the weirdest thing ever happened today

ok we all know that sometimes things tend to happen in our lives that we can't explain so easily but what happened to me today is by far one of the strangest and most exiting things ever, here the story.

back on the ship i was given the opportunity to be part of a photo shoot. we had a local photographer on board from australia and on a sunny day we went out and she shoot some nice pics of us. we never knew what would happen with the pictures and in some ways we didn't really care as we had a lot of fun and that was rewarding enough. well a few months later the picture appeared at a christian event on a banner. it was nice to see the picture and to have all the flashbacks about the day we went out and had the shoot.

BUT today this was topped. we were sitting at the table and had a nice chat with my sister in israel as one of my brothers, dominik had a flyer of a bigger german super market in his hands. suddenly i saw this familiar face of Jack Piaget and the of Konstanze Döring and then my own one. i was shocked and ripped the flyer out of his hand and really there it was THE PICTURE. and here the proof.
here the cover of the flyer

and here the picture in the top right corner


what a funny thing, there you sit at the table and think "why are there so many flyers of these random supermarkets on the table" and then you find yourself in it. what a strange thing there is an australian photographer who takes pictures of this international crew living on a ship and years later this picture appears in a german supermarket flyer. what a strange world we live in ;)

TeenStreet

it is tuesday a rainy day and i am not happy about the weather. the summer in essen has been terrible for the last weeks and i haven't had one good day on my longboard in ages. sadly it does not look so good for the next days and weeks to come. well i wane share my TeenStreet story with you guys as i have been more then just blessed this time.

i was frightened when i thought about the fact that we only had rain and stupid stupid weather and then that TeenStreet was on the way. can you imagine having a teens conference in germany with more then two thousand teens and then just bad weather? right thats like having marshmallows without a campfire, it just doesn't taste that good.

the fact that i had the chance to go to teen street was a small miracle for me. i had applied for holidays a while ago in order to be able to go to a mouth trip with my church which was a huge hassle to decide. well i wasn't given that holiday so i just tried again for the time of teen street and indeed this time it worked. so i had time to go but in fact that it was only to weeks before teen street i wasn't even sure if they needed someone. the only way to find out was to call them up, so i did. i got hold of barbara who is/was in charge of all the applications. i told her that i was free for teen street and that if they needed someone i would love to help. her response was short clear and came as a shock "sure you can come, we need a M&M". the M&M are the ones with a lot of responsibility which scared me at first but i said yes. as i prepared for teen street i looked forward to be an M&M and my M&M partner seemed really nice. well two days before i left i got a call from the TS office telling me that there was a problem with a different M&M group and that the lady i was supposed to do M&M with was from now on needed in a different group. now i was asked to be a co couch. i was happy about that as well as it meant that i would be a group leader with someone else and that i could count on him in all the programs as i wasn't really prepared for couch. the day i arrived at TS and 5min before we met our teens i was given the information that i would be a couch all by myself with a group of 6 teens. as flexible as i am i said "sure what ever you guys need" seconds later i did freak out a bit as i wasn't sure how it would go. it was a group of 6 younger teens and all of them visited TS for the first time. i felt a lot of pressure as i wasn't sure how to deal with this totally new situation but i soon gave it all up to god and asked him for help and then total peace came over me.

and then it happened from the first evening i met them until the moment i left i was in love with them. 6 young guys in the age of 13 and 14 totally on fire for jesus captured my heart. this teen street was the most emotional and challenging one i ever had. i decided to tell you a little bit more in greater detail about what happened, so here is one of the stories:

all of the guys had a real longing to MEET jesus and to FEEL him. i sometimes think that TS has a rather strong way to push the teens to ask god for a personal moment with him which is amazing but also dangerous as if they don't think that they get this moment they can easily crash and end up disappointed. this did happen with my little brother a few years back and since he has turned away from god. i do not blame TS but i know that it had a huge negative impact on him.so there i was with 6 young christians that longed for a personal touch of jesus and sure me being the couch made me think that i have to do special things for them so that they would feel him. but i decided not to do anything un normal instead i gave it all up to him and asked him to touch them. and then this happened: we sat together for our group time and i started to ask a few questions. suddenly one of them started to cry. at first i wasn't sure if my question triggered it or if something else made him cry. the others all at once stood up and left us to give us time to talk. alone that impressed me so much. they totally understood that i needed time with him alone and that they should better leave and they did all at once without me asking for it i then asked him to tell me the whole story.he then opened up and told me that he had a "situation" with a older Teen and that he got into a little "fight" with him. he was bleeding at the head a bit and without a question totally broken inside and really mad at himself, god and the other teen. SURE he was mad at god. there he was asking for him to reveal himself to him and then this. o how mad it made me how angry i got at the situation. i reacted calm and contacted the other coach and my M&M and we sat together and talked about it and prayed. and there i was at TS having these teens in my group that seek god in such a pressures and holy way that it made me wonder where i was standing with god. i was so at peace with god as i haven't been in a long time at TS and it felt amazing. The thing that happened to my teen made me cry, no really it made me cry in a way i haven't cried in a long time. i started crying when i told the others about what happened i cried when ever i saw the guys and later the day when we prayed again. i was so broken inside and so touched by what happened that it made it impossible for me to stay calm. i cried out of happiness and sadness at once and i couldn't stop.

at the end of the day the teen and i sat together again and we prayed once more sharing thoughts and tears together as we said amen he looked at me and said "semi today i met jesus for real and he touched me" you can imagine that from there on i wasn't able to keep the tears in. i was so touched and moved and happy .
i came to Teenstreet and was taught by 13 andd 14 year olds what it means to be a christian and how to love jesus.

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this is just one of many stores from this years TeenStreet.
thanks for reading
sebi

my name is sebi

i have been called sebi for a very long time now. i have no clue how it originaly started. over the last year i have tried to get away from sebi. i wanted a fresh start, a new beginning so i introduced myself as sebastian all the time. and it worked. people at uni or work started to call me sebastian. at first it was strange but then i got used to it.

now here is the funny thing. a colleague just came in and said "good morning sebi" the fact that she called me sebi meant a lot. in the last weeks i have not really felt...hmm how do i say this?!...accepted. things back home have been a huge blessing but also a huge challenge. it is not easy to move back home after three years ruling my own casle.
in the last weeks life has become really interesting and suddenly very complicated.
the fact that i still have no place to study stopped bothering me. at first i felt like slipping and falling down this deep and black hole called panic but i soon found out that there is a hand that kept catching me. jasper one of my best buddies from the ship said that where ever there is a hole just put the cross in it and walk over. it made me smile when he said that as i kept imagining me putting a HUGE cross in this hole. but he is right. we often face these moments where we stand at the edge and then decide to jump right in. i believe that we shouldn't jump. we should take the cross and put in the hole and just walk right over it.

i am 22 years old, i have no clue what i will be doing next and my name is sebi

Syria Day nine

today a year ago it was a sunday and it was a really special sunday for me.
before i wane write about that sunday i just wane make sure that you guys know that i am in essen in the moment and not in syria. i do understand how all these syria posts got confussing.

