a while ago i purchased a Lomo Lubitel 166B.it is a old Russian camera but before i start talking about the technical information i will instead show you some of my frist shoots with it.
enjoy ;)
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
it's winter
besides all the challenging things that happen these days there are many amazing things that i am truly thankful for. one of them is the fact that it is winter. this is the first winter after my time on board and not having a winter for 2 years is interesting. i would say i have never spent so much interest in the change of sessions. most of my new found joy comes from the fact that i have many friends who never seen the change of sessions. it makes me more aware of my surroundings.
a while ago i purchased a Lomo Lubitel 166B.it is a old Russian camera but before i start talking about the technical information i will instead show you some of my frist shoots with it.
enjoy ;)
a while ago i purchased a Lomo Lubitel 166B.it is a old Russian camera but before i start talking about the technical information i will instead show you some of my frist shoots with it.
enjoy ;)
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Life and its ways
i am mad,
mad at myself, mad at life, mad at god and mad at the fact that i am mad at all of this. to be honest i am truly blessed in so many ways and i can't believe that god would bless me in all these ways but then again there is so much anger inside of me, so much frustration and disappointment that makes it hard to even see the blessings. god is teaching us many things and the teaching is not always nice and easy and then when we think we have learned a lesson that took us many days of intense pain we will be tested. and again in these days of testing we will be down and in pain. WHY? why is all of this so hard? to be honest i wish i would be somewhere else in missions in a hardcore situation having to sacrifice all i am and all i have for gods glory risking my life for his sake. this is who i really am and what i wane do but instead i have to wrestle with uni and stupid math stuff which i don't even like.
i am mad that i have to be here.
i know that god has a plan and that he cares so much about me but i do not agree with his plan for my life in the moment. i wane escape and run away, thats how i feel in the moment. i just wane throw all of this away and run to a random place confessing his love.
how can i long for such a thing if i am not even ready to love him in the place i am right now? and again i am mad at myself for even asking all these questions. if this is gods plan for my life it is the best thing that could happen for me right now. i know these things, i do believe me but then again my heart rebels against it BIG TIME. i get to understand more and more the real fight within us.
"it is not about me" how many times have i said this before in my life and how many times have i talked about real sacrifice before? but right now i am not doing what i talked about with so much passion before. i re read some of my older posts and had to ask myself "who wrote all this". i am not who i was months ago. i am a angry and mad person that would like to throw all of this away and run. i wane run away from gods plan.
i will not run but that's not what counts. it is the fact that i wane run that makes me mad. it is the fact that i wane quit gods plan and do what i think is right that makes me furious.
i am the issue, i am the problem and i need jesus.
sebi
mad at myself, mad at life, mad at god and mad at the fact that i am mad at all of this. to be honest i am truly blessed in so many ways and i can't believe that god would bless me in all these ways but then again there is so much anger inside of me, so much frustration and disappointment that makes it hard to even see the blessings. god is teaching us many things and the teaching is not always nice and easy and then when we think we have learned a lesson that took us many days of intense pain we will be tested. and again in these days of testing we will be down and in pain. WHY? why is all of this so hard? to be honest i wish i would be somewhere else in missions in a hardcore situation having to sacrifice all i am and all i have for gods glory risking my life for his sake. this is who i really am and what i wane do but instead i have to wrestle with uni and stupid math stuff which i don't even like.
i am mad that i have to be here.
i know that god has a plan and that he cares so much about me but i do not agree with his plan for my life in the moment. i wane escape and run away, thats how i feel in the moment. i just wane throw all of this away and run to a random place confessing his love.
how can i long for such a thing if i am not even ready to love him in the place i am right now? and again i am mad at myself for even asking all these questions. if this is gods plan for my life it is the best thing that could happen for me right now. i know these things, i do believe me but then again my heart rebels against it BIG TIME. i get to understand more and more the real fight within us.
"it is not about me" how many times have i said this before in my life and how many times have i talked about real sacrifice before? but right now i am not doing what i talked about with so much passion before. i re read some of my older posts and had to ask myself "who wrote all this". i am not who i was months ago. i am a angry and mad person that would like to throw all of this away and run. i wane run away from gods plan.
i will not run but that's not what counts. it is the fact that i wane run that makes me mad. it is the fact that i wane quit gods plan and do what i think is right that makes me furious.
i am the issue, i am the problem and i need jesus.
sebi
Sunday, October 31, 2010
god changes everything
it is now a decent while ago that i have left the ship.
to be honest the last months on the ship are more a huge messed up picture and it's hard to pick out all the small different situations i experienced. part of it is because so much was happening at the same time. people left and we packed down the ship. 6 months went by like a blink. at the beginning of our time in singapore we were almost 300 people on board and then suddenly 33. it does something with you saying good bye to so many people. there were moments i didn't want to go down and say good bye and to be honest sometimes i did not. i guess it was part of me trying to protect myself from further pain.
now i look back and i see many lost opportunities where i could have done things better. but i also see and realize that i still have the chance to make things right. god has changed my heart in the last week in a very intense way. many things happened on the ship and so many times i messed up but i got to the point where i can accept these things and were i feel ready to ask for forgiveness. a chance is only lost when you give up on it. a friendship can still work even if you hurt each other in a painful way. there is something that connects us and this something is our love for jesus christ. many people have these stories where they were able to forgive their brothers and sister because of jesus. now its my turn to write these stories in my own personal life. and i hope you will get there to one day.
this weekend has been a huge blessing for me.
for the first time in almost 4 weeks i was able to attend a church service. i had been working the last weekends and it really damaged me. so today i had a really good day with christians. there are these days when god is just telling you over and over again that he loves you. i still feel strange and some of it is because i know the answers but i don't feel them. but one of my good friends just reminded me of a song that was so often sung on the ship "strength will raise as we wait upon the lord" and waiting does not always mean we feel all happy and all joyful. you can wait on something in pain as much as you can wait in joy. be patient friend and i tell you god won't disappoint you.
have a good night reader.
sebi
to be honest the last months on the ship are more a huge messed up picture and it's hard to pick out all the small different situations i experienced. part of it is because so much was happening at the same time. people left and we packed down the ship. 6 months went by like a blink. at the beginning of our time in singapore we were almost 300 people on board and then suddenly 33. it does something with you saying good bye to so many people. there were moments i didn't want to go down and say good bye and to be honest sometimes i did not. i guess it was part of me trying to protect myself from further pain.
now i look back and i see many lost opportunities where i could have done things better. but i also see and realize that i still have the chance to make things right. god has changed my heart in the last week in a very intense way. many things happened on the ship and so many times i messed up but i got to the point where i can accept these things and were i feel ready to ask for forgiveness. a chance is only lost when you give up on it. a friendship can still work even if you hurt each other in a painful way. there is something that connects us and this something is our love for jesus christ. many people have these stories where they were able to forgive their brothers and sister because of jesus. now its my turn to write these stories in my own personal life. and i hope you will get there to one day.
this weekend has been a huge blessing for me.
for the first time in almost 4 weeks i was able to attend a church service. i had been working the last weekends and it really damaged me. so today i had a really good day with christians. there are these days when god is just telling you over and over again that he loves you. i still feel strange and some of it is because i know the answers but i don't feel them. but one of my good friends just reminded me of a song that was so often sung on the ship "strength will raise as we wait upon the lord" and waiting does not always mean we feel all happy and all joyful. you can wait on something in pain as much as you can wait in joy. be patient friend and i tell you god won't disappoint you.
have a good night reader.
sebi
Saturday, October 30, 2010
being creative
people who know me will know that i am an creative person.
it's nothing i had to choose, nothing i really had to learn. i just do and most of the time the result is good. i like the things i do even if i normally can't keep them for myself. if i create something i like i feel the urge to give it away. thing i hang up on my wall or place in my room usually last for a week until i find somebody to give it to. one of my latest joys is the analog photography. since i hand in the films to be developed and they get back with prints i started to hung them up on my wall.
the picture below shows my room in a rather earlier stage so for now its even "worse".
as i have some creative moments i take down the pictures i like and use them for things such as cards, letters or other random things. my latest creation is a bible cover for a friend in america.
i enjoy making things but i am also a person who need creative moments to be creative. i have a hard time doing something if i am not in the mood for it. as work in the last weeks has been anything else except inspiring so i have not been doing anything at all lately. and this is the ironic thing. i need to create things it is part of who i am. if i don't i get moody and all upset but as much as i need to be creative i also need the creative moments and if i don't get them i can't be creative. you get the problem. this is one of the reasons why i have been so painful moody in the last days. as i got some time to finish some projects yesterday and today i am more joyful than i have been in a while but still there is this nagging feeling that i need to create something that just and simply will be good.
on the ship i started to listen to mark driscoll sermons whenever i was creative. i took this habit with me home. so when i am creative it does not only mean i get time for myself but also that i get time with god.
if i am grumpy and moody all i need to do is i have to get some time alone to be creative.
have a great evening
jesus rules
it's nothing i had to choose, nothing i really had to learn. i just do and most of the time the result is good. i like the things i do even if i normally can't keep them for myself. if i create something i like i feel the urge to give it away. thing i hang up on my wall or place in my room usually last for a week until i find somebody to give it to. one of my latest joys is the analog photography. since i hand in the films to be developed and they get back with prints i started to hung them up on my wall.
the picture below shows my room in a rather earlier stage so for now its even "worse".
as i have some creative moments i take down the pictures i like and use them for things such as cards, letters or other random things. my latest creation is a bible cover for a friend in america.
i enjoy making things but i am also a person who need creative moments to be creative. i have a hard time doing something if i am not in the mood for it. as work in the last weeks has been anything else except inspiring so i have not been doing anything at all lately. and this is the ironic thing. i need to create things it is part of who i am. if i don't i get moody and all upset but as much as i need to be creative i also need the creative moments and if i don't get them i can't be creative. you get the problem. this is one of the reasons why i have been so painful moody in the last days. as i got some time to finish some projects yesterday and today i am more joyful than i have been in a while but still there is this nagging feeling that i need to create something that just and simply will be good.
on the ship i started to listen to mark driscoll sermons whenever i was creative. i took this habit with me home. so when i am creative it does not only mean i get time for myself but also that i get time with god.
if i am grumpy and moody all i need to do is i have to get some time alone to be creative.
have a great evening
jesus rules
Friday, October 29, 2010
thoughts
a father who loves his son will do everything he can to make his beloved one happy.
but how far can he go. can he create lies to make himself look better so hat his son believes his dad has what it takes? how can a broken man teach his son the most important lesson in life for a man "you have what it takes"? he can't he does not know how to.
our society has long forgotten the important values of life and how to teach the next generation what is so important for them to learn. we lack of good examples in our world today that teach simple and basic principles such as "truth" or "courage" or "love" keep adding to the list. how can someone who had never been taught that he has what it takes go on in life and do well? how can we as boys learn the most important lesson that will make us into man if we don't have man leading us this way. my father has done well raising me but there are some lessons i had to learn the hard way the way this world has started to teach its slaves. i want my kids to learn that they have what it takes. i want my sons to look up to me and see a dad that has not abandoned the important values of a life designed by god. i want my sons to learn from me that they have what it takes. i want to be a man that they want to have as a father.
oh how i long to be this man. how i want to grow and change so that one day these words will become true. i stand here and see up front and all i see is a door clouded with darkness. i don't think i have what it takes to enter...how can i believe in myself if everyday people tell me otherwise. god is there no question but god can't teach me how to handle life if i am not believing in myself.
where is the man i am supposed to be.
one day i will be a father. one day i will hold my son in my arms and i will tell him he has what it takes and i will do so as a man. a man who knows he got what it takes. and until i will become this man i will allow myself to fall into gods arms and trust that he will guide me there. i need adventure which will teach me the lessons i need to learn. i need other man to hold my hand until i will be strong enough to walk on my own. i need father figures that will teach me the big lessons. i need christians around me that show me how to deal with life. i need you dad.
