how hard it is for him. he left the ship in Singapore around 3 months ago. He went back home to hong kong and organized everything for Sydney and then moved. In his last weeks, he moved into a flat with a friend, had to find out the flat was full of cockroaches and fully messed up. After they finished cleaning the flat, which took them a while, they went out and as they came back, they found the flat under water, as the sink broke while they were out. All his stuff was on the floor, because he did not had a table at that point. so all his uni stuff, his papers, his laptop everything got destroyed. He said he is fine, but you could see that it is really hard for him.
this is just one of many stories of my friends who struggle being back home again.
many who leave the ship need to start “real” life and find themselves struggling.
if it is because of a job, because of finances, or spiritually, they all hit the bottom sometime.
and I will as well. This is one of my fears going home again, that I will hit rock…again.
being away for such a long time has its price and we all will pay it sometime.
please keep us in your prayers, as we have to re adjust and get used to “real” life again.
Well, that was sebi dukat live from the MV Doulos.
I wish you all a good day.
be blessed
sebi
Friday, March 5, 2010
The final destination, our pool and me being old school
Hello friends
The last few days have been a funny, exhausting and just strange time. We said good bye to the last people, well today we have the very last two leaving. We moved again and are back in tuas, which is not that great, but at least no anchor. We hopefully had our very last and final voyage, which basically means we are now where we will leave the ship for good. So Singapore made it, well that’s how it looks like. No papers are signed yet, no money changed the owner, but it does look good. So we can take a breath and hope, that we finally made it. If that is the case, we will be on our way back home in maybe two weeks. Can you believe that? I never thought, that I would be so happy to leave this ship but believe me it is time. All the other douloids who left while the ship was still the “real” MV Doulos always said “it is so hard”. Well, we will jump and rejoice. Don’t get me wrong, we are very happy to be here and we enjoy the fun we have together and even with now only being 33 people it is still amazing.
Lukas, one of the guys who left today, had a open cabin today. So we gathered with him and just had fellowship. As the time went by, more and more people left and in the end it was only a few of us left, until 11:30pm. At the strike of 11:30, 11 guys rushed in the cabin, crapped him blindfolded him and carried him all the way up to the car deck and well he landed in the pool, followed from all the rest of douloids, which had made its way up. So we had a amazing time in our Pool last night. It was amazing. We had a water basketball fight, German speakers against the rest, which ironically was 6 on 6. With shame do I have to report that we as german speakers lost. But we had a tough fight and everybody who knows what kind of Americans we have left on the ship, will be impressed. The teams: German speakers: Tirza, Jenny, Lukas, Ben (ok almost german speaker), Matthias and me. English speakers: Tommy, Tyler, Thomas Karetti, Kyle, Trajan, Josh. Kyle as the machine was hard to fight, but we had him under control ;)
as we had to empty the pool, before we left kappel bay, we had to fill it up with fresh water. And as we had to get rid of old ballast water, we really filled the pool with freshwater, which is 10 times better then the saltwater. Unbelievable good.
it was a good day, a really good day.
One of the things, that I found for myself being on the ship is the “art” of photography. People who know me, know that I like the old school stuff better then the new things, so I started taking pictures with analog cameras. I had a post around Christmas talking about a LOMO camera, that’s one of the cameras that I used to take some pictures. All in all I used some cameras from some friends to take a whole bunch of films. As I made some friends in Singapore I had the chance to get them developed for less money, that I would normally pay, but believe me it’s still expensive. So I ended up giving 15 films to a friend and I just got them back two days ago. It was like Christmas, really I was so excited and in the moment I opened the envelopes and had a look at the films, I could not stop smiling and jumping around. Wow, they turned out amazing and really I never used some of these cameras before, but the films turned out 90% perfect. I did not had a chance so far to develop my films from the Canon EOS 5, but I am sure that they will be fine as well. I can’t tell you guys, how happy I am. As I took a lot of color slide films, which are really expensive to scan here, I still do not have all of them as a digital copy, but that’s ok, as I got a Nikon film scanner, which allows me to scan all the films myself. Well I will have to wait, until I am back home, but that’s fine. Ok, I will have to wait around 4 months, as I will send my base with the post and I put the scanner together with the base in the case. Well and shipping takes some time, but that’s fine. Really in moments like these I realize, that I think I learned to be patient. Before I would have freaked out and would have tried anything just to get the scanner back home earlier and well the base two. 4 months without my base, will be hard! Oh well, I will survive!