sunday:

this was my first sunday of three in syria. i looked forward to getting to church as it seemed crazy to go to church in a muslim country that well yes proclaims religios freedom but then does not practice it. as we made out way trought the trafic, again with a cap, i really felt peace and comfort within me. i had been in syria less then a week but already felt at home and safe. safty seemed given which later on was proven wrong but i won't jump to the end of the story yet.

we arrived at church and the Assembly had already started singing. we entered and i was immediately taken away by the atmosphere. i enjoyed listening to the songs that wwere sung. there is something touching in listening to forain music even if you do not understand what is sung it does touch you because there is something seep within you that you can't explain but that does make it feel special and rewarding. it is the holy spirit within us that leaps for joy as he is the one who understands what is sung by thos who live their lifes for jesus. i was impressed to see how alive the church was and how many young people where there. it was full, like really full and you could see that those who were there (besides those who belonged to the secret police). sure i was not really able to undertsand what was preached but i had my bible with me so i most of the times read my bible or just listened to this beautiful language. alltogether i have to say that these meetings were the once that did fazinated me the most. these christians have to live in constant fear that the secret police would just take them away but still they showed their faith. we weren't the only "workers" that did attend the church so i was pleased to meet some more that belonged to different "companies". god allowed me to see so much of the work that he does in this part of the world. it was a really huge blessing and even now i am still touched by the lifes of those who live in fear and danger but still proclaim jesus their personal savior. living a life in danger and suffering? yes, if it is for jesus.

blessings,
sebi

Syria Day seven

they say that in order to learn a language you have to really get into the sounds and writings of that language. one way for me was to just listen to the people speak. i would watch TV or would try to listen to people talking on the streets or i would listen to the countles meetings we had in our apartment with the friends from the uni.

last one was one of my favourite activities. these meetings were some of THE most cultural shocking events i ever participated. in germany if we would meet to discuss some topic we would sit down drink tea or coffee or even beer and talk about something in a good and ordered way. you would never dare to cut into somebody talking (exceptions made) or dare to raise your voice. the first time they came over i was super exited. it was all so new to me like walking to a child. we prepared dinner and served arabic coffee. it was nice to have the room full of students and to talk about life. only guys came to these meetings and they usually stayed until late at night. for some strange reason they would always sit split up. the christians at one side of the room and the muslims on the other. as the conversation moved on we would always after about an hour hit the "Religion" topic. it was funny to see that no matter how often we met or what topic we talked about we always ended at the same stuff. at first one of the locals translated for me but soon i asked him to stop as i wanted to just listen to this beautiful language. no really it fascinate me so much that i could not stop listening to them even if was deadly tired and just wanted to rest. the syrien culture is such a different world compared to the german almost boring and disciplined way of living. at first the conversation was quiet and peaceful but it wouldn't take long and the volume would be raised up to a point where i expected the house owner or even the police to come in. most of the time i didn't know what they talked about in detail but it wasn't hard to follow along the main points. it was always about jesus, mohammed, god ect. ect. it touched my heart to see how intensed they aruged about something so important and to see how passionate they got about it all. it made me re-think my faith, my believes. seeing them so passionate made me wane be like them. i have to admit that sometimes i was even a bit scared. they would jump up and use their intire body to make a point almost yelling at the other person. the tension rose until a lever where i as a german would have left the conversation long ago but they kept going until suddenly it was all quiet. after a few seconds of silence they would all laugh and hug each other. it amazed me to see how, i don't even know how to say it as i would say angry they got, yelling at each other but then a second later they would "love" each other again. seeing this made me realise many things. i loved these meetings as each time i got to understand a new part of their lives, their culture and their believes. i now could imagine the apostles sitting nex to each other arguing about who is the greates among them up to a point where jesus intervened. and i got to see how christians and muslims could "fight" in a peaceful way.

body language is a huge thing in the arab world and it is so different to ours. also physical touch. in germany and on the ship i was concidered a touchy person which got me into trouble to many times but here in syria i was not even close to that. the guys would hold hands, lay on each others lap, touch each others hair or kiss each other on the cheek all that just to show that they care about each other. as gay as it sounds as amazing it was to watch. i think that we as western people have a weird and almost pathetic way of dealing with physical touch between guys. and as gay as it may sound i got to love the way the syriens are. think about it for a second it is so normal for girls to hold hands or to show affection but for guys it is immediately considered gay. in germany at the uni i once stood with another guy a few meters away from the others looking at a beautiful sunset talking about god. it didn't take long and we heard the others talking about us makind suggestions that we are gay. they only made a joke but it does show the thinking.
if i think about this topic i have to think about david and jonathan. even i if i read the story about them sometimes ask myself if there friendship wasn't a relationship. and here you see that even i am part of this kulture that marks good and healthy friendships between guys as gay and un acceptable. it really does frustrates me as it does mean that i will have a hard time finding somone that i can be as good as a friend as jonathan was to david. they never cared about what others thought but their friendship only worked as both of them thought the same and loved each other the same way.
now i am somone who struggles a lot with guy friendships. in school i was always the guy who stood with the girls or who got invited to their birthdays. i had many so called "girlfriends" but never guyfriends. i struggle to open up with guys and right now there is only one guy in my age that i trust enough to tell him my heart issues (yep its you;) i don't struggle so much to open up with older man but then again its different as these friendships are more like mentor menti relationships. this was and always will be i guess one of my biggest issues and struggles but i am growing and learning and syria played a big role in that change.

back to syria again.
all of these new impressions amazed me but what amazed me the most was to see how god was in everything i experienced and got to see or smell or hear. he was with me always and i never felt alone even if i was parted from all my so close friends from the ship. i really had peace about where i was and what i was doing. jesus was with me where ever i went and he never did let go of my hands. i was in such a peace that even the future events that took place did not get me to a point of danger or frustration rather to a point of happiness and overflowing joy.

jesus was and is with me and he had ans has everything under control. amen

Syria Day six

one of my goals in my time in syria was to visit some of the famous ruins of the monasteries that are spread out all over the country. for example there would be "deirmarmusa" which is located in wadi or the "Cherubim Convent" in Saidnaya or the beautiful "St Simeon's" Monastery close to aleppo. gladly i got to visit some of them and i have to say all of them really impressed me. syria has a HUGE history and it really shocked me to find out that i knew nothing about this country at all.

did you know that syria was the first country in the history of the world where the hunters became gatherers? or that syria was invaded by the frensh. or did you know that syria changed the relligion over three times? as soon as one nation took over the country they would change the relligion. it went forth and back from christianity to the islam. or that in the times of the romans one of the most important trade rouds went directly trough syria?
There is not enough paper for me to write down even only the minor events. i was amazed to see how much history one country can hold and how much all of this history had changed the people and does still impact them.