god with you
sebi
but how far can he go. can he create lies to make himself look better so hat his son believes his dad has what it takes? how can a broken man teach his son the most important lesson in life for a man "you have what it takes"? he can't he does not know how to.
our society has long forgotten the important values of life and how to teach the next generation what is so important for them to learn. we lack of good examples in our world today that teach simple and basic principles such as "truth" or "courage" or "love" keep adding to the list. how can someone who had never been taught that he has what it takes go on in life and do well? how can we as boys learn the most important lesson that will make us into man if we don't have man leading us this way. my father has done well raising me but there are some lessons i had to learn the hard way the way this world has started to teach its slaves. i want my kids to learn that they have what it takes. i want my sons to look up to me and see a dad that has not abandoned the important values of a life designed by god. i want my sons to learn from me that they have what it takes. i want to be a man that they want to have as a father.
oh how i long to be this man. how i want to grow and change so that one day these words will become true. i stand here and see up front and all i see is a door clouded with darkness. i don't think i have what it takes to enter...how can i believe in myself if everyday people tell me otherwise. god is there no question but god can't teach me how to handle life if i am not believing in myself.
where is the man i am supposed to be.
one day i will be a father. one day i will hold my son in my arms and i will tell him he has what it takes and i will do so as a man. a man who knows he got what it takes. and until i will become this man i will allow myself to fall into gods arms and trust that he will guide me there. i need adventure which will teach me the lessons i need to learn. i need other man to hold my hand until i will be strong enough to walk on my own. i need father figures that will teach me the big lessons. i need christians around me that show me how to deal with life. i need you dad.
god with you
sebi
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
life
sometimes the box you open has sweets on top but later you find out you were fooled and nasty stuff is hidden underneath.
that's how i feel right now.
it is 11 past 7am and i should be at work right now. i had called up one of my colleagues and asked if he could pick me up because i still don't have a drivers license or a car (won't have both for a while) he said yes but seemed grumpy. then i stand there waiting for him and waiting and waiting. after almost 20min i decide to call my boss and tell him that i'm still waiting. he just said that this colleague was already at the company and that he just and simply said i was not there. this makes me angry. why? because i was ready and i waited and because it shows this guy does not really like me. he could have called my cell asking me where i was or something but just leave me there is rude.
i am a open person and usually i have no problems with people but here...oh this is such a different world. i miss the south or the west were people have the guts to tell you that they don't like you. here its all secretive and hidden behind a mask. a mask of lies. arg. yes i am frustrated.
another thing that sucks is that i have to pay study fees. for all non german people: study fees are kind of new in germany and you don't have to pay them everywhere. as i participate in a dual study system which means i work 3 month and study 3, and switch, the company normally covers the study fees. well that's what i was told and believed but unfortunately for me mine won't. so now i have to find a way how i can get rid of the fees or find a treasure that will enable me to pay the money.
i am angry. at whom? i don't know. i know this is where god wants me to be but i don't feel him here. seelan said there is no plan B, i'm living plan A. and i believe that, i believe i am doing just this living gods plan. but why then has it be so hard. every new start is hard ok life i get this but why so much at once. is it not enough that i have to handle the hard work?
NO it's not and i know that god is teaching me i know this but when the mind is silent the heart speaks and the heart says "THIS SUCKS"
hmm just some thoughts on my daily life here.
sebi
that's how i feel right now.
it is 11 past 7am and i should be at work right now. i had called up one of my colleagues and asked if he could pick me up because i still don't have a drivers license or a car (won't have both for a while) he said yes but seemed grumpy. then i stand there waiting for him and waiting and waiting. after almost 20min i decide to call my boss and tell him that i'm still waiting. he just said that this colleague was already at the company and that he just and simply said i was not there. this makes me angry. why? because i was ready and i waited and because it shows this guy does not really like me. he could have called my cell asking me where i was or something but just leave me there is rude.
i am a open person and usually i have no problems with people but here...oh this is such a different world. i miss the south or the west were people have the guts to tell you that they don't like you. here its all secretive and hidden behind a mask. a mask of lies. arg. yes i am frustrated.
another thing that sucks is that i have to pay study fees. for all non german people: study fees are kind of new in germany and you don't have to pay them everywhere. as i participate in a dual study system which means i work 3 month and study 3, and switch, the company normally covers the study fees. well that's what i was told and believed but unfortunately for me mine won't. so now i have to find a way how i can get rid of the fees or find a treasure that will enable me to pay the money.
i am angry. at whom? i don't know. i know this is where god wants me to be but i don't feel him here. seelan said there is no plan B, i'm living plan A. and i believe that, i believe i am doing just this living gods plan. but why then has it be so hard. every new start is hard ok life i get this but why so much at once. is it not enough that i have to handle the hard work?
NO it's not and i know that god is teaching me i know this but when the mind is silent the heart speaks and the heart says "THIS SUCKS"
hmm just some thoughts on my daily life here.
sebi
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
so what's new?
i have to admit it has been a while since i wrote the last post and not a whole lot has changed but i guess it's time to share some of the insides god has taught me here.
i just came out of some rougher days.
i have struggled with being here and not having my close friends around me.
last weekend i went home to see family and friends again.
because i had to leave in a rush to get to hankensbüttel i was not able to say good bye to any of my friends. it had to happen over the phone and even if i was not willing to admit it, it made me really sad. so last weekend i enjoyed the time i had with friends and with my family. i arrived on friday evening and went straight to one of my best friends party. it was great and i was glad that even between all the fun and well lets say a careful "drinking", i ended up having a good and deep discussion with some of my friends about our faith. i have to admit that it has been challenging in many ways to talk about my faith and the faith of my friends. we do not always agree and i have been more the radical one so far. but i love that we had the chance to talk about god and lift our minds towards the one who died for our sins on the cross.
the saturday i spent most of my time with my parents. i was surprised how positive it was. don't get me wrong, i love my parents and they have been one of the biggest blessings in my life. mum and dad if you read this right now, i love you ;)
but coming back from the ship and later from syria i had struggled a bit with family life, so i was a bit scared about the weekend as i was not sure what to expect. but man i tell you, it was amazing. i loved every single conversation i had with my mum and with my dad. here in hankensbüttel i have no christians around me, which makes it hard from time to time, so i was very happy when i was able to share some of my thoughts that relate to my faith with my parents.
as i needed some new things for my job and for me personal we went shopping.
i have to say that this was the first time in my life going shopping with my parents. it was a funny afternoon and i am so thankful for the time i got to spent with them.
sunday was a good day as well. i went to my church and was very happy about the message. i haven't heard a good message in weeks, so i was very glad that this time it was something that challenged me and made me wane be a better person.
my parents drove me back to hankensbüttel, so i was able to take some more things with me. now i have at least 8 of my close friends with me: Canon A1, Canon AE1-Program, Diana F+, LOMO, Action Sampler, Canon EOS5, Canon 1000F and a more or less boring digital camera ;)
why do i share all of the weekend with you?
well i want you to know that i enjoyed my time back home and i would like you to know that i had not expected that such a short weekend could go so well.
sometimes i believe we just have to hang our expectations on a nail and jump into the whole that lies upfront.
---
but now a bit about my last week.
as i had such a great weekend back home i felt sad to leave again.
as i arrived in hankensbüttel i had to realize that that was it.
i now live here and i won't get home so soon again. i mean in some ways i am stuck here and i have nobody around that knows me for who i really am or that shares the same desires than i have. believe me normally i would be fine, i would suck it up like a butter cup like one of my friends jen from the ship always liked to say. but i am not in a normal situation in the moment and i started to react on it in a intense way. monday was a hard day because i just felt like i needed somebody to talk but there was none. later the day i called one of my best friends and we had a good talk but in some ways i was not able to fully express myself. i felt like i am not able to put into words what laid so heavy on my heart.
only a day later at work i realized what it was: i miss my friends, more than i want to admit. i am a person that needs constant reminder that i am loved and appreciated.
at that point i lived here for 3 weeks and i haven't heard from my friends in a long time. all i needed was a phone call, a letter or something from my friends. i felt alone and just empty. i lifted these feelings up to god and asked him to fill me. just a day later i received two letters, and again a day later i got two more.
i felt ashamed for feeling like my friends had forgotten me. i knew it was not true but thats how i felt. now i praise god for the friendships that i do not deserve.
as most of the week was more or less a bad week, i was very happy that with thursday came a U turn. we had a barbecue after work and a good time of fellowship. i love the company that i work in. all of them are very unique personalities and very nice in many ways. the work is fun, hard but fun.
i am looking forward to the next month's where i will learn much more about my future job. in the moment we are building a house for the southern part of germany. we put the walls together and cut the wood for the roof. everything then will be driven down to a town close to stuttgart and we will build it up there. if everything goes well we will be driving down the end of this month.
---
ok so things with family are great, work is amazing and my friends love me. so is there anything more that i could add? yes there is.
i shared with some of my friends that i was looking for a church and that the one i went to the last time was not really what i was looking for. and again god has shown me his love in just an incredible way. a good friend in mosbach did some research and send me a link to a baptist church 25km away from here. i went on the webpage and looked up the information. i called them up and asked if they have anybody driving to the church from my area, they said no but assured me that they would ask around in the church if somebody would like to pick me up. i send the person who was on the phone my details and in my mind closed the case. just a few minutes later i got a reply from on of the guys from the church telling me he would pick me up this sunday at 9:30am. wow, just wow.
here i sit now, me a sinner in so many ways and all i get are blessings.
who am i to deserve all this? no really honestly everything in the last months had been handed to me. yes i had to put afford into some things but most of it just happened and now i sit here, knowing what i will be doing for the next three years, realizing i have friends that love me and feeling so loved by god. who am i to deserve all this?
friends i tell you god loves us no matter what. we might make bad decisions or take a wrong turn in live but instead of turning away from us god will bless us and with doing so he will show us his love and hopefully we will return to him again and again. we are like little children trying to steal the sweets that mummy placed in a secret place so that we would not ruin our teeth.
my mum used to place them in a very high cupboard over the fridge. as soon as mum was out we would try to climb up there to at least get some of the nice sweets. now from time to time she caught us doing so and of course she told us off. well you see god sometimes if he sees us stealing candy will hand us a new and better candy bar than the one we just stole. i have learned this lesson so many times in my life. what ever we try to achieve in our life's if it is money, fame,...., fill in the blank, will never be as good as what god has for us.
i tell you guys i could go on for hours right now telling you about gods love for us. if you are not a christian and you read this right now get the next bible you can find and read John 3, 16 and i hope that the one who is described there will touch your heart. know that who ever you are i am praying for you right now.
be blessed and be a blessing
sebi
i just came out of some rougher days.
i have struggled with being here and not having my close friends around me.
last weekend i went home to see family and friends again.
because i had to leave in a rush to get to hankensbüttel i was not able to say good bye to any of my friends. it had to happen over the phone and even if i was not willing to admit it, it made me really sad. so last weekend i enjoyed the time i had with friends and with my family. i arrived on friday evening and went straight to one of my best friends party. it was great and i was glad that even between all the fun and well lets say a careful "drinking", i ended up having a good and deep discussion with some of my friends about our faith. i have to admit that it has been challenging in many ways to talk about my faith and the faith of my friends. we do not always agree and i have been more the radical one so far. but i love that we had the chance to talk about god and lift our minds towards the one who died for our sins on the cross.
the saturday i spent most of my time with my parents. i was surprised how positive it was. don't get me wrong, i love my parents and they have been one of the biggest blessings in my life. mum and dad if you read this right now, i love you ;)
but coming back from the ship and later from syria i had struggled a bit with family life, so i was a bit scared about the weekend as i was not sure what to expect. but man i tell you, it was amazing. i loved every single conversation i had with my mum and with my dad. here in hankensbüttel i have no christians around me, which makes it hard from time to time, so i was very happy when i was able to share some of my thoughts that relate to my faith with my parents.
as i needed some new things for my job and for me personal we went shopping.
i have to say that this was the first time in my life going shopping with my parents. it was a funny afternoon and i am so thankful for the time i got to spent with them.
sunday was a good day as well. i went to my church and was very happy about the message. i haven't heard a good message in weeks, so i was very glad that this time it was something that challenged me and made me wane be a better person.
my parents drove me back to hankensbüttel, so i was able to take some more things with me. now i have at least 8 of my close friends with me: Canon A1, Canon AE1-Program, Diana F+, LOMO, Action Sampler, Canon EOS5, Canon 1000F and a more or less boring digital camera ;)
why do i share all of the weekend with you?
well i want you to know that i enjoyed my time back home and i would like you to know that i had not expected that such a short weekend could go so well.
sometimes i believe we just have to hang our expectations on a nail and jump into the whole that lies upfront.