Well my dear friends, I hope you enjoyed reading.
I wish you all a good and blessed day.
here some personal prayer points:
- I have to decide, what I want to study and where. It is not a easy decision and in the moment it is hard to focus on this. I will have to wait until I am back home and do more research.
- I do not know, where I will stay when I am back home, as my parents moved into a smaller flat, when I left. So they do not have room for me. it will be fine for the first few weeks, but in the end I need my own place. Just pray, that I will find something, that will also suite my finances (which are 0 haha)
- That I can stay focused here and use the time I have left to grow and to invest in my friends.
- My family. Some of you know the details. Please just pray, that god will work in the life’s of my siblings.
- But the most important things is, that I will glorify god will all my heart and all my soul. I do not want to miss one opportunity to bring him the most glory, which is not always easy.
Well, that would be it for now.
thank you so much and god bless
sebi
The last few days have been a funny, exhausting and just strange time. We said good bye to the last people, well today we have the very last two leaving. We moved again and are back in tuas, which is not that great, but at least no anchor. We hopefully had our very last and final voyage, which basically means we are now where we will leave the ship for good. So Singapore made it, well that’s how it looks like. No papers are signed yet, no money changed the owner, but it does look good. So we can take a breath and hope, that we finally made it. If that is the case, we will be on our way back home in maybe two weeks. Can you believe that? I never thought, that I would be so happy to leave this ship but believe me it is time. All the other douloids who left while the ship was still the “real” MV Doulos always said “it is so hard”. Well, we will jump and rejoice. Don’t get me wrong, we are very happy to be here and we enjoy the fun we have together and even with now only being 33 people it is still amazing.
Lukas, one of the guys who left today, had a open cabin today. So we gathered with him and just had fellowship. As the time went by, more and more people left and in the end it was only a few of us left, until 11:30pm. At the strike of 11:30, 11 guys rushed in the cabin, crapped him blindfolded him and carried him all the way up to the car deck and well he landed in the pool, followed from all the rest of douloids, which had made its way up. So we had a amazing time in our Pool last night. It was amazing. We had a water basketball fight, German speakers against the rest, which ironically was 6 on 6. With shame do I have to report that we as german speakers lost. But we had a tough fight and everybody who knows what kind of Americans we have left on the ship, will be impressed. The teams: German speakers: Tirza, Jenny, Lukas, Ben (ok almost german speaker), Matthias and me. English speakers: Tommy, Tyler, Thomas Karetti, Kyle, Trajan, Josh. Kyle as the machine was hard to fight, but we had him under control ;)
as we had to empty the pool, before we left kappel bay, we had to fill it up with fresh water. And as we had to get rid of old ballast water, we really filled the pool with freshwater, which is 10 times better then the saltwater. Unbelievable good.
it was a good day, a really good day.