as paul asked me if i would like to join him fr a trip to St Simeon's i was more than happy to accept. it was my first real trip out of aleppo and i was super exited. we packed up some lunch and left the house rather early in the morning in order to get there before the main turists would. syria is normally not a place where people would just travel to as tourists alone. but is it common to see huge buses that travel around the country filled with elderly people.
we took a cap (of course) to the city border and there waited for a bus that would take us to saint simons. i loved taking the bus in syria. there are two kinds of buses. kind one are these huges buses that would take you from city to city and kind two are the smaller ones that fit maybe 10 people or so. you just hop on where ever you see them and they drop you off again where ever you want. kind of like a big taxi. you can even get the whole bus for yourself. well we jumped into a really crouded one and made our way out of aleppo into the desert. as the streets became more dusty and the villaged smaller and smaller the bus got emptier until only paul and i were left. the bus driver drove us all the way to the top of the hill where saint simon's is located and dropped us off. paul asked him if he could pick us up again in the afternoon and the bus driver gave paul his mobile number (AMAZING). as we entered the Monastery it took my breath away. i am easy to impress but this really blew my mind. i had never seen something more amazing then this. sure i had bin to greece and i saw the huge temples and the old buildings but this also touched my heart. the story behind the intire thing does sound a bit unrealistik but still it hit me.
the Monastery was build in remembrance to Simeon Stylites.

i am to lazy to type down the intire story and i am sure that it would bore you to death if you had to read all of it but if your really interested here the link to wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simeon_Stylites

i loved out time in the Monastery. it was a warm but not to hot morning and paul and i decided to part ways and to spent some time alone with god. it is funny how many thoughts can go trough your mind at once in such a place. there i was sitting in the grass strying to become still before god with all these voices in my mind asking me all these questions. it wasn't until long that the place became really crouded. as a larger group of people past the place where i lay on the ground i could pick up german. and indeed the intire group was a group of germans. there is nothing more you dislike then meeting germans in a foreign country.

i will keep this post short but i will show you some of the pictures i was able to take.

Syrien Day five

one of the biggest challenges for me in my time in syria was defently the language.
where ever i went with whom ever i tried to talk it was all in arabic. for me as a western guy living in germany it is a must to learn english as a second language. during my time on board the MV doulos i got used to speaking english all the time and i was amazed to see how many people in asia do speak english. especially the street kids in the philippines surprised me. non of them have the chance to go to school in order to learn the language but even the little ones of the age 3 or 4 speak better english than most of the germans ever will (sadly a true fact). i am not sure why but i expected the syrians to speak at least some english. but to my surprise some of them spoke better german than english.

well as i was not able to communicate with my english i looked forward to learn some more arabic. my studies went well and i was surprised to see how easy i pick things up and how motivated i was. back in school i hated the english lessons and so did the english lessons hated me. i would sit at home with tears in my eyes screaming at my mum because i did not want to study this stupid and booring language. she would sit down with me and with a loving and caring heart teach me this alien like words and prases. i have to say my mum is one of the most patient people i ever got to know. she only had a few freak out moments in our childhood even if she would have had reason for many many more.

back to syria. i would spent most of my day sitting at the balcony studying this complex language and it was so much fun. i enjoyed talking the local friends i made as well but some of the best memories were made on that balcony in the sun with my arabic books in front of me. as my teacher petra was a taxi ride away from where we lived i had to take the cap to get to her place. at first i thought "oh thats ok" until i realised that as soon as i would enter the cap i would be totally lost and had to rely on the little arabic i knew. today was the day i would take my first cap alone to her place. the guys gave me her adress written down in arabic and so that i could say it. i started to simply write down every new information i would get in english and in arabic in a way that i could say it. for example there is a prase that says "if god wants it" it is said all the time. in arabic it is written like this إن شاء الله but to be able to speak it you write inshallah. this is just one of the many examples i could give you.

well there i was with some money in my hands, the right adress in my mind and on a peace of paper. taking a cap is something so normal in syria that i got to a point where i forgot how expensive the cap is back in germany which ended in a bad experience as i took a cap at night in germany and ended up paying 20 stupid euros. well most people in syria do not own their own car as it is way to expensive. instead they take the cap...ALL THE TIME. which means that it is easy to get one as their mostly the only cars on the roads but also that you have way to many of them. most of them are old, like really old. some of them you would get in and your first thought would be "OH NO". it is a funny feeling to feel every stone on the street while you race around a cornor way to fast. well as i said traffic in syria is insane.

my first taxi ride to petras place was very funny. i hit a taxi with a young syrian guy who seemed really interested in my sunglases. he was surprised to see a western guy in town and started to ask all these arabic questions. before i allowed myself to freak out i took over the conversation and used the little arabic i knew. i told him that i was from germany and that my name was sebastian. i asked him what his name was and wanted to ask him where he comes from but instead asked him what he is doing right now. he looked at me with weird eyes and said drivign a taxi. it took me a second until i realised that i had asked the wrong question. as we arrived at petras place he wanted me to pay him a certain amount of money which i knew was way to high so i tried to deal him down. somehow he got the idea to ask me for my glasses instead of the money. he seemed obsessed with the idea of owning some german glasses. first i tried to tell him that the glasses were from australia and not from germany but then i realised that this was maybe not such a good idea as i'm sure if he would have understood me he would have insited on the glasses. well i managed to get them back as he had them already on his head and payed the extra money. what a weird situation.

class was nice and i enjoyed the lesson.
as i got back i ended up in a taxi off a really nice syrien guy who seemed super excited to see me. first i was not sure why bit later i realised that he must have know the others. he kept asking me some for me unknown questions but all of them had the names of the others in it so i kept repeeting where i wanted to go and smiled everytime he said georgs or stevens name. as we arrived at our aparment i knew for sure that he had to know the others as normally the taxi drivers stop a bit to far but he stopped right at the door. as i wanted to pay he insisted on me not paying. first i was like, no way her's the money but as soon as he started to get out of the car to open my door i knew that he was serious. you see in syria it is normal for people to offer you something even if they don't really want to share. for example if you would end up sitting at a table with somebody and he offers you some juice you have to say no at least three times before you then take it. that way you make sure that he really wants you to have the juice. the same thing goes for almost everything.

this day was a huge success for me as i was able to travel to petras without the help of the others and i even got to use the little arabic i knew.

Picture of the Day

Syrien Day four

it is half past 6am and my alarm goes of. for some reason i thought it would be a good idea to get up early in the morning and to read my bible. i did this back on the ship and it was a huge blessing. i would get up around half past 5am and would make my way up to the sun deck. there i would stay until breakfast time reading my bible and journaling. i managed to do this for three months without a break and it was some of the most fruitful time in my life. as i felt a strong calling from god to read the new testament again while i was in syria i decided to do this in the mornings. at firts it was hard, sure it was but later it became so important that i knew if i would not read my bible i would not be able to survive the day.

so i started reading the new testament again. it was my third time reading it and first i was not exited as it ment reading the booring jesus birth story again but somehow the little details catched me and i was able to see so much more of the background story that you normaly do not think about. things such as how did mary feel when the angle spoke to her or how did she think about jesus being the son of god? i loved asking myself all these sidebar questions and i always wrote them down in my journal. i hadn't journaled in a while as life on board the ship became everyday life. but as soon as i started planning my trip to syria i picked it up again and with a new lit fire i wrote down everything. i would sit in my room and just write down thoughts that would come to my mind "will i like the team mates?", "will i enjoy the food?", "will i learn some arabic?", "what if something bad happenes?". the last question was somehow the biggest one in my mind the voices became so loud that i even wrote a letter to my best friend telling her how much i love the friendship we have and how much i appreciate her as a person. well all these things ended up being written down in my journal. i loved writing all these things down as i knew that later these entries would help me to keep the memories alive that i would make in syria. little did i know about how all of this would change.

