flashback

it is 6am and the heat of the morning woke me up. even if the sun is only up for a few minutes the temperature is already climbing up the heat ladder. i am the first to be up and slowly i make my way to the bathroom. i take the first and definitely not the last cold shower of the day. i grap my bible and make my way to our terrace. the sun is still on its way up. the rooftops are dipped into the most beautiful colors and the red of the sun and the blue of the sky creat a stunning scenery.

i get on my knees and start praying.
i thank god for the chance he gave me to visit this beautiful country of syria. i thank him for the friends i made here and the amazing time i already spent in alleppo.
after a few minutes of silence the mosques start their early morning prayer.
as our flat is located between three different mosques we have a surround sound. i never really wondered how it would be to listen to these prayers day after day but during my time in syria these moments became one of my highlights for the day. i often sat on our roof studying the arabic language and listening to music but as soon as the prayer started i stopped what i was doing and i became silent for the time being. even now i do miss it.

the silent took over again and i open my bible. i started reading the new testament again as i came to syria with the goal to finish it while being there.
today i read in matthew 10. i stumble over the verses 17-22

"17 Be on your guard; you will be handed over to the local councils and be flogged in the synagogues. 18 On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles. 19 But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, 20 for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. 21 “Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. 22 You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved."

wow what a passage and what a meaning. jesus is speaking to his deciples and sending them out into the cities to proclaim the name of god. and then this, he tells them that if they will be arrested that they should not worry about what to say. just think about it for a second. jesus telling this to his deciples means that they are in danger. i wonder if they knew what they would get into. i can picture a group of 12 "young" guys full of exitment and ready for a big adventure and then these words. i wonder if some of them did hesitate to go out. sure they all started to follow jesus at some point and they already had some rough moments with him but this is a level up. now they are on their own and not under the "wings" of their rabbi. just think about it for a second. imagine your pastor comes up to you and tells you you should go from house to house telling the people about jesus but he also tells you that you will be acussed and probably persecuted. would you go?

but then again these powerful words jesus gives them on their way. do not worry about what to say as the holy spirit will be speaking and not you. if i try to picture somebody being questioned and then instead of him the holy spirit speaks, i always have to think about school. think about your worst subject and the imagine that you're in a big exam and you did not study for it. you teacher is asking you all these hardcore questions and you have no idea what to say but suddenly your mouth openes and the right answer's come out and you pass the exam. this is what i think of if i try to picture it. sure instead of a teacher you have a jugde or a priest accusing you and instead of a school your in a jail or courthouse. and suddenly these powerful words become even more impressive.

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when i read this i had no idea how real and important this passage would become later in my life but more about this sometime else.

sebi

short update

hey there,

it is time to have a short sum up of the firts exam's.
as so far i failed all of them, still waiting on two more to come back.
how i feel, well a wise man and good friend told me today not to feel like a failer but i have to admit that it is hard to do so. i know that right now i am carried by prayer as i am at peace but i also know that the moment will come when it hits me. it is time to go to bed and guess what, i am scared as the last time i failed an exam i stayed up all night questioning my studies. so here we go again.

i know that god has a plan for my life. as jenny one of my close and good friends ones told me "sometimes god leads us down a path just to show us another one". so here i stand asking god what he expects from me. i'm not ready to give up. not now. but to pass all of the exams that will come in a few weeks i will have to grow beyond my already extended limits and potential.

i wane thank all of you for your prayers and love.
be blessed
sebi

the bike ride

i'm on my bike and on my way home.
it is freezing and i can harldy feel my fingers. i just finished work. it was my first day after 3 months sitting in the uni and studying my brain numb. it is a hard bike ride. i am not even sure if i really wane ride my bike. the road seems never ending long and only if i focus on my tires i see that i am still moving. i'm exhausted and tired, all i wane do is just take a break and relax. the sun is in my back and the colors should be amazing but i am not going the right direction for me to see.
finally i stop and i turn around and this is what i see:



what i see is god and what i feel is love.
oh heck yes this bike ride is the worst ride of my life but i am not alone.
i feel safe and loved by the one who created me and who created the dude who created this bike. if he knows how hard this ride is for me then he will be able to help me.
ride your bike's dude's, ride it

sebi

and here we go again

and again my life is packed away.
all my belongings are store more or less neat into my bags and i am off to hankensbüttel again.

my last weeks/months have once again brought me to my personal limits but again i have faught and i have faught bravely. my first exams are over and i really can't believe that i sticked in the studies for so long. more then once i had to ask myself if this is really what i want and more then once have i been on the "couch" of my friends complaining about life and the studies. but i have been rebuked over and over again and i have made it to a point where i started to accept the consequences of the decision i made back in august.

and my friends i am proude to announce that i am happy i did.
here i am a new me, someone who faught kind of the first time in my life for somthing that seemed impossible. i will see how my exams really went in a few weeks but i am excited about the outcome either way i know i did not give up but i stayed and i grew.

thanks to everyon who prayed for me who struggled with me and who kicked me in the butt again and again.

have a great night
sebi