One of the things, that I found for myself being on the ship is the “art” of photography. People who know me, know that I like the old school stuff better then the new things, so I started taking pictures with analog cameras. I had a post around Christmas talking about a LOMO camera, that’s one of the cameras that I used to take some pictures. All in all I used some cameras from some friends to take a whole bunch of films. As I made some friends in Singapore I had the chance to get them developed for less money, that I would normally pay, but believe me it’s still expensive. So I ended up giving 15 films to a friend and I just got them back two days ago. It was like Christmas, really I was so excited and in the moment I opened the envelopes and had a look at the films, I could not stop smiling and jumping around. Wow, they turned out amazing and really I never used some of these cameras before, but the films turned out 90% perfect. I did not had a chance so far to develop my films from the Canon EOS 5, but I am sure that they will be fine as well. I can’t tell you guys, how happy I am. As I took a lot of color slide films, which are really expensive to scan here, I still do not have all of them as a digital copy, but that’s ok, as I got a Nikon film scanner, which allows me to scan all the films myself. Well I will have to wait, until I am back home, but that’s fine. Ok, I will have to wait around 4 months, as I will send my base with the post and I put the scanner together with the base in the case. Well and shipping takes some time, but that’s fine. Really in moments like these I realize, that I think I learned to be patient. Before I would have freaked out and would have tried anything just to get the scanner back home earlier and well the base two. 4 months without my base, will be hard! Oh well, I will survive!
Well my dear friends, I hope you enjoyed reading.
I wish you all a good and blessed day.
here some personal prayer points:
- I have to decide, what I want to study and where. It is not a easy decision and in the moment it is hard to focus on this. I will have to wait until I am back home and do more research.
- I do not know, where I will stay when I am back home, as my parents moved into a smaller flat, when I left. So they do not have room for me. it will be fine for the first few weeks, but in the end I need my own place. Just pray, that I will find something, that will also suite my finances (which are 0 haha)
- That I can stay focused here and use the time I have left to grow and to invest in my friends.
- My family. Some of you know the details. Please just pray, that god will work in the life’s of my siblings.
- But the most important things is, that I will glorify god will all my heart and all my soul. I do not want to miss one opportunity to bring him the most glory, which is not always easy.
Well, that would be it for now.
thank you so much and god bless
sebi
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
finally...finally
we know.
we know so many things in live and we always take it for granted. have you ever helped somebody out of a horrible situation? have you ever asked yourself, why people thank you for helping, if all you can ask is how can i change?
we are finally down to THE number, well almost. from Saturday on, we will be 33 people on the ship and that's it. we had some bad things happen in the last week, so we are down from 35 to 33 people, as 2 people died back home and two of us now need to leave. things are strange her, things will become more strange.
today a very special couple left the ship. our director left with his wife and daughter. they have been a huge blessing for all of us and i have learned so much from just watching them and having amazing conversations with them. with them, we do not only miss our director, but also amazing examples and friends.
the last couple of days have been very challenging in the fact, that i am on fire rounds, which knocks me out of everything that is happening on the ship during the day time. so if people leave, what happened all week long, i had to get up somehow and say good bye in morning voice and hardly awake. i am emotionally down in the moment. it is hard for me to even walk trough the ship and see all the empty cabins. when i decided to stay, i though all of this will be so easy, just "normal". i was never good in saying good bye, so i thought i will be fine. but i am not, things hit me again and again and i find myself crying in a corner of the ship, where the cabins are empty, the lights are turned of and the air com is not working. when i came to the ship, i was not able to cry. i mean not because i am a "man", but because i just wasn't and now, i can't stop. funny isn't it?!
i am doing fine. i enjoy my times with god, i pray as much as i have never prayed before, i fall on the floor and pray and thank god for what he is doing in my life. i change, a lot and all i can see is who i am and who i am supposed to be and that does not really match up. you know when people leave and there is the chance, that they will never see you again, they tell you what they really think of you. and there it hits me. how can i be a "good" person for so many, when i do not feel that way?!
it is late and i am tired, well to be honest i am not tired, but its late.