as i finished my quiet time we sat down and had breakfast as a team. i loved our team times as it was always nice to be around the others. i enjoyed listening to the speaking arabic and i was impressed. all of them spoke amazing arabic and where ever we went they would impress people as nobody would think that they could speak such good arabic. it was a huge motivation for me to study more.

my last days have kind of only been about me seeing some of aleppo and learning some arabic but today was about to change all this a little bit. after the breakfast the guys decided to take me down to the campus. the campus was one of the most important places for the team. as the ministry was to get to know the local people and trough deep conversations share the gospel the team spent every secon at the campus talking to the young students. today i was introduced to the group. i looked forward to this day as i ment i would finally meet som local people my age and that i could use some of my arabic. as we went down to the campus i also got to see some of the more modern part of aleppo. now what you will have in mind are these HUGE bright shopping malls or apartments but i have to disappoint you. the intire city was and i guess still is covered with a huge layer of dust. everything seems old even if it is new. at first i didn't like the look but now i even miss it.

as we reached the campus it was almost like entering a different world. the surroundings still looked the same but the people changed. normaly the people you see on the streets are adults mostly man and never couples. but on the campus you see only the young students and they just look normal. the women walk around uncovered and the guys chase after the girls. it was a weird picture. the park area inside of the campus was full of couples (most of them making out). in some ways it shocked me. later as i got to know some of the students i was introduced to their world not only physically but also mentally. i got to understand them better and better up to a point where i would say i started to think like them. sure it takes longer then a few weeks to understand a culture, to speak a language, to read the local books or even to think like the locals but in some ways i have to say i adjusted well and fast. it wasn't long until people told me that i do blend in very well (as much as it is possible for a western looking guy with blond hair and bright eyes to blend in).

Most of the women who live in syria have a already planned out life. the family decides who they marry and where they live. one of the only things that they get to decide is what to study. this surprised me as normally women don't have many rights but in this case they do. the families know that the young people are easy to rebell against the traditions so they start too give them some say in their lifes just enough to keep them happy. it almost seemed like the women had a chance to escape their "prison" in the time they got to study. after the uni life for them would be like the life any syrien woman has to life: get married be a mother and thats about it. i started to understand more why these women would use their time at uni for such things as secret boyfriends or even speaking about the unspoken topics such as christianity.

the group that i was introduced in hosted around 20 people. half guys half women. they all were super friendly and quickly accepted me into the group. i enjoyed talking to them even if i was unsure at the beginning. i felt unsafe around them at first as i was not sure what i could talk about or what is ok for me to say/ to share. for example: i was intorduced as a friend of someheon who had visited them a while ago and as this person had shared that he had lived on a ship before he came i was not able to share the same thing. it all seemed like building up a wall up secrets to protect the team and the ministry. at first it felt horrible as it almost felt like lying but soon i realised that me not sharing the whole truth technically is not lying. i know that now most of you are about to protest against what i just said and sure i would say the same that not telling the intire truth is dangerous and most of the time concidered as lying but then again i was in a non christian country as a missionary and i was surrounded by local people who could easily just hand me to the secret police.
i enjoyed my day at the campus. i enjoyed talking to them and laughing with them. i quickly opened up and became a "friend" to most of them and to some even a brother.

Picture of the Day

Syria Day three

i remember this day very well. as i woke up on this day and asked myself how long i already had been in syria it felt like weeks. do you know this feeling? you get to a new place, a new location or region and shortly after you arrived there it already feels like you have been there for ages. the strange thing is that this does happen for the better and the worse. sometimes you get to a place you've never been to and you hate it and the second day already feels like you have been there for way to long. but sometimes, the better times you get to a place and you love it. gladly for me it was the second scenario. i woke up with a smile on my face. if you know me you will know that i am somebody who smiles a lot and seems happy most of the time. but to be honest it is hard for me to smile right after i got up. i am not sure why but i am not really a morning person. but throughout my time in syria i seemed to smile every morning even on the hard ones.

day three was also the day that i realised that something with the light was different in syria. and i am not talking about the light inside the houses, no i mean the sun light. i found it to be really hard to open my eyes in the mornings. it almost felt like they had weights attached. the sun in syria or lets say in the near east gets so high in the sky that it is much brighter than in europe. the new location, the new smells, the new sounds, the new light, the new food all this made me really tired. but never the less i loved every second of it.

one thing that i got to love almost immediately were the muslim prayer times. there is just nothing more amazing than having somebody reminding you to pray. for me these times were always special. often i would sit on the balcony studying arabic and trying to get this complex language into my brain and as i am somebody who learns much easier with music i would listen to some music. but as soon as the prayers would start i stopped all i did, listened and prayed. these calles reminded me each day to pray for our cousines and to pray for my friends. i miss these prayers now and i wish i would have recorded some of them just for me to listen to them again.

it also was on the third day that i was introduced to petra (name is changed) who became my arabic teacher. a lovely widowed woman with a beautiful young daugther totally on fire for the language. she managed it to teach me incredible amounts of vocabulary and grammar in a really short time. sadly as i am now not faced with all these almost alien like looking signs i am not used to it anymore. i do remember some of the normal phrases but all in all i lost the sense of the language, sadly.

ok enough for today.
in the post tomorrow: two crazy taxi rides, alone and the blessing of local friends

be blessed and be a blessing
sebi

Picture of the Day

Elliot Taylor about Osamas Death

i found this online and it does sum up how i feel about Osamas death:

"On a seemingly normal Sunday evening in Washington, D.C., President Obama announced that Osama bin Laden, the symbolic face of terrorism, had been killed by United States forces in a secret military operation in Abbottabad, Pakistan.

As the news of bin Laden's death spreads across the globe, responses are mixed. Outside the White House crowds have gathered celebrating the event as retribution for the 9/11 attacks that shook foundations and hearts ten years ago. Elsewhere and in secret, others will be mourning the death of a leader, claiming him as a martyr for a worthy cause.

In his speech to the nation, President Obama encouraged the families of those that lost loved ones with the words, “Justice has been done.” He made it clear that although the ideals of terrorism are not dead, a man who fanned their flame into a lake of fire now lies cold and still like those lives he stole. With the death of bin Laden, the scales of justice have become a little more equalised.

This may be true, and we must mourn with the mourning, but claiming the death of a man, no matter how evil, as inherently right and good places humanity on a seat of judgment far too big for us, with legs dangling from the floor. To say that it was good to kill a man is to say it would have been good for you to kill him, but no one should let that darkness, a darkness every man owns, rise to become a bloodied hand. Murder is still murder, no matter how the fall of the victim is cheered or grieved.

To some, Osama's death grants the West a victor's crown. To others, it is a loss, a weight that falls and pulleys honour and pride and martyrdom into the mind. We can't help but view it through the eyes of our childhood games: there are winners and there are losers. And everyone must take a side.

But when someone dies, no one wins. Death is loss, both for a person and a people and, most importantly, for Restoration. “I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked,” God tells Ezekiel, “but rather that they turn from their ways and live.” According to a Restored world, it would have been be better for Osama to say sorry. Unfortunately, this would have removed many from their illegitimately claimed seat of judgement.