---
but now a bit about my last week.
as i had such a great weekend back home i felt sad to leave again.
as i arrived in hankensbüttel i had to realize that that was it.
i now live here and i won't get home so soon again. i mean in some ways i am stuck here and i have nobody around that knows me for who i really am or that shares the same desires than i have. believe me normally i would be fine, i would suck it up like a butter cup like one of my friends jen from the ship always liked to say. but i am not in a normal situation in the moment and i started to react on it in a intense way. monday was a hard day because i just felt like i needed somebody to talk but there was none. later the day i called one of my best friends and we had a good talk but in some ways i was not able to fully express myself. i felt like i am not able to put into words what laid so heavy on my heart.
only a day later at work i realized what it was: i miss my friends, more than i want to admit. i am a person that needs constant reminder that i am loved and appreciated.
at that point i lived here for 3 weeks and i haven't heard from my friends in a long time. all i needed was a phone call, a letter or something from my friends. i felt alone and just empty. i lifted these feelings up to god and asked him to fill me. just a day later i received two letters, and again a day later i got two more.
i felt ashamed for feeling like my friends had forgotten me. i knew it was not true but thats how i felt. now i praise god for the friendships that i do not deserve.
as most of the week was more or less a bad week, i was very happy that with thursday came a U turn. we had a barbecue after work and a good time of fellowship. i love the company that i work in. all of them are very unique personalities and very nice in many ways. the work is fun, hard but fun.
i am looking forward to the next month's where i will learn much more about my future job. in the moment we are building a house for the southern part of germany. we put the walls together and cut the wood for the roof. everything then will be driven down to a town close to stuttgart and we will build it up there. if everything goes well we will be driving down the end of this month.
---
ok so things with family are great, work is amazing and my friends love me. so is there anything more that i could add? yes there is.
i shared with some of my friends that i was looking for a church and that the one i went to the last time was not really what i was looking for. and again god has shown me his love in just an incredible way. a good friend in mosbach did some research and send me a link to a baptist church 25km away from here. i went on the webpage and looked up the information. i called them up and asked if they have anybody driving to the church from my area, they said no but assured me that they would ask around in the church if somebody would like to pick me up. i send the person who was on the phone my details and in my mind closed the case. just a few minutes later i got a reply from on of the guys from the church telling me he would pick me up this sunday at 9:30am. wow, just wow.
here i sit now, me a sinner in so many ways and all i get are blessings.
who am i to deserve all this? no really honestly everything in the last months had been handed to me. yes i had to put afford into some things but most of it just happened and now i sit here, knowing what i will be doing for the next three years, realizing i have friends that love me and feeling so loved by god. who am i to deserve all this?
friends i tell you god loves us no matter what. we might make bad decisions or take a wrong turn in live but instead of turning away from us god will bless us and with doing so he will show us his love and hopefully we will return to him again and again. we are like little children trying to steal the sweets that mummy placed in a secret place so that we would not ruin our teeth.
my mum used to place them in a very high cupboard over the fridge. as soon as mum was out we would try to climb up there to at least get some of the nice sweets. now from time to time she caught us doing so and of course she told us off. well you see god sometimes if he sees us stealing candy will hand us a new and better candy bar than the one we just stole. i have learned this lesson so many times in my life. what ever we try to achieve in our life's if it is money, fame,...., fill in the blank, will never be as good as what god has for us.
i tell you guys i could go on for hours right now telling you about gods love for us. if you are not a christian and you read this right now get the next bible you can find and read John 3, 16 and i hope that the one who is described there will touch your heart. know that who ever you are i am praying for you right now.
be blessed and be a blessing
sebi
Saturday, August 14, 2010
it's party time
hey there,
it is now my first weekend here and my first opportunity to sleep in in a very long time. i went to bed slightly after 12pm and heck i am already awake.
it is 10am and i ask myself where my ability for sleeping in went.
i woke up an hour ago and since than tried to sleep but haven't managed to silence all the thoughts in my mind to a level that would allow me to sleep.
a few years back i was able to sleep until 3pm without waking up. my personal sleeping record are 20 hours of constant sleep.
but it seems like these times are over. a new area started and it keeps me awake.
well 9 hours of sleep is not to bad i guess ;)
yesterday, johan the oldest one of the winterbergs celebrated a party.
purpose? there was none, but here you don't need a purpose you just post it on FB or write a sign and put it up in school and you can be sure that at least 40 people show up. it was a bottle party so allyou have to do is to bring something to drink.
the first people arrived at 9pm and after i was asked twice if i would like to show up i went over to johans part of the house. it was nice to get to know some of his friends but also really strange in some ways as i was the oldest and all of this was not really me, if you understand.
the people who came brought at least one bottle of vodka and one normal drink.
it only took 35min and the complete house was full with people. johan introduced me to some of them and i was able to talk a bit about what i was going to do. not so sure if any of them will remember me or what i said but thats ok.
it was nice to get to know some of his friends and to see how people celebrate here.
in the end i started feeling well "unsafe" and after i got asked if i would like to smoke a doobie and happily rejected it i decided that i had enough and went into my room. well parties here seem not so much different to parties in the city, not at all just that you stay close to where the party was because you should not drive home and as many people come from far away the town suddenly has 30 people looking for a place to stay.
before i went i had a really good chat with carmen the mother of johan and my host.
we had a good chat about life and i am glad that we have the chance to get to know each other a bit better and that she is interested in who i am and what i have done over the last years, yeah for doulos stories ;)
well this is my first weekend here and the wether is crap.
it's raining and i have no motivation to go out to do something.
so i will spent my time inside reading and using the lovely invention of internet to catch up with friends via skype.
well have a great day and be blessed
sebi
it is now my first weekend here and my first opportunity to sleep in in a very long time. i went to bed slightly after 12pm and heck i am already awake.
it is 10am and i ask myself where my ability for sleeping in went.
i woke up an hour ago and since than tried to sleep but haven't managed to silence all the thoughts in my mind to a level that would allow me to sleep.
a few years back i was able to sleep until 3pm without waking up. my personal sleeping record are 20 hours of constant sleep.
but it seems like these times are over. a new area started and it keeps me awake.
well 9 hours of sleep is not to bad i guess ;)
yesterday, johan the oldest one of the winterbergs celebrated a party.
purpose? there was none, but here you don't need a purpose you just post it on FB or write a sign and put it up in school and you can be sure that at least 40 people show up. it was a bottle party so allyou have to do is to bring something to drink.
the first people arrived at 9pm and after i was asked twice if i would like to show up i went over to johans part of the house. it was nice to get to know some of his friends but also really strange in some ways as i was the oldest and all of this was not really me, if you understand.
the people who came brought at least one bottle of vodka and one normal drink.
it only took 35min and the complete house was full with people. johan introduced me to some of them and i was able to talk a bit about what i was going to do. not so sure if any of them will remember me or what i said but thats ok.
it was nice to get to know some of his friends and to see how people celebrate here.
in the end i started feeling well "unsafe" and after i got asked if i would like to smoke a doobie and happily rejected it i decided that i had enough and went into my room. well parties here seem not so much different to parties in the city, not at all just that you stay close to where the party was because you should not drive home and as many people come from far away the town suddenly has 30 people looking for a place to stay.
before i went i had a really good chat with carmen the mother of johan and my host.
we had a good chat about life and i am glad that we have the chance to get to know each other a bit better and that she is interested in who i am and what i have done over the last years, yeah for doulos stories ;)
well this is my first weekend here and the wether is crap.
it's raining and i have no motivation to go out to do something.
so i will spent my time inside reading and using the lovely invention of internet to catch up with friends via skype.
well have a great day and be blessed
sebi
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
where the hack am i? and god is amazing!
Hello friends and a warm welcome from the little town hankensbüttel.
in the last weeks my life again changed quiet a lot.
i moved out back home, i started an internship in a company where i will do a dual study program in woodwork starting in october and i have found joy in what i am doing.
this is day two in hankensbüttel and even after such a short time i can say i am glad i took the decision to move away from home and to start off completely new again.
i live with a nice family called winterberg. they have 3 children, two daughters and one son. i feel very welcomed and i love the house.
the house was build in 1600 and still after much work has the look of a old building.
i have my own room, not big but certainly bigger than my cabin on the ship.
the only thing that might annoy me at some point is the room color, its pink.
but for now i'm fine ;)
my first days of work have been good and i have already gained a lot of new knowledge and impressions. i will be working with the tilters for a while before i will move up to the office and start looking into the engineering part.
i am really excited and even if i am scared a bit i am looking forward to this new challenge.
i will be looking into all the different responsibilities of an wood engineer in the following weeks before the study program will start.
i decided to allow you a little look into the work i did today, so here are some pictures that show what i was working on:
this is me in my new working clothes (I LIKE)
this is the pavilion that we worked on today, we had to add some wood up on the top
and here the top, my first roof i got to clim on ;)
thank you for all your prayers and your support in any way.
believe me i need it.
these last weeks have been a huge blessing for me.
i decided to drive up to Teen STreet and from there to Simon and later down to Mosbach. in only one week i drove from the west part of germany to the nort part and down again to the south and later up again to the north. if your confused now, i'm sorry but even i struggled with keeping track.
i had a great time at Teen Street and it helped me to get my focus straight, which was very important. the time later with my friends in osnabrück and mosbach was just and simply amazing. we had the chance to reconnect a lot and to just have fun.
sadly it was the last time i get to see them for a long time.
here (hankensbüttel)so far i am more or less alone.
i try to be part of family life as much as possible but it will take some time until i will find people to open up with.
well that was is for now.
have a blessed day
sebi
in the last weeks my life again changed quiet a lot.
i moved out back home, i started an internship in a company where i will do a dual study program in woodwork starting in october and i have found joy in what i am doing.
this is day two in hankensbüttel and even after such a short time i can say i am glad i took the decision to move away from home and to start off completely new again.
i live with a nice family called winterberg. they have 3 children, two daughters and one son. i feel very welcomed and i love the house.
the house was build in 1600 and still after much work has the look of a old building.
i have my own room, not big but certainly bigger than my cabin on the ship.
the only thing that might annoy me at some point is the room color, its pink.
but for now i'm fine ;)
my first days of work have been good and i have already gained a lot of new knowledge and impressions. i will be working with the tilters for a while before i will move up to the office and start looking into the engineering part.
i am really excited and even if i am scared a bit i am looking forward to this new challenge.
i will be looking into all the different responsibilities of an wood engineer in the following weeks before the study program will start.
i decided to allow you a little look into the work i did today, so here are some pictures that show what i was working on:
this is me in my new working clothes (I LIKE)
this is the pavilion that we worked on today, we had to add some wood up on the top
and here the top, my first roof i got to clim on ;)
thank you for all your prayers and your support in any way.