...i am fine...no really
we know so many things in live and we always take it for granted. have you ever helped somebody out of a horrible situation? have you ever asked yourself, why people thank you for helping, if all you can ask is how can i change?
we are finally down to THE number, well almost. from Saturday on, we will be 33 people on the ship and that's it. we had some bad things happen in the last week, so we are down from 35 to 33 people, as 2 people died back home and two of us now need to leave. things are strange her, things will become more strange.
today a very special couple left the ship. our director left with his wife and daughter. they have been a huge blessing for all of us and i have learned so much from just watching them and having amazing conversations with them. with them, we do not only miss our director, but also amazing examples and friends.
the last couple of days have been very challenging in the fact, that i am on fire rounds, which knocks me out of everything that is happening on the ship during the day time. so if people leave, what happened all week long, i had to get up somehow and say good bye in morning voice and hardly awake. i am emotionally down in the moment. it is hard for me to even walk trough the ship and see all the empty cabins. when i decided to stay, i though all of this will be so easy, just "normal". i was never good in saying good bye, so i thought i will be fine. but i am not, things hit me again and again and i find myself crying in a corner of the ship, where the cabins are empty, the lights are turned of and the air com is not working. when i came to the ship, i was not able to cry. i mean not because i am a "man", but because i just wasn't and now, i can't stop. funny isn't it?!
i am doing fine. i enjoy my times with god, i pray as much as i have never prayed before, i fall on the floor and pray and thank god for what he is doing in my life. i change, a lot and all i can see is who i am and who i am supposed to be and that does not really match up. you know when people leave and there is the chance, that they will never see you again, they tell you what they really think of you. and there it hits me. how can i be a "good" person for so many, when i do not feel that way?!
it is late and i am tired, well to be honest i am not tired, but its late.
...i am fine...no really
Monday, March 1, 2010
our leaders
Hello, i am on firerounds in the moment, which means i am walking through the intire ship at night and make sure, that there is no fire. On modern ships computer are doing this job and you only have one person sitting in the bridge and checking the screens. Here on the doulos, where the time decided to stand still, we still have to do it the old school way. So we walk around and make sure everything is safe. As I was walking through the dining room tonight, I recognized a sign, that has not been there before. As I came closer I could see what it was.
This sign was made by our leaders, who are leaving the ship in the next two days. in the moment I saw it, something inside of me changed. I realized that after the next coming days, there will be no leaders left, except the captain and the officers. Normally, I would say that this is not a big deal, but it is. We are a good community, but the danger is still there, that some people shoot out and go mad. I pray and hope, that this will not happen and I hope, that we can hold this ship in a godly way together. Nothing should go wrong and god should get all glory. I pray that I can be a good example and that god will use me to speak up in moments, when things go mad. I really do hope that we can keep the ship in peace. At this point I would like to thank all the leaders, who have been on the ship. You guys have done a incredible job, especially in such a hard time like this. I will never forget all the deep and good conversations with you alex and you seelan, They have kept me going and helped me to come this far. You guys have changed my heart and helped me to change who I am, thank you.
thank you for who you guys are, all of you.
now a new chapter will start, that will show who we really are. Are we only nice, because we have people in our backs, that control us, or are we ourselves so focused, that we care about all these rules, even if nobody is there? May god help us to go through this time!
Prayer needed!
sebi
This sign was made by our leaders, who are leaving the ship in the next two days. in the moment I saw it, something inside of me changed. I realized that after the next coming days, there will be no leaders left, except the captain and the officers. Normally, I would say that this is not a big deal, but it is. We are a good community, but the danger is still there, that some people shoot out and go mad. I pray and hope, that this will not happen and I hope, that we can hold this ship in a godly way together. Nothing should go wrong and god should get all glory. I pray that I can be a good example and that god will use me to speak up in moments, when things go mad. I really do hope that we can keep the ship in peace. At this point I would like to thank all the leaders, who have been on the ship. You guys have done a incredible job, especially in such a hard time like this. I will never forget all the deep and good conversations with you alex and you seelan, They have kept me going and helped me to come this far. You guys have changed my heart and helped me to change who I am, thank you.
thank you for who you guys are, all of you.
now a new chapter will start, that will show who we really are. Are we only nice, because we have people in our backs, that control us, or are we ourselves so focused, that we care about all these rules, even if nobody is there? May god help us to go through this time!
Prayer needed!
sebi
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)