i am sitting in my cabin (...room) in the mill right now and all i can hear is the sound of NOTHING. if my laptop would not be on and i would not be tipping this, i would really hear nothing.
but then here the funny thing, as soon as i would start listening i would hear everything. the "river" next door, the birds outside, sometimes even the wind. sadly i can also hear jenny coifing next door. she got sick on the way to germany and is now spending most of her time in bed. i could hear people walking a floor under me and i could pick up conversations next door.
the silence, but also the ability to listen to things, that are more than 5 meters away is something that i have to get used to again. on the ship all you hear is the aircom, something annoying vibrating in the background. the farest thing you can hear is your cabin mate next door playing guitar (wone Lee).
being here makes everything so different.
i was walking around the other day and i could smell all these different things that i had not smelled in years. i ended up stopping at almost every tree taking a deep breath. the air is so clear and it has a taste. i love walking around and enjoying the sun and the fresh air.
katrina and i went out for a walk yesterday and on the way back, we met my old english teacher. he was on his way to his car and after katrina "kicked" me in the butt and told me i should just say hi, i went to the car knocked on the window and said "hello, i am not sure if you remember me..." i was not even able to finish the sentence before he smiled at me and said "yes your are sebastian". ok it has been almost 10 years since i have seen him or spoken to him. i would say i grew and i changed, but for him it only took a few seconds and he was able to remember me. he said my smile was what he could remember. we had a small chat and switched from german to english, as katrina was there.
it was amazing to realize that the student succeeded the master :)
it is now almost a week ago that i have left the ship.
i am totally jetlaged, which is great for getting up early in the orning, but not so great for staying up late. my body feels funny, as i am experiencing again the effects cold weather can have on you. i got a little cold on the way back in the airplane, but made it trough. jenny instead is sick and fighting with a ugly cold.
i wish i could tell you i am so happy to be here and it could not be better, but i am sure that the most of you know that would be a lie. i am ok...kind of ok. i have amazing people around , that really do help me to feel better, to arrive safely and they listen. as i am inmosbach in the moment i have the blessing to have katrina and jenny with me (two of my best friends from the ship). for both of them it is not as hard as it is for me, as they are in transition and i am in re entry. the first weekend was lets try to say difficult. still i do struggle with the thought that i am back home but not really. i grew up in mosbach so i do know the city (town) very well. as soon as i am alone in my cabin (room) and have time to think. i do feel alone, like the only one knowing what i went trough. but then i realize, that jenny and katrina are just next door and i do have ships feelings again. i feel like a ship tossed in the waves. one the one hand i am here kind of at home but on the other hand i am still with friends from the ship so kind of there.
*deep breath* life is amazing...
one thing that helps me to realize it will get better is to see some of my friends. i follow up some of the blogs of friends that have left the ship kind of with me, just a few weeks earlier. and to see how they are doing gives me the hope that in the end all of this will go away and i will feel ok.
it is funny to be here right now as their is a seminar going on right now for people who are interested in joining OM. so one of the first things that i did was speaking to them and sharing a bit about what i have learned.
well as my mind is playing tricks on me right now, i will leave this entry as it is and come back later sometime.
be blessed friends
sebi
the 4 of us Jana, Jenny, me and Katrina
a field in mosbach
sebi on the field in mosbach ;)
and mosbach itself
1 comment:
Danke, jetzt weiß ich wieder etwas mehr, wie es dir geht. Ganz liebe Grüße und bis bald.
=)
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