believe me i need it.
these last weeks have been a huge blessing for me.
i decided to drive up to Teen STreet and from there to Simon and later down to Mosbach. in only one week i drove from the west part of germany to the nort part and down again to the south and later up again to the north. if your confused now, i'm sorry but even i struggled with keeping track.
i had a great time at Teen Street and it helped me to get my focus straight, which was very important. the time later with my friends in osnabrück and mosbach was just and simply amazing. we had the chance to reconnect a lot and to just have fun.
sadly it was the last time i get to see them for a long time.
here (hankensbüttel)so far i am more or less alone.
i try to be part of family life as much as possible but it will take some time until i will find people to open up with.
well that was is for now.
have a blessed day
sebi
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
and again my life has completely changed
hey there and hello to a new episode of my life.
it has been a while since i wrote in this blog and i do appologize for the fact that most of you have been wondering what has been going on in my life.
but here is the newest update of my life.
i just went to TeenStreet and i have to say it came unexpected and was a huge blessing. as a lot of my friends went i had a really hard time back home because i knew that a lot of ex doiloids would be meeting up and i would not be there.
i had excepted the fact that i would going and started to organize my next future step. but lazter some more about this.
so what is next?
the last time i wrote i shared that i had applied for a dual study program in woodwork but haven't heard back from the companies. and that i was waiting for a uni to tell me if i got accepted for architecture or not.
well two majore things happened since then.
i became mail from the uni and was told that i got accepted and one of the companies that i had applied for invited me for a job interview.
i went to the interview and got accepted.
so here i was suddenly facing a huge decision.
i had waited a long time to know what i would be doing next and i was growing tired of the fact that i had no clue at all.
and suddenly i had two amazing options and i needed to choose.
somehow i wished that god would close one door and i would only have one option but while waiting it became clear that i would be the one who would have to decide.
and thats what happened in the end.
on tuesday last week i got the call from the company i they informed me that they would like to have me for the dual study thing.
i at that point had made up my mind and just waited for the call to come in.
i know that this sounds confusing so here again:
for the next 3 years i will study engeneering and i will be moving away for it.
it is a dual study program which means i will have a theory part and a practical part. the theory is in mosbach and the pracital part is in weddersel a very little town in the northern part of germany. it is a plac with 4 streets.
i will have to move there next monday so my time at home is counted and i won't be able to say goodbye to my friends as almost all of them are at hoilliday break.
as you already can guess i am a bit freaked out and scared.
but how did i ended uo getting to TeenStreet?
well i worked until friday last week in an internship i took in a carpenter shop.
i was supposed to go to drivers shool on saturday to get my license.
i had planned to take a 7days course and it would have been way to exensive so i decited to wait until i am living in no where land and do it there for less money.
and as i had the weekend off, i decided to drive up to TeenStreet.
i now have some days left until i will have to move and it feel really crazy.
well this was a short update on what has been going on.
god has doen a lot in my life lately and i will share some of these thoughts here, but for now i will leave you guys off again.
sorry for the bad spelling at this point ;)
be blessed guys
sebi
it has been a while since i wrote in this blog and i do appologize for the fact that most of you have been wondering what has been going on in my life.
but here is the newest update of my life.
i just went to TeenStreet and i have to say it came unexpected and was a huge blessing. as a lot of my friends went i had a really hard time back home because i knew that a lot of ex doiloids would be meeting up and i would not be there.
i had excepted the fact that i would going and started to organize my next future step. but lazter some more about this.
so what is next?
the last time i wrote i shared that i had applied for a dual study program in woodwork but haven't heard back from the companies. and that i was waiting for a uni to tell me if i got accepted for architecture or not.
well two majore things happened since then.
i became mail from the uni and was told that i got accepted and one of the companies that i had applied for invited me for a job interview.
i went to the interview and got accepted.
so here i was suddenly facing a huge decision.
i had waited a long time to know what i would be doing next and i was growing tired of the fact that i had no clue at all.
and suddenly i had two amazing options and i needed to choose.
somehow i wished that god would close one door and i would only have one option but while waiting it became clear that i would be the one who would have to decide.
and thats what happened in the end.
on tuesday last week i got the call from the company i they informed me that they would like to have me for the dual study thing.
i at that point had made up my mind and just waited for the call to come in.
i know that this sounds confusing so here again:
for the next 3 years i will study engeneering and i will be moving away for it.
it is a dual study program which means i will have a theory part and a practical part. the theory is in mosbach and the pracital part is in weddersel a very little town in the northern part of germany. it is a plac with 4 streets.
i will have to move there next monday so my time at home is counted and i won't be able to say goodbye to my friends as almost all of them are at hoilliday break.
as you already can guess i am a bit freaked out and scared.
but how did i ended uo getting to TeenStreet?
well i worked until friday last week in an internship i took in a carpenter shop.
i was supposed to go to drivers shool on saturday to get my license.
i had planned to take a 7days course and it would have been way to exensive so i decited to wait until i am living in no where land and do it there for less money.
and as i had the weekend off, i decided to drive up to TeenStreet.
i now have some days left until i will have to move and it feel really crazy.
well this was a short update on what has been going on.
god has doen a lot in my life lately and i will share some of these thoughts here, but for now i will leave you guys off again.
sorry for the bad spelling at this point ;)
be blessed guys
sebi
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
How life can twist itself around and how hobbies can become an idol
Hey there I thought I might write a quick update on what is happening here in the moment.
Well it’s Wednesday and I am almost done working in the facility for crazy people.
I’m sad because I liked the work and I loved the people.
As its time to say good bye to a lot of people I get feedback all the time.
The feedback is surprisingly good and a lot of people would like me to stay. but as I need to go fulltime in my internship so I won’t be able to do so. I am told over and over again I should do something social as studies and yes it is in my thoughts. I am too late for something this year so I would have to wait an entire year and that scares me off. I pray about it and maybe god will speak to me in a clear way about this.
I will continue to pursue architecture and I will start the program as soon as I can but I will be open for change if god wants me to move to something else.
...pause...
If you know me you will know that I have discovered the hobby photography while I was on the ship.
it became a real pleasure since I am back to do even more in this direction.
I was able to get more equipment and to teach myself some more skills. Well as I am not doing any digital photography i have to spend a lot of money on the developing of my analog films and to scan them.
in the last days I was able to purchase not only a new scanner for myself but also special equipment so that from now on I will be able to develop film by myself.
This gives me the opportunity to spend less on developing the films as I only need the chemicals. On the long run I hope to save some money in doing everything myself but also to learn some useful skills.
it was last night that I realized a HUGE danger in my hobby.
I lied awake in bed last night and I was not able to sleep.
I knew it was not the heat or the stress I had about uni and work as all I could think of was the photography. Some will now say well what’s the problem isn’t this great?
True I found a hobby that is fun and that I can use to be creative BUT in the last days and well specially the last hours I realized that my mind, my money, my time, almost everything is going into this one thing. When I come home I play around with the cameras do research or go online to look for cheep film. I spend way too much on this one thing that keeps popping up in my mind.
It’s not that I feel bad about it but rather that a question appears in my mind “where is your focus right now?”. It’s not that I have no QT with god or that I don’t pray and read my bible but I realize that photography has taken a place in my mind and heart that I had kept free for god.
I know that it’s not wrong to have a hobby and I know that I can glorify god with what I am doing but if this is more important to me than God himself than I am doing something wrong.
As I had some extreme experiences in Syria with the fact that total strangers took all my personal stuff, I developed an attitude towards my personal belongings that now is and hopefully will always be part of my life. I said to myself I will never own something that I am not willing to give away anytime if it is pleasing to god. And with something I mean anything, beginning with my laptop all the way up to my bible. In the last months I have created a quiet impressive collection of old cameras.
If I now stand in my room and see them and then ask myself the question if I would be willing to just give them away or to have them taken away from me, I need a second to answer it.
I realize that this hobby of mine these cameras and other equipment is bringing me to my limits in this attitude.
Now I am facing the challenge to find a balance between having this as a hobby but not let it control my life. I see over and over again how important it is that we live a focused life and that even the smallest thing can make us turn away from the one we have chosen to live for.
A friend once said to me that the first thing we do when we are bored is our idol.
The bible is clear that idols are not good and that we need to focus on god all the time.
It’s like I have to gain control over the photography and not allow it to control me.
...pause end...
Well these are just some thoughts that came to mind earlier today.
I hope your all are doing well and that you are strong in your faith with god.
Be blessed and be a blessing
sebi
Well it’s Wednesday and I am almost done working in the facility for crazy people.
I’m sad because I liked the work and I loved the people.
As its time to say good bye to a lot of people I get feedback all the time.
The feedback is surprisingly good and a lot of people would like me to stay. but as I need to go fulltime in my internship so I won’t be able to do so. I am told over and over again I should do something social as studies and yes it is in my thoughts. I am too late for something this year so I would have to wait an entire year and that scares me off. I pray about it and maybe god will speak to me in a clear way about this.
I will continue to pursue architecture and I will start the program as soon as I can but I will be open for change if god wants me to move to something else.
...pause...
If you know me you will know that I have discovered the hobby photography while I was on the ship.
it became a real pleasure since I am back to do even more in this direction.
I was able to get more equipment and to teach myself some more skills. Well as I am not doing any digital photography i have to spend a lot of money on the developing of my analog films and to scan them.
in the last days I was able to purchase not only a new scanner for myself but also special equipment so that from now on I will be able to develop film by myself.
This gives me the opportunity to spend less on developing the films as I only need the chemicals. On the long run I hope to save some money in doing everything myself but also to learn some useful skills.
it was last night that I realized a HUGE danger in my hobby.
I lied awake in bed last night and I was not able to sleep.
I knew it was not the heat or the stress I had about uni and work as all I could think of was the photography. Some will now say well what’s the problem isn’t this great?
True I found a hobby that is fun and that I can use to be creative BUT in the last days and well specially the last hours I realized that my mind, my money, my time, almost everything is going into this one thing. When I come home I play around with the cameras do research or go online to look for cheep film. I spend way too much on this one thing that keeps popping up in my mind.
It’s not that I feel bad about it but rather that a question appears in my mind “where is your focus right now?”. It’s not that I have no QT with god or that I don’t pray and read my bible but I realize that photography has taken a place in my mind and heart that I had kept free for god.
I know that it’s not wrong to have a hobby and I know that I can glorify god with what I am doing but if this is more important to me than God himself than I am doing something wrong.
As I had some extreme experiences in Syria with the fact that total strangers took all my personal stuff, I developed an attitude towards my personal belongings that now is and hopefully will always be part of my life. I said to myself I will never own something that I am not willing to give away anytime if it is pleasing to god. And with something I mean anything, beginning with my laptop all the way up to my bible. In the last months I have created a quiet impressive collection of old cameras.
If I now stand in my room and see them and then ask myself the question if I would be willing to just give them away or to have them taken away from me, I need a second to answer it.
I realize that this hobby of mine these cameras and other equipment is bringing me to my limits in this attitude.
Now I am facing the challenge to find a balance between having this as a hobby but not let it control my life. I see over and over again how important it is that we live a focused life and that even the smallest thing can make us turn away from the one we have chosen to live for.
A friend once said to me that the first thing we do when we are bored is our idol.
The bible is clear that idols are not good and that we need to focus on god all the time.
It’s like I have to gain control over the photography and not allow it to control me.
...pause end...
Well these are just some thoughts that came to mind earlier today.
I hope your all are doing well and that you are strong in your faith with god.
Be blessed and be a blessing
sebi
Monday, July 12, 2010
my personal roaler coaster
I’m on a journey with god, a journey full of his blessings and his guidance.
My last weeks have been very stressful and not really what I had in mind but I now look back and see god’s hands in all of it.