“Die, Osama, burn like our hearts burn for your death,” has been the cry of many these past years. Yet, this cry is from the land of death itself. It offers nothing new. It's a cycle perpetuated.

There is another call. One babbling like water out of the land of the living. It is quieter and harder. It is easily drunk dry by the harsh sun of retaliation, but its spring is deeper than revenge. It's a better way. And it's there if you care to find it"

Syria Day two

this world disgusts me.
in america thousands of people are on the streets celebrating the death of the worlds number one terrorist osama bin laden. as i turned on the TV in the cafe where i work this morning it was already all over the news. the imagine that was given showed houndreds of people standing in front of the parlament screaming USA and wavering the american flag. time jump back to 9/11 two thousand and one. i turn on the TV and i see thousands of iraqi people running on the streets shouting anti american slogans and burning american flags. before i will say something that will start a huge argument about this topic i just wane ask this question: is this a day where god is celebrating or crying?

----

it is early in the moning and it is my first morning in aleppo syria.
the sun is on its way up and the first thing i realise is that it is really hot. georg is already up and prepared a small breakfast. it is my first syrien breakfast and i am not to sure what to expect. the table is filled with some vegetables, some arabic bread (pita), humus and arabic coffee. at first the food never really filled me and i am sure that the team spent some extra money buying more food as i was never really filled but soon my body did adjust to the new given situation and i got used to the feeling of hunger. it is not that we did not eat a lot just that i was so used to rich food that even ifwe ate some good amounts of bread i never seemed filled. now thinking back to my time there i really have to say that i got to love the syrien food. the pitas and the humus together with fresh cut onions, tomatoes and cucumbers served with some hot coffee...hmm i'm hungry.

well my first day was a rather quiet one. i went to one of the shops with georg in order to get a prepaid card for my cell phone which was a really strange experience. i was already confused back when we had to take the bus to aleppo that i had to show my passport and also here i had to take my passport with me and believe it or not in order for me to get a prepaid card i had to hand in my passportnumber and i had to give fingerprints. imagine giving your fingerprints in a local store in germany or the states or south africa to get a prepaid card, how weird would that be. well it was back then that i realised that the govermental system is controlling each and every move you make as a foreigner in their country. at first it felt weird and wrong to give somebody such essential and important details about myself but then again i was so into the adventure that it all seemed right and in some ways i guess i didn't really care.

i spent the rest of the day reading my bible and working on my arabic. the guys gave me some of their study material and i was all motivated to master this strange but fascinating language.

at the end of the day i had to realise that i was somehow really tired. i had slept enough sure i was hungry at least my body did tell me so but all in all i had no real reason to be tired. but i listened to my inner voice and went to bed early right after the evening prayer.

Picture of the Day

Syrien Day one

*the names of the team members are changed for security reasons

It is early in the morning as my plane finally lands in damascus syria.
i had a horribke flight as i was sitting between some families with many children and they weren't able to sleep which made it impossible for me to rest. i had some funny and strange conversations on the flight with some syrien people that sat beside me.
one of them was a guy who sells cars from germany to syria. as we talked he asked me how i would describe the german culture. i tried my best to point out the positive things but as i just came back from the ship my mind was filled with all the negative stuff. well i guess i painted a interesting picture of the so called german culture. something that i found fascinating but also scary was that the man interfered the way the parents talked to the children. in front of me was a little boy who kept poping up his head to me. the parents told him to stop but he wasn't really listening and then suddenly the guy beside me hit the boy and told him to stop. i expecte a argument between the father and the man but nothing happened instead it almost looked like the father apologized to the man who hit his child.

another conversation i had was with a family that sat behind me. a monther and her two grown up children. the woman talked about the family they wanted to visit and along the conversation offered me a ride to aleppo. in fact i wasn't really sure how i would get to aleppo. as my cotact with the team was limited i wasn't able to organize a pick up. my plan was to fight my way trough the airport and then somehow manage to get to aleppo. this rather stupid idea seemed the perfect and exiting thing to do for me in that moment. as the woman offered me the ride i was somewhat glad but also sceptic. but as we left the airplane and entered the airport i could point out georg who stood in between the crowd's and waited for me. i had never seen him before but he wasn't hard to identify as he was the only western looking guy with short blond hair and blue eyes. we exhanged some brief welcome words and then made our way to the bus station. we had to take the bus to damaskus main station and then again a bus to aleppo. i would have been more then just lost without georg . at the mainstation in damascus i ate my first syrien food. it was a so called "potato sandwich". it had many fries in it and some vegetables. it tasted "interesting" but i was glad to have something in my stomach after half a day without food. the ride to aleppo took us about 5 hours and most of the time i was sleeping. i tried to stay up and to get a glimps of the country but as it was night and pitch black i couldn't see a thing. the bus ride was a really nice experience as it was so different to what i expected. they had some really nice seats almost like thrones and they had someone walking around asking if we needed anything. i was happy and glad that i arrived safe in a country i knew almost nothing of.

as we arrived in aleppo we had to take a cap to get to the apartment. as we drove trough aleppo i was super exited. all these new impressions, smells, sounds, looks. we arrived in the apartment shortly after the sunrise. as we got in i met the other two guys from the team steven and paul. i was impressed with the apartment. it had three rather small rooms one kitchen and a small bathroom but a HUGE balcony that went all the way around the apartment. besides the owner of the house we were the only people living in the house which is common for aleppo. george and the others sat down with me and we talked a bit about the ground rules while i was visiting them. it all sounded a lot like "sebi we wane serve you and wane make this the best experience for you ever". i kind of have to laugh about this right now ;)
they taught me some of the basic arabic words such as "my name is", "i am from germany", "thank you"...with these few words they gave me my keys for the apartment and send me off to the city, alone.

there i was in aleppo syria the city i had longed to see and the country i had prayed for. unsure where i would go i just followed some of the road markes the guys gave me. before i knew it i had entered the historic city core. it is almost like entering a different time. the buildings looked just how they look in the old movies. the entire old part of the city has never changed. the same people groups live there as they did back in the time of jesus. the entire scenery made me feel like back in time. i slowly walked towards the entrance of the souk, the traditional market in aleppo. i will not be able to describe how i felt in there. i will not even be able to describe how it looked in there. maybe later when my mind allows me to go back some more.

on my way back i realized that i could only se guys. it was a strange picture that was painted there in my mind. at first it was all i had expected and then again not at all like i thought it would be. on my way back i had to cross one of the bigger roads in aleppo. trafic is ridiculous and dangerous in syria. as there are no real crosswalks you have to just walk as soon as there is a smaller gap in the never ending traffic. well i found a small gap and walked on the street just to find out that my gap wasn't as big as i thought it would be and that i faced a huge bus that did not seem to slow down. i am not really sure how i made it to the other side all i know is that the bus was so close that it had toughed my bag. but i made it to the other side. i had to walk trough a park on my way back. in this park a random guy followed me and started talking with me. he spoke good english and at first i was ok talking to him but then i realised that he was after something special. as soon as he said "your handsome" i knew that i should rather get going. how weirdm, the one moment i see a totally covered woman and the next one a gay guy hits on me.

i was glad to be back in the apartment and it took the rest of the day to write down what i had seen. i wrote in my syria journal which sadly never made it back along with my bible and my prayer book but more about that soon ;)