I still don’t feel right being here it does not feel like I belong here and I ask myself where my real home is but I know that god wants me to be here in the moment and I dare not question him.
But what happened in my last days/weeks.
I came back from Syria and only two weeks later I started to work in a facility for crazy people that do have a drug addiction. It is a really interesting working place and I love to invest in the people that I am working with. At the same time I am doing an internship in a carpenter shop. My days are full and really long but I see the blessings in it rather than the stress.
I applied for a few uni programs as I came back from the ship and one of them was architecture. in june I went to the uni to take a test and well I passed which came as a surprise for me.
I had not prepared for it at all as I just came back from Syria and my mind was somewhere else. So I went just because I thought it might be fun and I would be able to tell my kids I once took a test in architecture but failed. Well this story will now look a bit different I guess.
I have to finish 4 weeks if internship before I start the program on the first of September and I have to finish another 4 weeks until the third semester but because I was told its better to finish all 8 weeks before the start of the program I decided to jump into 8 weeks internship at once. So from now on I will be doing two internships right up to the first of September. In the moment its going well but it is a challenge. As you can imagine it’s hard to work in the mornings in the facility and in the afternoons and evenings to work in the internship. Gladly my commitment with the facility is finishing this Friday. I was asked to extend but I can’t as from Monday onwards I will be doing the internship full time.
because of the internships i will not be able to participate in some already planned events that i thought of attending in july and august. one of them a youth trip down to greece with my youth church. i was supossed to go as a leader but i am now out. gladly i am able to still do some of the things but now only on weekends. so i will end up heading down to munich on the 20st of august to go skydiving with my big brother :)
I have no peace about the architecture program and I struggle seeing myself doing it but it’s the best shot I have in the moment and I somehow feel like god I calling me for a challenge that I would have never picked myself. So I will be patient and wait and maybe god will open a door along the way.
one of my best friends gave me this quote “Sometimes the Lord leads you down a street to get you to another street to get you to a side street you wouldn't find any other way." (Mark Batterson).
I know that god has a plan for my life and I trust him.
if he wants me to do architecture I do architecture if he wants me to do something else I do something else and If he wants me to have no clue at all what I will be doing in a few weeks time if the door closes for architecture I will have no clue. It’s a peace I have a peace that comes from god if I think about the fact that he knows. I mean think about it yourself he has a plan he knows everything and I mean everything. all we need to do is to let go and to trust him.
Sidebar- we hit the 40 degrees in the last days and just as I write this a huge thunderstorm starts to build up you can already smell the rain. Its dark outside as the sun is hidden by the monstrous rain clouds. A nice flash goes off not too far away and what follows is the amazing sound of a the roaring thunder. I love thunderstorms and I am glad that with the rain comes the cool air. Good day :)
My re entry became harder as I thought. While I was in germany after coming back from the ship I had a really good time And I was surprised that I did not struggle at all being back home. Bus now coming back from Syria it really hit me. I am sure that one part of it was the excitement I had to leave again for Syria that made me not miss the ship. But now because I know that I will be here for a while I start to miss what has been my home for the last 1 and a half years and believe me this time has been the most exhausting most challenging and most blessed time of my life so far.
Life goes on doesn’t it?!
it a choice we have. do we let ourselves fall into this hole that is there after coming back from the ship or do we fight and allow god to fill this hole with himself? It is a fight and not an easy one but it’s is a fight that is already wone, wone by the one who was our motivation to go in the first place. Jesus knows our pain and he knows our desires and he has a plan, in which he will use us and our experiences to share the gospel in a way that will give him the most glory.
but its your choice do you allow yourself to move on and to use what you learned or will you be stuck in the past and not able to move on?
I miss you guys and I hope that you are doing well.
I hope I will see some of you soon again.
maybe at somebody’s wedding or some other kind of doulos reunion ;)
Be blessed and be a blessing
sebi
My last weeks have been very stressful and not really what I had in mind but I now look back and see god’s hands in all of it.
I still don’t feel right being here it does not feel like I belong here and I ask myself where my real home is but I know that god wants me to be here in the moment and I dare not question him.
But what happened in my last days/weeks.
I came back from Syria and only two weeks later I started to work in a facility for crazy people that do have a drug addiction. It is a really interesting working place and I love to invest in the people that I am working with. At the same time I am doing an internship in a carpenter shop. My days are full and really long but I see the blessings in it rather than the stress.
I applied for a few uni programs as I came back from the ship and one of them was architecture. in june I went to the uni to take a test and well I passed which came as a surprise for me.
I had not prepared for it at all as I just came back from Syria and my mind was somewhere else. So I went just because I thought it might be fun and I would be able to tell my kids I once took a test in architecture but failed. Well this story will now look a bit different I guess.
I have to finish 4 weeks if internship before I start the program on the first of September and I have to finish another 4 weeks until the third semester but because I was told its better to finish all 8 weeks before the start of the program I decided to jump into 8 weeks internship at once. So from now on I will be doing two internships right up to the first of September. In the moment its going well but it is a challenge. As you can imagine it’s hard to work in the mornings in the facility and in the afternoons and evenings to work in the internship. Gladly my commitment with the facility is finishing this Friday. I was asked to extend but I can’t as from Monday onwards I will be doing the internship full time.
because of the internships i will not be able to participate in some already planned events that i thought of attending in july and august. one of them a youth trip down to greece with my youth church. i was supossed to go as a leader but i am now out. gladly i am able to still do some of the things but now only on weekends. so i will end up heading down to munich on the 20st of august to go skydiving with my big brother :)
I have no peace about the architecture program and I struggle seeing myself doing it but it’s the best shot I have in the moment and I somehow feel like god I calling me for a challenge that I would have never picked myself. So I will be patient and wait and maybe god will open a door along the way.
one of my best friends gave me this quote “Sometimes the Lord leads you down a street to get you to another street to get you to a side street you wouldn't find any other way." (Mark Batterson).
I know that god has a plan for my life and I trust him.
if he wants me to do architecture I do architecture if he wants me to do something else I do something else and If he wants me to have no clue at all what I will be doing in a few weeks time if the door closes for architecture I will have no clue. It’s a peace I have a peace that comes from god if I think about the fact that he knows. I mean think about it yourself he has a plan he knows everything and I mean everything. all we need to do is to let go and to trust him.
Sidebar- we hit the 40 degrees in the last days and just as I write this a huge thunderstorm starts to build up you can already smell the rain. Its dark outside as the sun is hidden by the monstrous rain clouds. A nice flash goes off not too far away and what follows is the amazing sound of a the roaring thunder. I love thunderstorms and I am glad that with the rain comes the cool air. Good day :)
My re entry became harder as I thought. While I was in germany after coming back from the ship I had a really good time And I was surprised that I did not struggle at all being back home. Bus now coming back from Syria it really hit me. I am sure that one part of it was the excitement I had to leave again for Syria that made me not miss the ship. But now because I know that I will be here for a while I start to miss what has been my home for the last 1 and a half years and believe me this time has been the most exhausting most challenging and most blessed time of my life so far.
Life goes on doesn’t it?!
it a choice we have. do we let ourselves fall into this hole that is there after coming back from the ship or do we fight and allow god to fill this hole with himself? It is a fight and not an easy one but it’s is a fight that is already wone, wone by the one who was our motivation to go in the first place. Jesus knows our pain and he knows our desires and he has a plan, in which he will use us and our experiences to share the gospel in a way that will give him the most glory.
but its your choice do you allow yourself to move on and to use what you learned or will you be stuck in the past and not able to move on?
I miss you guys and I hope that you are doing well.
I hope I will see some of you soon again.
maybe at somebody’s wedding or some other kind of doulos reunion ;)
Be blessed and be a blessing
sebi
Friday, June 25, 2010
some pictures from syria
well i thought it would be nice to show a little bit of what i could see in syria.
so enjoy :)
i will write soon how i am doing and what has been happening in my last weeks.
for now: i am alive and still looking for some future options.
thanks for all you prayers and the replies i got.
miss you all
sebi
so enjoy :)
i will write soon how i am doing and what has been happening in my last weeks.
for now: i am alive and still looking for some future options.
thanks for all you prayers and the replies i got.
miss you all
sebi
Sunday, June 13, 2010
a peaceful moment
it is sunday and i decided to visit my parents church.
i have never been there, but they knew me as they had prayed for me a few times.
it was a good sunday service.
the message was based on the question "is it rewarding?"
is being a christian rewarding?
i enjoyed the service and the message.
the answer "of course it is rewarding".
it was interesting to see how i responded to the message.
in the last months i have not asked this question. it never crossed my mind to ask this question. for me living a life that glorifies God is reward enough.
being in a dangerous situation where i can share my believe in an extreme way is for me a blessing, a reward. and of course we should not seek earthly rewards, we should seek eternal life and that means sacrifice.
we are all on a way, on a journey with God and i have learned that this journey will not always meet your understanding of life but it meets Gods understanding and that is so much bigger than we are.
we don't need to be rewarded for our faith, we should trust God and seek eternal life which is the highest reward we gain. and that only out of grace, Gods grace.
First sacrifice and second receive by grace.
well these are some thoughts that came up in my mind after this sunday service.
but there is one more thing i wane share.
while i was sitting in the back of the church i had a peaceful moment.
i had walked with my dad to the church, which was amazing.
just think about it, walking to church through your neighborhood your bible in your hand, where everybody who sees you can see your on your way to church.
doesn't this has something exciting. well while i was sitting in church it hit me.
there i was sitting in a church in a christian country, free to show my faith, free to share my believes, free to love God in public. We are blessed brothers and sister to live a life in a way not many can live it.
be aware of the fact that this is not normal, this is grace.
in love
sebi
i have never been there, but they knew me as they had prayed for me a few times.
it was a good sunday service.
the message was based on the question "is it rewarding?"
is being a christian rewarding?
i enjoyed the service and the message.
the answer "of course it is rewarding".
it was interesting to see how i responded to the message.
in the last months i have not asked this question. it never crossed my mind to ask this question. for me living a life that glorifies God is reward enough.
being in a dangerous situation where i can share my believe in an extreme way is for me a blessing, a reward. and of course we should not seek earthly rewards, we should seek eternal life and that means sacrifice.
we are all on a way, on a journey with God and i have learned that this journey will not always meet your understanding of life but it meets Gods understanding and that is so much bigger than we are.
we don't need to be rewarded for our faith, we should trust God and seek eternal life which is the highest reward we gain. and that only out of grace, Gods grace.
First sacrifice and second receive by grace.
well these are some thoughts that came up in my mind after this sunday service.
but there is one more thing i wane share.
while i was sitting in the back of the church i had a peaceful moment.
i had walked with my dad to the church, which was amazing.
just think about it, walking to church through your neighborhood your bible in your hand, where everybody who sees you can see your on your way to church.
doesn't this has something exciting. well while i was sitting in church it hit me.
there i was sitting in a church in a christian country, free to show my faith, free to share my believes, free to love God in public. We are blessed brothers and sister to live a life in a way not many can live it.
be aware of the fact that this is not normal, this is grace.
in love
sebi
Thursday, June 10, 2010
now finally the SYRIA STORY in english
Hey there,
i finished writing down what happened in my time in syria.
i would love to give you a copy of the story, but i decided not to publish it here on the blog. so i would need your email address. if you are interested please give me your address and i will send you the story.
thank you for being patient;)
blessings
sebi
i finished writing down what happened in my time in syria.
i would love to give you a copy of the story, but i decided not to publish it here on the blog. so i would need your email address. if you are interested please give me your address and i will send you the story.
thank you for being patient;)
blessings
sebi
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
sleep where are you?
hey there.
i had promised a story, but i have to be honest and say that in the moment i struggle a lot putting into words what is in my mind.
i am now back in germany for more than a week and in the moment it seems like i am on my way to rock bottom.
i find no rest and sleep seems to hide somewhere, where i am not able to find it.
this is rather a request for prayer than a nice and shiny update.
i wish i could write something encouraging and amazing, but right now i feel somehow empty and lost.
i know god is there no question!
but i wish he would talk more in the moment.
or is it me that is not able to listen right now?!
sebi
i had promised a story, but i have to be honest and say that in the moment i struggle a lot putting into words what is in my mind.
i am now back in germany for more than a week and in the moment it seems like i am on my way to rock bottom.
i find no rest and sleep seems to hide somewhere, where i am not able to find it.
this is rather a request for prayer than a nice and shiny update.
i wish i could write something encouraging and amazing, but right now i feel somehow empty and lost.
i know god is there no question!
but i wish he would talk more in the moment.
or is it me that is not able to listen right now?!
sebi
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
soon
hey there
i made it home safe but i have a story to tell.
so soon here on my blog the SYRIA story feat the secret police and a long night in a cell, so please come back and read what happened
blessings
sebi
i made it home safe but i have a story to tell.
so soon here on my blog the SYRIA story feat the secret police and a long night in a cell, so please come back and read what happened
blessings
sebi
Monday, April 26, 2010
it's here
ha i made it, well more IT made it
but before i share about the moment when i received a very important letter a few thoughts on what had happened a few days ago.
i was away for a planing weekend with my youth church as i am part of a youth trip in the summer time (we will head down to greece for two weeks). i am one of the leaders and on the weekend we planned the trip and divided the tasks among each other.
well but this is not about the trip, this is about a special moment i had with god.
i was out alone walking around and talking with god (some people call it praying).
as i was praying i asked god to talk to me and well he did.
i realized that day that if god wants me to go to syria i will get my visa a letter from god including my passport and the visa and if he does not want me to go, i won't.
i came back from that weekend very happy and relaxed and i honestly can say that i said to god "it does not matter if i go or not". well this afternoon my dad comes home and hands me a envelope, THE envelope. i sat down and prayed and asked god to help me to accept what ever is inside (well i knew it would be my passport but the question was if with a visa or without). i opened the letter and found my passport including my visa. hallelujah praise the lord.
now i can truly say i will be going to syria.
the amazing things is that i had called the embassy and asked how much time it would take and they told me two to three weeks (at that point i had 9 days left).
i told them it would be urgent and they only said send it as fast as possible.
i did and i put a note in the letter telling them the urgency.
i sent it via express on wednesday afternoon, which means it got there on thursday morning. well the letter was sent from the embassy on friday morning, which means they did all the paper work on thursday and sent it out again on friday morning. that makes less than one entire day for the paperwork at the embassy. i could not believe it.
but its true god has made a way and i am so thrilled that i will be going on friday.
ha that does sound unreal as it is so soon.
thanks for all your prayers and support, means a lot.
blessings sebi
but before i share about the moment when i received a very important letter a few thoughts on what had happened a few days ago.
i was away for a planing weekend with my youth church as i am part of a youth trip in the summer time (we will head down to greece for two weeks). i am one of the leaders and on the weekend we planned the trip and divided the tasks among each other.
well but this is not about the trip, this is about a special moment i had with god.
i was out alone walking around and talking with god (some people call it praying).
as i was praying i asked god to talk to me and well he did.
i realized that day that if god wants me to go to syria i will get my visa a letter from god including my passport and the visa and if he does not want me to go, i won't.
i came back from that weekend very happy and relaxed and i honestly can say that i said to god "it does not matter if i go or not". well this afternoon my dad comes home and hands me a envelope, THE envelope. i sat down and prayed and asked god to help me to accept what ever is inside (well i knew it would be my passport but the question was if with a visa or without). i opened the letter and found my passport including my visa. hallelujah praise the lord.
now i can truly say i will be going to syria.
the amazing things is that i had called the embassy and asked how much time it would take and they told me two to three weeks (at that point i had 9 days left).
i told them it would be urgent and they only said send it as fast as possible.
i did and i put a note in the letter telling them the urgency.
i sent it via express on wednesday afternoon, which means it got there on thursday morning. well the letter was sent from the embassy on friday morning, which means they did all the paper work on thursday and sent it out again on friday morning. that makes less than one entire day for the paperwork at the embassy. i could not believe it.
but its true god has made a way and i am so thrilled that i will be going on friday.
ha that does sound unreal as it is so soon.
thanks for all your prayers and support, means a lot.
blessings sebi
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
visa
hmm seems like i will have problems getting a visa.
please pray that everything will work out.
sebi
please pray that everything will work out.
sebi
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
god is good
well i thought it is time to let you guys know what is happening in the future.
i tried to be as open as i can about what is next but this time i needed to wait before i was putting it on here.
but now it is the right time.
i will be going to syria for one month.
today was the day i booked the flights.
i will leave on the 30th this month and come back on the 29th next month.
it is a great opportunity for me to see the country to get to know the people and the culture and well to find out if this country really is the right place for me.
i know that a lot of you have prayed for it and i want to say thank you for your support in this.
without you i would have not done anything, so thanks for being there to be talked to,to listen and well to give advice. means a lot.
i will fly down to damascus and form their take a train up to aleppo, which by itself is an amazing trip. i will stay with a team in aleppo and come down the same way.
as this will be a trip into a area of the world where i will not be able to be as open as i have been so far i will have to take this blog out of the net right before i leave. so i will not be able to keep you guys up to date on what is happening, but i will let you guys know what happened as soon as i come back.
well that would be it for now. if you have any questions please just post them and i try to answer as much as i can.
please keep me in your prayers
thank you for your support
sebi
i tried to be as open as i can about what is next but this time i needed to wait before i was putting it on here.
but now it is the right time.
i will be going to syria for one month.
today was the day i booked the flights.
i will leave on the 30th this month and come back on the 29th next month.
it is a great opportunity for me to see the country to get to know the people and the culture and well to find out if this country really is the right place for me.
i know that a lot of you have prayed for it and i want to say thank you for your support in this.
without you i would have not done anything, so thanks for being there to be talked to,to listen and well to give advice. means a lot.
i will fly down to damascus and form their take a train up to aleppo, which by itself is an amazing trip. i will stay with a team in aleppo and come down the same way.
as this will be a trip into a area of the world where i will not be able to be as open as i have been so far i will have to take this blog out of the net right before i leave. so i will not be able to keep you guys up to date on what is happening, but i will let you guys know what happened as soon as i come back.
well that would be it for now. if you have any questions please just post them and i try to answer as much as i can.
please keep me in your prayers
thank you for your support
sebi
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
boredom or learning skills for the uni?
well not many people know that but my mum is kind of an artist.
out entire flat is full with pictures she made over all the years.
she is painting in all kinds of stiles watercolor, oil, pencil, man no clue what you call the other stuff.
but anyways i asked her if she could teach me some.
well and before i could have said "superkalifragilistikexpialigetisch" i found myself equipped with a pencil and a peace of drawing paper.
and here the result, not bad ha?!
in real it does look a lot better...of course ;)
kind of my first real try.
i let you guys judge me :)
blessings
sebi
out entire flat is full with pictures she made over all the years.
she is painting in all kinds of stiles watercolor, oil, pencil, man no clue what you call the other stuff.
but anyways i asked her if she could teach me some.
well and before i could have said "superkalifragilistikexpialigetisch" i found myself equipped with a pencil and a peace of drawing paper.
and here the result, not bad ha?!
in real it does look a lot better...of course ;)
kind of my first real try.
i let you guys judge me :)
blessings
sebi
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
god is amazing
just one more thing for now.
i am sitting in the kitchen (it is 10 to 2am) and i was thinking about my future jamming on the guitar and just blabbing things out, asking god to speak to me.
well as my eyes went through the room i saw a little book.
it is a little book for a daily devotion.
well i opened it for today and started reading and it had the bible verse mark 16 verse 15.
" he said to them "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.""
god is amazing, as i had struggles to find peace about a few things, but this sign gives me the peace i need and help's me to trust that i can do all things with jesus and that he has a plan and purpose for my life. all i need to do is being patient.
thanks lord
sebi
i am sitting in the kitchen (it is 10 to 2am) and i was thinking about my future jamming on the guitar and just blabbing things out, asking god to speak to me.
well as my eyes went through the room i saw a little book.
it is a little book for a daily devotion.
well i opened it for today and started reading and it had the bible verse mark 16 verse 15.
" he said to them "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.""
god is amazing, as i had struggles to find peace about a few things, but this sign gives me the peace i need and help's me to trust that i can do all things with jesus and that he has a plan and purpose for my life. all i need to do is being patient.
thanks lord
sebi
good days
i just came back from a friends birthday.
it was a small group just close friends, it was amazing to be there and a huge honor for me to be invited. i was surprised how easy it was for me to re connect with these friends. it only took a few minutes and i felt kind of home with them.
i realize again and again how important good friends are in our lives and how god is using them. it has been a blessed day and all i can say is thank you GOD, thank you so much for blessing me this way.
i am excited about the future as a opportunity came up for me to do something one more time before i have to study, but more to that when it is official.
be blessed friends.
sebi
it was a small group just close friends, it was amazing to be there and a huge honor for me to be invited. i was surprised how easy it was for me to re connect with these friends. it only took a few minutes and i felt kind of home with them.
i realize again and again how important good friends are in our lives and how god is using them. it has been a blessed day and all i can say is thank you GOD, thank you so much for blessing me this way.
i am excited about the future as a opportunity came up for me to do something one more time before i have to study, but more to that when it is official.
be blessed friends.
sebi
Monday, April 12, 2010
I made it
I am back home and the first 2 days are over.
I arrived on Sunday night at 3am in the morning it was a horrible train ride as it was busy and to many drunk people entered the train in cologne (told you peeps cologne isn’t that nice). I could hardly sleep and was happy to get off the train as soon as it came to a stop.
it hit me in the face as I got off the train. Mosbach was warm even in the night I was able to survive with only a light jumper but in essen BOOM it was freezing. I had no clue that it would be that cold. Well I could have done nothing to prepare myself as all my jackets and big clothing is packed in boxes and on the way to essen. My parents picked me up and as they tried to light the New Year’s candles I walked towards them. We did not talk a lot on the way back, the only sound you could here was the garnishing of my teeth.
The first day went by fast and was all in all a good day. Woke up in my brothers room and was surprised that he was there as well. When I fall asleep at 3:30am he wasn’t in the room so I was a little confused when I woke up and realized that there is a second person in “my” room. I first thought it might be kyle or ben until I realized “no more ship”.
I went to church and it was really nice. It was a smaller service and as we still have holidays not to many people were there. I enjoyed the service and found myself laughing about message and songs, as they fit into my mood and situation I am in. my friends greeted me well and I was happy to see them again.
Today has been my first day alone back home, well half alone. Mum and dad went to work in the morning and little brother and sister went to school. Well so I was most of the time alone in the flat and found myself looking through my old journals that I had left back home as I came to visit after 12 months. Horrible I tell you, man what stupid stuff I wrote at the beginning and how my focus was. Man it hurts reading that stuff and after just a few minutes I found myself on the floor asking god for forgiveness, as his name never appeared in these entries.
in the afternoon I went through the flat and found the DVD’s of Long way Down I am not sure if you know what that’s about. It is about the actor’s ewan mcgregor and charley boorman who are driving with bikes all the way from Scotland to Cape Town. I started watching it and well it made me homesick ;)
as the family started to come back we started talking and when beni came back I asked him to show me his drum he got. Well and before I even knew I was jamming with him in the kitchen. We had a good time and well our parents loved seeing their kids playing music together.
This day comes to an end and I have to say I am happy for how it went.
I will be meeting with my pastor tomorrow to speak about some future options, please pray for that.