Picture for the day

syrien

...

the blessing of kids

i am grown up.
i am almost 23 and i think like an adult. i talk like one, i walk like one and i behave like one (sure not always but often enough ;)
we as adults are complicated and so cought up in our problems that we so often do not see the joy of life. in my time in mosbach i had some really hard days in uni. we had some brutal lessons and it wasn't always fun. i would come home from a busy and exhausting day in uni and would find three amazing boys at the door who couldn't wait to see me again. in my time in mosbach i lived with the benselers, a family i met on board the MV Doulos. they have three adorable boys and it only took a while and i became number four. i loved being the bigger brother and playing with them. manu, the youngest one would give me a hug as soon as i openend the door. he jumped on my arms and remaind there for sometimes a really long time. we washed dishes together, did laundry, eat together and sometimes even wrote emails together.
there is nothing more amazing in the world then having a little child on your arm that tells you that it loves you and wants to play with you.

we as adults forget what life is really all about. we think we know how life works as we had many experiences and many hard years that tought us many lessons but to be honest we forget what life should be like. i always loved having manu or the others (sami and joshi) around as they showed me that life is not hard and brutal and unfair but that life is what you make out of it. sure in the mind of an adult life is unfair and hard (which it sometimes really is) but is it not us who read to much into things? arn't we the real problem here?
i love to watch little children go trough their day. i wish i could be the same. if you ask a child what it will do tomorrow it will say "i don't know" and it will be happy. if you ask a adult what he will do the next day he will give you a list of things to do and he will not be happy.

the last two days i had the blessing to be around my two little cousin's (6 and 11).
we went to the zoo together and i tell you i haven't had that much fun in a long time. i was dead as we came home but i was happy. larissa and natascha are some of the most cute and smart kids i've ever met. both have blond hair and blue eyes and their faces are sprinkled with freckles. i am proud to be the bigger cousin and even feel a bit like the bigger brother.

what i love about kids is that they are always honest about their feelings towards you. they will show you if they like you and the oposite. kids are the most honest people in the world. i was amazed to see how open and friendly they were towards me as i haven't seen them in three long years. it took them only split seconds to open up. and it only took a split second and i was in love with them ;)

this world needs children, this world needs these little humans that remind us that life can be fun. watch the kids and learn.
sebi

the easter paradox

around two thousand years ago jesus was crucified.
for us in germany as a christian country this means that we get some special holidays.
friday is a off day as it is the day were jesus was hung on the cross. it is a quiet day and it is forbidden to party. the saturday is a normal day like all the others, people go to work and all the stores are open. sunday again is a off day. first because it is a sunday and in germany these days are usualy off but also because it is the day jesus rose from the dead. monday is also a off day to remember jesus.

now here is the thing that made me think. friday is off, sunday and monday as well but why is saturday not off? people have to go to work and live life like nothing happened. and right there it hit me. two thousand years ago the same thing happened.

----
it is friday and jesus is about to be crucified. his disciples are shocked and furious. they watch him put to death and they don't understand. wasn't he surposed to safe them? how does this work?
i'm sure there world collapsed that day. they all put their hopes on to jesus and hoped to be safed and then he just dies. no big fireworks, no voice from heaven, no angels who would lead the fight against the evil romans, no big BANG, nothing.
if i would have been one of the diciples i am sure i would have been crushed. i am a really emotional person and i am somebody who is really HAPPY one moment and super SAD the next one. i would have been crushed that day.

so what happenes next? jesus is dead and it is saturday. the deciples went to bed and woke up again and nothing has changed jesus is still dead and their world is still fallen to peaces. so what happenes? they just move on, they all just move on. it is a day like no other. people go to work and pretend like nothing had happened. sure not for all of them but for most of them. some of the deciples even go back to their work.

and then sunday comes. and jesus rose from the dead. joy and laughter is in the air. now all makes sense.

----

back to the present. each year we celebrate easter to remember jesus death on the cross and each year we celebrate it exactly as it happened. their is good friday a day where we all are shocked and remember what jesus did for us on the cross. then their is sutaurday where life goes back to normal and then their is sunday when we celebrate the resurrection of jesus.

-easter thoughts-
sebi

family time

after my brother left essen back in 07 to move to munich it has been always hard to get together as the entire family. but this easter it worked out.
i awoke this morning with my mum telling me to get up. as soon as she called me i knew that dodi had arrived. it has been at least half a year that i saw him. the last time we jumped out of a airplane at our birthdays.

having him around is amazing. we went for a nice longboard ride today and i was able to tech him how to slide. i was amazed to see how easy he picked it up.

Dodi sliding a nice curve...


...and me sliding the same



after beni had finished his shift we picked him up and went for another longboard ride but this time with all four of us. so here we were dodi, beni, esther and me having fun. i have to say we are the only siblings i know of that share the same hobbies such as longboarding.


the DUKAT CLAN

we had a great time and some funny moments. gladly we all survided even if we had some dangerous situations such as this one ;)



maybe i should mention that dodi was behind the camera.

it is amazing to have the whole family together. spending time with my big brother is something very special these days. i am glad that we all understand each other so well. we had some rough times as siblings but we all got to a point where we love each other so much that all the differences don't care anymore.

today was a good day and i am glad that i am here in essen right now.
i wish you all a blessed easter.
sebi

and again two weeks have passed

i now look back to the past two weeks i am really surprised to see how much has happened. i moved back to essen and started work two days after i got here. i had no idea where i would work until i came to essen and two days after got here i was offered a job at an institution where i had worked a year before. i happily accepted and started work the next day. i originally had planned to use the first week for sleep ins but that idea did not work out and now i find myself again working a job where i have to get up before sunrise. i like my job. i work in a small café that is run by a institution for mentaly challenged people who have a drug addiction. i love working with the people and they give me so much. if i had a bad day at home these people just make me happy again. i sometimes ask myself if i help them or if it is not them helping me.

it is now a while ago that i decided to quite my studies. i always sad that i would not quite until i know whats next. well i thought i would know the next step but matter of fact i still have no clue what comes next. i applied for some jobs and i am still waiting for answer's. one of them would be for H&M which is not my first option but it would be a good experience. another one would be for lufthansa. i applied for a job as a stuard and first was rejected but now was offered a different location as a home base. we will see what will happen with this. well and i also worked on a portfolio for an arts program. i am really happy with the portfolio even if i know that my chances are not that good to get in. my original idea to start deaf studies this winter is also another thing that i am looking at.