I am fine in the moment, because I try not to think about certain things, but I am sure that from time to time it will hit me. well my dear friends thank you for reading and for praying.
be blessed
sebi
I arrived on Sunday night at 3am in the morning it was a horrible train ride as it was busy and to many drunk people entered the train in cologne (told you peeps cologne isn’t that nice). I could hardly sleep and was happy to get off the train as soon as it came to a stop.
it hit me in the face as I got off the train. Mosbach was warm even in the night I was able to survive with only a light jumper but in essen BOOM it was freezing. I had no clue that it would be that cold. Well I could have done nothing to prepare myself as all my jackets and big clothing is packed in boxes and on the way to essen. My parents picked me up and as they tried to light the New Year’s candles I walked towards them. We did not talk a lot on the way back, the only sound you could here was the garnishing of my teeth.
The first day went by fast and was all in all a good day. Woke up in my brothers room and was surprised that he was there as well. When I fall asleep at 3:30am he wasn’t in the room so I was a little confused when I woke up and realized that there is a second person in “my” room. I first thought it might be kyle or ben until I realized “no more ship”.
I went to church and it was really nice. It was a smaller service and as we still have holidays not to many people were there. I enjoyed the service and found myself laughing about message and songs, as they fit into my mood and situation I am in. my friends greeted me well and I was happy to see them again.
Today has been my first day alone back home, well half alone. Mum and dad went to work in the morning and little brother and sister went to school. Well so I was most of the time alone in the flat and found myself looking through my old journals that I had left back home as I came to visit after 12 months. Horrible I tell you, man what stupid stuff I wrote at the beginning and how my focus was. Man it hurts reading that stuff and after just a few minutes I found myself on the floor asking god for forgiveness, as his name never appeared in these entries.
in the afternoon I went through the flat and found the DVD’s of Long way Down I am not sure if you know what that’s about. It is about the actor’s ewan mcgregor and charley boorman who are driving with bikes all the way from Scotland to Cape Town. I started watching it and well it made me homesick ;)
as the family started to come back we started talking and when beni came back I asked him to show me his drum he got. Well and before I even knew I was jamming with him in the kitchen. We had a good time and well our parents loved seeing their kids playing music together.
This day comes to an end and I have to say I am happy for how it went.
I will be meeting with my pastor tomorrow to speak about some future options, please pray for that.
I am fine in the moment, because I try not to think about certain things, but I am sure that from time to time it will hit me. well my dear friends thank you for reading and for praying.
be blessed
sebi
Friday, April 9, 2010
home
the day has come
today i will leave mosbach and make my way to essen.
i will be leaving at night and arrive in essen at around 3am.
the time here has been a huge blessing with ups and downs, but it have learned a lot and i am ready to move on. it is sad to leave friends behind and to not be able to see them, but gladly the most of them are in germany so i can stop bye ;)
we had a really good time in the last few days with a lot of X-Douloids around 30 people. i got to talk to some of the people i never thought i will see again. it has been a huge blessing. some of them already left last night and i well missed them, but you never know how long it will take and you open the door and a familiar face will trow a smile at you :)
i will go home and i have to sit down and think about future plans.
well at this point if you do have any idea please post it, so that i got some ideas ;)
this will be it for know the next post will come from essen with pictures of my family
god bless
sebi
today i will leave mosbach and make my way to essen.
i will be leaving at night and arrive in essen at around 3am.
the time here has been a huge blessing with ups and downs, but it have learned a lot and i am ready to move on. it is sad to leave friends behind and to not be able to see them, but gladly the most of them are in germany so i can stop bye ;)
we had a really good time in the last few days with a lot of X-Douloids around 30 people. i got to talk to some of the people i never thought i will see again. it has been a huge blessing. some of them already left last night and i well missed them, but you never know how long it will take and you open the door and a familiar face will trow a smile at you :)
i will go home and i have to sit down and think about future plans.
well at this point if you do have any idea please post it, so that i got some ideas ;)
this will be it for know the next post will come from essen with pictures of my family
god bless
sebi
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
pictures
on the way to vienna...
...an amazing sunset colored the mountains in a nice pink
one of the amazing buildings in vienna 
the three of us jenny, jana, me and katrina
vienna what an amazing city
It's been a while
hello friends
it has been a few days since i gave a sign of life.
well i am doing fine.
i have had an amazing weekend in autria with jenny katrina and jana.
we went there for the long easter weekend and had an amazing time.
pictures are coming later sometime.
i had the chance to shut down a bit and to just enjoy the time with friends and jennys familie. vienna is an amazing city and yes seing all these old buildings after being in singapore for such a long time has been strange.
we went into the city two days in a row and also visited the vienna ballet (zauberflöte). it has been the first time in my life that i went to the ballet and i have to admit that i loved it. amazing stuff ;)
we are back in mosbach since monday evening.
in the moment there is a training for some officers and engineers going on in the mill. so i do have the privilagde to see a lot of the officers and engeneers again that i met on the ship. great people who have been a huge influence in my life. people like: chris huges, david williams, jarkko alastalo, drew given, pat tracy and so many others. they will stay until saturday, which by the way also will be the day that i will make my way back home to essen.
yes my time here is coming to an end and i have to say i have been incredibly blessed. i am thankful for all the conversations i was able to have and the time i was able to spent with my friends.
thank you for your prayers.
be blessed
sebi
it has been a few days since i gave a sign of life.
well i am doing fine.
i have had an amazing weekend in autria with jenny katrina and jana.
we went there for the long easter weekend and had an amazing time.
pictures are coming later sometime.
i had the chance to shut down a bit and to just enjoy the time with friends and jennys familie. vienna is an amazing city and yes seing all these old buildings after being in singapore for such a long time has been strange.
we went into the city two days in a row and also visited the vienna ballet (zauberflöte). it has been the first time in my life that i went to the ballet and i have to admit that i loved it. amazing stuff ;)
we are back in mosbach since monday evening.
in the moment there is a training for some officers and engineers going on in the mill. so i do have the privilagde to see a lot of the officers and engeneers again that i met on the ship. great people who have been a huge influence in my life. people like: chris huges, david williams, jarkko alastalo, drew given, pat tracy and so many others. they will stay until saturday, which by the way also will be the day that i will make my way back home to essen.
yes my time here is coming to an end and i have to say i have been incredibly blessed. i am thankful for all the conversations i was able to have and the time i was able to spent with my friends.
thank you for your prayers.
be blessed
sebi
Monday, March 29, 2010
i feel alive
i have had an amazing weekend in winnenden with jana, jenny and katrina.
it felt so good to just spent time together and well do nothing, but also something.
i am back in mosbach and after a rough night i am feeling a bit tired.
as i try to figure out what could be next for me in the future, i am taking advantage of the fact, that i can talk with so many people who have been in my situation before.
i just finished talking with somebody who has been in the middle east and is now here in mosbach working in the office. it felt great to talk about my desires and ideas and to hear his opinion. i feel like he awoke a feeling that i shut down a while ago.
it is great to have so many people around you, who can tell you so many amazing things, but in the end it is your decision and your life. i know that i have to do what is meeting my desire and dreams and i know that if i don't i will not be happy. but what do you do if you are alone with these thoughts if somebody comes along and tells you off.
one thing i learned again in the last few days was to live in the now and here.
jenny shared this thought with me yesterday and it hit me. and today in the conversation mentioned earlier the person brought up the same thing.
you are in charge of your life and you have to take decisions and you have to live.
i can get up everyday and think about all these things that i miss that i do not have or i can get up and think about what i do have and where i am. nobody can tell me how i feel it is only me myself. i need to realize that this, being in mosbach is an amazing chance to breath, to talk things out and to enjoy the time i have with amazing friends. i can also ruin it, if i focus to much on the things i do not have.
yes i do not have the chance anymore to get up and walk around on a 95 years old ship and use my skills i have learned to keep this thing afloat. but i do have the chance to get up and talk with people i haven't seen in a long time. live in the now and here and enjoy what god has given you before you wake up again and realize live is so busy and you miss the times you had free time and not really a idea about how your day will look like.
yes i am back home.
it felt so good to just spent time together and well do nothing, but also something.
i am back in mosbach and after a rough night i am feeling a bit tired.
as i try to figure out what could be next for me in the future, i am taking advantage of the fact, that i can talk with so many people who have been in my situation before.
i just finished talking with somebody who has been in the middle east and is now here in mosbach working in the office. it felt great to talk about my desires and ideas and to hear his opinion. i feel like he awoke a feeling that i shut down a while ago.
it is great to have so many people around you, who can tell you so many amazing things, but in the end it is your decision and your life. i know that i have to do what is meeting my desire and dreams and i know that if i don't i will not be happy. but what do you do if you are alone with these thoughts if somebody comes along and tells you off.
one thing i learned again in the last few days was to live in the now and here.
jenny shared this thought with me yesterday and it hit me. and today in the conversation mentioned earlier the person brought up the same thing.
you are in charge of your life and you have to take decisions and you have to live.
i can get up everyday and think about all these things that i miss that i do not have or i can get up and think about what i do have and where i am. nobody can tell me how i feel it is only me myself. i need to realize that this, being in mosbach is an amazing chance to breath, to talk things out and to enjoy the time i have with amazing friends. i can also ruin it, if i focus to much on the things i do not have.
yes i do not have the chance anymore to get up and walk around on a 95 years old ship and use my skills i have learned to keep this thing afloat. but i do have the chance to get up and talk with people i haven't seen in a long time. live in the now and here and enjoy what god has given you before you wake up again and realize live is so busy and you miss the times you had free time and not really a idea about how your day will look like.
yes i am back home.
Friday, March 26, 2010
a week ago i left home
its been a week really?
7 days ago i squeezed my butt into a airplane and left the country singapore.
i felt amazing relieved, happy and excited i was happy to be able to see some of the best friends in my life again and i could not wait to be able to just sleep in.
now one week later, i am still not able to sleep in (jet lag)
i am glad to be here and i have learned a lot in the last few days.
i am slowly arriving, so with every morning i do feel a little bit more "home"
i made it a ritual to go running in the mornings.
there is a sports field close to the mill (15 min walk) and so i do warm up and try to get back into sprint. it has been a while since i was able to push myself into sprint.
on the ship i was more into long distance (thanks to michael).
it feels strange the pain after a 100meter sprint that does not allow you to really breath. all you can do is try to get as much air in as possible under a lot of pain.
it is funny, but thats how i feel about life right now.
the last 18 month's i sprinted and gave my best. i got exhausted and tired.
and in the moment i finished and can rest it hurts and it is hard to breath.
all that helps is being patient and trusting that the pain will leave.
we will visit jana for the weekend and i am excited.
we will meet her friends and see where she lives.
the weekend after that we will go to vienna to visit jennys home.
i am looking forward for the next few days.
but i also miss my mum a lot (ja und wie)
ok, i need to go.
thanks for reading and for praying.
good bless
sebi
PS: oh and i shaved.