as you can see my future is somewhat a HUGE mistery and to be honest i am not sure if having so many different things running at the same time is such a smart idea. but sorry to say that, this is just who i am. i am not somebody who makes planes. thats what i tried over the past months. i am somebody who just lives life as it comes. so i have no idea what will happen in the next weeks/months or even years. do i have a future plan? sure i do but it is not that complex. i wane serve god where ever he needs me and in what ever job he needs me in. does this mean i will have to study something specific and start working a normal job? maybe but it could also mean that i just take whatever job comes along. i am not that stressed out anymore about my future. i kind of don't care a whole lot about it in the moment. i tried to creat my perfect future and i set up a perfect plan and believe me or not but i took control of my life and that was a huge mistake. well maybe not that huge but it went wrong. i allowed myself to take over at the helm (ships term for stearing wheel). you know if you think you can run your life as it pleases you, i tell you it won't really work. god is in control of your life if you want it or not. i even feel a bit like jonah who ran away from god. god told him to do something and he didn't listen. instead he ran away. god never told me what to do next but i also never really asked him about his opinion. sure i prayed but did i really care so much about his plans for my life or was it more me dreaming about a glorious and beautiful future with an amazing job and an amazing wife and kids? not asking for his help is the same thing as runing away from god. and here i am. god took these dreams from me and in some ways i would even say he freed me from them. you know back on the ship i tought myself how to pray for others i even got to the point that i wrote prayer books for some people. but i never learned how to pray for myself. it goes like this: do you believe that god loves your friends? sure you do. but do you also believe that he loves you? i struggle believeing that he loves me for who i am but thats not unnormal if we are honest with ourselfs. it is easy for me to pray for others because i KNOW that god loves them but it is hard to pray for myself because i struggle to believe that he loves me.

that i do not believe that i am loved by the one who created me is a core issue in my life in the moment. i controls my every move. every decision i make is based on my faith but if my faith is not fully developed in the moment how can i take the right decisions? i believe in god, i believe in jesus i believe in the miracles he did in my life but i struggle to accept that i am loved even if my life is a huge mess right now. you know it is easy to believe that your parents love you if you do what they tell you to do. for example: your mum tells you to clean up your room and you do it. she comes in smiles at you and tells you that she loves you. now, same situation but this time you did not clean up your room instead you created a huge mess (maybe not even on purpose), your mum comes in smiles at you and tells you that she loves you. in which situation would you rather believe your mum? sure the first one and you know why? because you think that you deserve the love, that you earned it. and that is the "problem" with gods love. we can't earn his love and we certainly do not deserve it. gods love for us is such a waste. he should not love us but he does. his loves is against our human understanding. if i do not deserve love why the heck do i get it then? this is not fair and not right. as a brother of three other kids in our family, life was not always easy. all these fights about who gets to stay up late or who gets to sit in front of the car or who gets to bring the mail to the post station. i remember beating up my little brother and i mean really beating him up because he wanted to bring the mail to the station as much as i did (kids, argue and fight about the most ridiculous things). well today i looked him into the eyes and told him that i am sorry for beating him up back then. he started to laugh and told me that he could not remember that this happened. a second later he apologized for punching me in the face in a different situation which i could not remember (i guess he punched really hard). and there we stood in the kitchen hugging each other for something we did as little kids. well i have to be honest and say that i was scared that he would remember this day when i did beat him up and that he would plan a revenge (he is now almost two heads taller then i am and even a little stronger but psssst).

coming back to god and his love for us. you see in my mind i knew that i did something wrong with punching my little brother. and even now more then 15 years later i still remember the day and the horrible feeling i had after fighting my little brother for something so stupid such as a letter. but god is different. he does not remember the sins i did in my past if i ask him for forgivenenes and repent. god does not hold these things against us after we asked for his grace and love. he will never open a box and point out the things we did wrong just to make us feel bad. we all know these moments: you get into a fight with your brother, sister or best friend and suddenly they pull out some stupid thing you did way back in time. these moments hurt. they hurt because it show's us that even if we asked for forgineness the other person still holds this against us. god is different he will never do such a thing.

and that is the core issue. we will never understand what jesus really did for us. we will never be able to rap our minds around what really happened, because we are human and we think like humans, act like humans and forgive like humans. god is so much bigger then you are/then i am.

we need to learn to forgive like god does. we need to learn to love like god does. we need to understand that we will not be able to understand. we need to be more like jesus.
good night and happy easter
sebi

friendships

friendships come and friendships go.
sometimes we don't even recognize that we made new friends and suddenly you find yourself surrounded by new people that you call friends. and sometimes you have to realize that some friendships have moved on.

but what hurts the most, the one thing that feels like someone has ripped out your heart just in front of you is to loose your best friend. sometimes we have to face difficult decisions or life itself takes people away from us. either way loosing your best friend is one of the worst things that could happen to anyone of us. we all love our friendships. for us as singles these friendships mean the world to us and it is the one thing that keeps us going in life. to loose one of these friends is like hitting a wall in hight speed with no seatbelt on. it takes all your energy it turnes a sunny beautiful day into a dark nightmare. it can steal you joy, your peace, your motivation to do anything at all. even your body reacts to it. you feel sick, powerless, weak. stomach cramps and the feeling of throwing up become your dark passanger. it feels like loosing part of your personality. our friends are the people that build us up, that teach us that show us the good and the bad. our friends are our teachers. our friends are our soundingboards. nobody wants to loose this. but sometimes we have to let go. sometimes we need to move on. sometimes we need to face the hard and cold reality of life and need to let go. sometimes we need to let our hearts be ripped out. sometimes we need to be in incredible pain. sometimes we have to loose all our joy all our trust.

sometimes we have to loose our best friends...and then we realize that the only best friend in our lifes is jesus christ. the only person, the only friendship, the only relationship that will never change, that will never fail is the one we have with jesus christ. his love for us never fails.

i love my best friend.
sebi

when time stands still and the world keeps turning

everything around me is turning faster than i think it would. i try to grap what's in front of me but before i even get a good grip of it, it is already gone.
do you know this feeling?

that's how i felt the last month's. i felt like time stood still for me and only for me. the world around me kept moving in high speed but i stood still. something like standing in front of a train that is passing in fullspeed and your trying to get on (please don't try this it might hurt). my life has been a really hard challenge for the last let's say 8 month's. i have kept fighting for something that seemed right but now looking back i see it was the wrong thing. i had some rough times with god and not all of my friendships made it trough this hard time. but i still believe that i did not wasted my time. heck no. i learned so many lessons and i am so thankful for each one of them. i am thankful for all the new friends i made and for all the things i learned about myself.

a miracle happened, i am back on the train and life is back to normal again. it feel's amazing and i am so happy that somehow i managed to jump back on the train.
this is a new start, a new beginning, a new me ;)

i'm exited about what's next are you?
blessings
sebi

life is good

I'm sitting in the uni right now and i'm listening to a mr. Hess.
I arrived back in mosbach on sunday afternoon after a month working in my company.
The time in hankensbuettel has been good and a lot happened.
after a long time of struggling with my studies i have come to the decision to quit my studies.
It wasn't a easy decision but i have total peace about it and it was the right thing to do.

I'm in mosbach in the moment to arange the final things with the uni and to spent the last days with my awesome study mates. I am truly thankful for all the new friends i have made in my time being here. I will miss you guys a lot and i'm sorry for leaving you all. Thanks for your friendships and your help. JAn i will miss your character and your listening ear. Flo and daniel i thank you for your patience with me and for all the fun we had studying math, physic and all the other hardcore stuff. Kai i think your awesome and you have an amazing style (i'm still interested in that jumper dude). At all the guys that share the passion for HIMYM: life is gone be LEGEN, wait for it DARY. I thank you all for your acceptence and for alowing me to lead this class for the past 3 months. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

So now whats next?
I have some ideas but i think it is to soon to post it here. I need your prayers for guidence and for the right focus. I will let you guys know what will happen next as soon as i know more details but it will be totally different thats for sure.

Ok i think it is time to listen to the prof one last time.
God bless you all
love sebi

flashback

it is 6am and the heat of the morning woke me up. even if the sun is only up for a few minutes the temperature is already climbing up the heat ladder. i am the first to be up and slowly i make my way to the bathroom. i take the first and definitely not the last cold shower of the day. i grap my bible and make my way to our terrace. the sun is still on its way up. the rooftops are dipped into the most beautiful colors and the red of the sun and the blue of the sky creat a stunning scenery.

i get on my knees and start praying.
i thank god for the chance he gave me to visit this beautiful country of syria. i thank him for the friends i made here and the amazing time i already spent in alleppo.
after a few minutes of silence the mosques start their early morning prayer.
as our flat is located between three different mosques we have a surround sound. i never really wondered how it would be to listen to these prayers day after day but during my time in syria these moments became one of my highlights for the day. i often sat on our roof studying the arabic language and listening to music but as soon as the prayer started i stopped what i was doing and i became silent for the time being. even now i do miss it.

the silent took over again and i open my bible. i started reading the new testament again as i came to syria with the goal to finish it while being there.
today i read in matthew 10. i stumble over the verses 17-22

"17 Be on your guard; you will be handed over to the local councils and be flogged in the synagogues. 18 On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles. 19 But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, 20 for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. 21 “Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. 22 You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved."

wow what a passage and what a meaning. jesus is speaking to his deciples and sending them out into the cities to proclaim the name of god. and then this, he tells them that if they will be arrested that they should not worry about what to say. just think about it for a second. jesus telling this to his deciples means that they are in danger. i wonder if they knew what they would get into. i can picture a group of 12 "young" guys full of exitment and ready for a big adventure and then these words. i wonder if some of them did hesitate to go out. sure they all started to follow jesus at some point and they already had some rough moments with him but this is a level up. now they are on their own and not under the "wings" of their rabbi. just think about it for a second. imagine your pastor comes up to you and tells you you should go from house to house telling the people about jesus but he also tells you that you will be acussed and probably persecuted. would you go?

but then again these powerful words jesus gives them on their way. do not worry about what to say as the holy spirit will be speaking and not you. if i try to picture somebody being questioned and then instead of him the holy spirit speaks, i always have to think about school. think about your worst subject and the imagine that you're in a big exam and you did not study for it. you teacher is asking you all these hardcore questions and you have no idea what to say but suddenly your mouth openes and the right answer's come out and you pass the exam. this is what i think of if i try to picture it. sure instead of a teacher you have a jugde or a priest accusing you and instead of a school your in a jail or courthouse. and suddenly these powerful words become even more impressive.

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when i read this i had no idea how real and important this passage would become later in my life but more about this sometime else.

sebi

short update

hey there,

it is time to have a short sum up of the firts exam's.
as so far i failed all of them, still waiting on two more to come back.
how i feel, well a wise man and good friend told me today not to feel like a failer but i have to admit that it is hard to do so. i know that right now i am carried by prayer as i am at peace but i also know that the moment will come when it hits me. it is time to go to bed and guess what, i am scared as the last time i failed an exam i stayed up all night questioning my studies. so here we go again.

i know that god has a plan for my life. as jenny one of my close and good friends ones told me "sometimes god leads us down a path just to show us another one". so here i stand asking god what he expects from me. i'm not ready to give up. not now. but to pass all of the exams that will come in a few weeks i will have to grow beyond my already extended limits and potential.

i wane thank all of you for your prayers and love.
be blessed
sebi

the bike ride

i'm on my bike and on my way home.
it is freezing and i can harldy feel my fingers. i just finished work. it was my first day after 3 months sitting in the uni and studying my brain numb. it is a hard bike ride. i am not even sure if i really wane ride my bike. the road seems never ending long and only if i focus on my tires i see that i am still moving. i'm exhausted and tired, all i wane do is just take a break and relax. the sun is in my back and the colors should be amazing but i am not going the right direction for me to see.
finally i stop and i turn around and this is what i see:



what i see is god and what i feel is love.
oh heck yes this bike ride is the worst ride of my life but i am not alone.
i feel safe and loved by the one who created me and who created the dude who created this bike. if he knows how hard this ride is for me then he will be able to help me.
ride your bike's dude's, ride it

sebi

and here we go again

and again my life is packed away.
all my belongings are store more or less neat into my bags and i am off to hankensbüttel again.

my last weeks/months have once again brought me to my personal limits but again i have faught and i have faught bravely. my first exams are over and i really can't believe that i sticked in the studies for so long. more then once i had to ask myself if this is really what i want and more then once have i been on the "couch" of my friends complaining about life and the studies. but i have been rebuked over and over again and i have made it to a point where i started to accept the consequences of the decision i made back in august.

and my friends i am proude to announce that i am happy i did.
here i am a new me, someone who faught kind of the first time in my life for somthing that seemed impossible. i will see how my exams really went in a few weeks but i am excited about the outcome either way i know i did not give up but i stayed and i grew.

thanks to everyon who prayed for me who struggled with me and who kicked me in the butt again and again.

have a great night
sebi

back to the roots

i am a very open person.
let me rephrase this: i was a very open person.

as i came back from the ship i told myself that me being so open is not really the way it should be. i told myself that i should change, that i shouldn't share so much with people. i told myself that i would "train" myself from sharing everything with everyone to sharing only the important things with some people.
slowly i started to close down and i became more aware of what i say and with whom i share things. slowly i allowed myself to change.

now here i am. i am someone i never was before, i struggle to open up with people.
isn't this funny? first i shared everything and now i struggle to open up.
i wane go back to where i came from, i wane be more open again.
i started to fear that people would not be interested in what i share. i started to think too much and i started not to talk about the things that lay on my heart.
i blame some of it on the practical phase i had in my studies as it was a really hard time and i was challenged in many ways. but most of it comes from me thinking i should change.

god has given me an amazing gift. he made me a open and joy full person. usually i am someone who smiles a lot, who laughs and does not care what others think. usually i am a "sunshine" person. people would come up to me and tell me they see gods love in who i am. this has stopped. i became a closed and in some ways bitter person. i have allowed myself to fight against the gift i was given. ok granted i was to open in some ways but i went from one extreme to the other. i acknowledge gods gift in my life and i wane be who he made me. a wise man recently told me that someone who has found himself in god will be "happy" always. someone who has found himself in god will have perfect peace. i wane be this person. i wane stand up and stop being scared of things i usually aren't. i wane be me again. i wane be sebastian dukat and not a shadow of myself. i wane be confident in what i study in the life i live in the friends i have in the things i share. i wane be someone people trust someone they value someone they like and love. i wane be gods son.

i have stopped to share things, i have stopped to talk.
i have stopped to talk with god. i have failed him.

but here i am with a new heart. here i am knowing that i am a sinful man.
here i am bagging for a new start with my personal saviour jesus christ.
here i am ready to discover myslef in him.
here i am ready to live again.

sebi

2011 here we come

hey i just wane get out the word that i made a calendar for the year 2011.
if you are interested just let me know.
here a preview:
http://www.everpixx.de/preview3?pid=7447ed84cf4d2402d30df799b1c010f1&no_cache=1