7 days ago i squeezed my butt into a airplane and left the country singapore.
i felt amazing relieved, happy and excited i was happy to be able to see some of the best friends in my life again and i could not wait to be able to just sleep in.
now one week later, i am still not able to sleep in (jet lag)
i am glad to be here and i have learned a lot in the last few days.
i am slowly arriving, so with every morning i do feel a little bit more "home"
i made it a ritual to go running in the mornings.
there is a sports field close to the mill (15 min walk) and so i do warm up and try to get back into sprint. it has been a while since i was able to push myself into sprint.
on the ship i was more into long distance (thanks to michael).
it feels strange the pain after a 100meter sprint that does not allow you to really breath. all you can do is try to get as much air in as possible under a lot of pain.
it is funny, but thats how i feel about life right now.
the last 18 month's i sprinted and gave my best. i got exhausted and tired.
and in the moment i finished and can rest it hurts and it is hard to breath.
all that helps is being patient and trusting that the pain will leave.
we will visit jana for the weekend and i am excited.
we will meet her friends and see where she lives.
the weekend after that we will go to vienna to visit jennys home.
i am looking forward for the next few days.
but i also miss my mum a lot (ja und wie)
ok, i need to go.
thanks for reading and for praying.
good bless
sebi
PS: oh and i shaved.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
the silence after the storm
i thought about a fitting title for a while now, but i think this one hits it the best.
i am sitting in my cabin (...room) in the mill right now and all i can hear is the sound of NOTHING. if my laptop would not be on and i would not be tipping this, i would really hear nothing.
but then here the funny thing, as soon as i would start listening i would hear everything. the "river" next door, the birds outside, sometimes even the wind. sadly i can also hear jenny coifing next door. she got sick on the way to germany and is now spending most of her time in bed. i could hear people walking a floor under me and i could pick up conversations next door.
the silence, but also the ability to listen to things, that are more than 5 meters away is something that i have to get used to again. on the ship all you hear is the aircom, something annoying vibrating in the background. the farest thing you can hear is your cabin mate next door playing guitar (wone Lee).
being here makes everything so different.
i was walking around the other day and i could smell all these different things that i had not smelled in years. i ended up stopping at almost every tree taking a deep breath. the air is so clear and it has a taste. i love walking around and enjoying the sun and the fresh air.
katrina and i went out for a walk yesterday and on the way back, we met my old english teacher. he was on his way to his car and after katrina "kicked" me in the butt and told me i should just say hi, i went to the car knocked on the window and said "hello, i am not sure if you remember me..." i was not even able to finish the sentence before he smiled at me and said "yes your are sebastian". ok it has been almost 10 years since i have seen him or spoken to him. i would say i grew and i changed, but for him it only took a few seconds and he was able to remember me. he said my smile was what he could remember. we had a small chat and switched from german to english, as katrina was there.
it was amazing to realize that the student succeeded the master :)
it is now almost a week ago that i have left the ship.
i am totally jetlaged, which is great for getting up early in the orning, but not so great for staying up late. my body feels funny, as i am experiencing again the effects cold weather can have on you. i got a little cold on the way back in the airplane, but made it trough. jenny instead is sick and fighting with a ugly cold.
i wish i could tell you i am so happy to be here and it could not be better, but i am sure that the most of you know that would be a lie. i am ok...kind of ok. i have amazing people around , that really do help me to feel better, to arrive safely and they listen. as i am inmosbach in the moment i have the blessing to have katrina and jenny with me (two of my best friends from the ship). for both of them it is not as hard as it is for me, as they are in transition and i am in re entry. the first weekend was lets try to say difficult. still i do struggle with the thought that i am back home but not really. i grew up in mosbach so i do know the city (town) very well. as soon as i am alone in my cabin (room) and have time to think. i do feel alone, like the only one knowing what i went trough. but then i realize, that jenny and katrina are just next door and i do have ships feelings again. i feel like a ship tossed in the waves. one the one hand i am here kind of at home but on the other hand i am still with friends from the ship so kind of there.
*deep breath* life is amazing...
one thing that helps me to realize it will get better is to see some of my friends. i follow up some of the blogs of friends that have left the ship kind of with me, just a few weeks earlier. and to see how they are doing gives me the hope that in the end all of this will go away and i will feel ok.
it is funny to be here right now as their is a seminar going on right now for people who are interested in joining OM. so one of the first things that i did was speaking to them and sharing a bit about what i have learned.
well as my mind is playing tricks on me right now, i will leave this entry as it is and come back later sometime.
be blessed friends
sebi
the 4 of us Jana, Jenny, me and Katrina
a field in mosbach
sebi on the field in mosbach ;)
and mosbach itself
i am sitting in my cabin (...room) in the mill right now and all i can hear is the sound of NOTHING. if my laptop would not be on and i would not be tipping this, i would really hear nothing.
but then here the funny thing, as soon as i would start listening i would hear everything. the "river" next door, the birds outside, sometimes even the wind. sadly i can also hear jenny coifing next door. she got sick on the way to germany and is now spending most of her time in bed. i could hear people walking a floor under me and i could pick up conversations next door.
the silence, but also the ability to listen to things, that are more than 5 meters away is something that i have to get used to again. on the ship all you hear is the aircom, something annoying vibrating in the background. the farest thing you can hear is your cabin mate next door playing guitar (wone Lee).
being here makes everything so different.
i was walking around the other day and i could smell all these different things that i had not smelled in years. i ended up stopping at almost every tree taking a deep breath. the air is so clear and it has a taste. i love walking around and enjoying the sun and the fresh air.
katrina and i went out for a walk yesterday and on the way back, we met my old english teacher. he was on his way to his car and after katrina "kicked" me in the butt and told me i should just say hi, i went to the car knocked on the window and said "hello, i am not sure if you remember me..." i was not even able to finish the sentence before he smiled at me and said "yes your are sebastian". ok it has been almost 10 years since i have seen him or spoken to him. i would say i grew and i changed, but for him it only took a few seconds and he was able to remember me. he said my smile was what he could remember. we had a small chat and switched from german to english, as katrina was there.
it was amazing to realize that the student succeeded the master :)
it is now almost a week ago that i have left the ship.
i am totally jetlaged, which is great for getting up early in the orning, but not so great for staying up late. my body feels funny, as i am experiencing again the effects cold weather can have on you. i got a little cold on the way back in the airplane, but made it trough. jenny instead is sick and fighting with a ugly cold.
i wish i could tell you i am so happy to be here and it could not be better, but i am sure that the most of you know that would be a lie. i am ok...kind of ok. i have amazing people around , that really do help me to feel better, to arrive safely and they listen. as i am inmosbach in the moment i have the blessing to have katrina and jenny with me (two of my best friends from the ship). for both of them it is not as hard as it is for me, as they are in transition and i am in re entry. the first weekend was lets try to say difficult. still i do struggle with the thought that i am back home but not really. i grew up in mosbach so i do know the city (town) very well. as soon as i am alone in my cabin (room) and have time to think. i do feel alone, like the only one knowing what i went trough. but then i realize, that jenny and katrina are just next door and i do have ships feelings again. i feel like a ship tossed in the waves. one the one hand i am here kind of at home but on the other hand i am still with friends from the ship so kind of there.
*deep breath* life is amazing...
one thing that helps me to realize it will get better is to see some of my friends. i follow up some of the blogs of friends that have left the ship kind of with me, just a few weeks earlier. and to see how they are doing gives me the hope that in the end all of this will go away and i will feel ok.
it is funny to be here right now as their is a seminar going on right now for people who are interested in joining OM. so one of the first things that i did was speaking to them and sharing a bit about what i have learned.
well as my mind is playing tricks on me right now, i will leave this entry as it is and come back later sometime.
be blessed friends
sebi
the 4 of us Jana, Jenny, me and Katrina
a field in mosbach
sebi on the field in mosbach ;)
and mosbach itself
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
ok here only a few, as our internet sucks right now
this is our dining room believe me at meal times it is not much fuller
our empty main lounge used for packing boxes
the starboard lounge ready for the handover
our promdeck
my room...i know its a mess, but i'm packing
more pictures maybe later. sorry it uploaded the boring ones first ;)
this is our dining room believe me at meal times it is not much fuller
our empty main lounge used for packing boxes
the starboard lounge ready for the handover
our promdeck 
my room...i know its a mess, but i'm packingmore pictures maybe later. sorry it uploaded the boring ones first ;)
almost there
it is now 1pm and in less than 24 hours i will leave the doulos.
the last few days have been a huge blessing.
in the moment we found out that we have our tickets i was so relieved and happy.
now i can say i am ready to go.
we will be flying with imirates and have the privilagde of 30kilos.
i was a bit scared, that i would not be able to get everything back home, but i am confident that i will. i have not finished packing yet, but it looks good.
seelan is back on the ship and along with him mark dimond and edwuard david.
it is great to have them hear and to be able to see them one more time.
we will have the official hand over in less than 3 hours.
in the evening, there will be a celebration on the ship with catering from shore and around 30 guests. we will be celebrating the fact that god has something in mind with the doulos for the future.
in the last couple of days i have had amazing conversations with my cabine mate.
he is from canada and a great example for me. we have talked a lot about our lifes and about how we see what is hapening with the ship. well one of our fears is that in all these things, that are going on the ship will be gloryfied and not god.
if this will be the fact, we will have failed our goal and deserve to perish.
may god fogive those who do not look at him in the first place.
yesterday evening i was about to pack my runing cloths.
as i was about to put them in my backpack, i remembered that i had promissed michael our chief mate to go runing with him one last time. it was late in the evening, as we hit the road. he seemed very excited and so we ended up runing in a high speed that i was only able to hold up with for half the run. i queitly asked him to slow down in the middle. as we where almost back at the ship he shared with me how frustrating it can be in a marathon to have somebody getting before you and speeding up. in the moment he finished saying this he set ahead and went off. i saved my energy for a last sprint and met him with a smile at the gate, as we arrived at the same time. michael has been a huge blessing for me. he has always been there to listen, to give advice and kick me in those moments i needed it. he has always been leading as an example and his humbly attetude has been a hige encouragment for us all. he and his wife will leave with us tomorrow morning and we will fly together to dubai and then split up there. i will not only miss the runs, but more his frienldy and caring heart. we have had more than one good prayer time and i am so thankful to be accepted for who i am without being jugded. thank you michael
well as we are leaving singapore, we took the chances to say goodbye to those who became our friends in singapore. we met up with two of our friends last week and had a great time. janice took us out for dinner in a nice music bar and we had a good time laughing and sharing. dina took jenny and me out just two days ago and we had dinner with her as well. both are amazing people and both will have a special place in our hearts. thank you
well, it is time for me to continue packing.
i might take the chance and walk around one last time to take some pictures and if i get the chance, i will upload them.
god bless you
sebi
the last few days have been a huge blessing.
in the moment we found out that we have our tickets i was so relieved and happy.
now i can say i am ready to go.
we will be flying with imirates and have the privilagde of 30kilos.
i was a bit scared, that i would not be able to get everything back home, but i am confident that i will. i have not finished packing yet, but it looks good.
seelan is back on the ship and along with him mark dimond and edwuard david.
it is great to have them hear and to be able to see them one more time.
we will have the official hand over in less than 3 hours.
in the evening, there will be a celebration on the ship with catering from shore and around 30 guests. we will be celebrating the fact that god has something in mind with the doulos for the future.
in the last couple of days i have had amazing conversations with my cabine mate.
he is from canada and a great example for me. we have talked a lot about our lifes and about how we see what is hapening with the ship. well one of our fears is that in all these things, that are going on the ship will be gloryfied and not god.
if this will be the fact, we will have failed our goal and deserve to perish.
may god fogive those who do not look at him in the first place.
yesterday evening i was about to pack my runing cloths.
as i was about to put them in my backpack, i remembered that i had promissed michael our chief mate to go runing with him one last time. it was late in the evening, as we hit the road. he seemed very excited and so we ended up runing in a high speed that i was only able to hold up with for half the run. i queitly asked him to slow down in the middle. as we where almost back at the ship he shared with me how frustrating it can be in a marathon to have somebody getting before you and speeding up. in the moment he finished saying this he set ahead and went off. i saved my energy for a last sprint and met him with a smile at the gate, as we arrived at the same time. michael has been a huge blessing for me. he has always been there to listen, to give advice and kick me in those moments i needed it. he has always been leading as an example and his humbly attetude has been a hige encouragment for us all. he and his wife will leave with us tomorrow morning and we will fly together to dubai and then split up there. i will not only miss the runs, but more his frienldy and caring heart. we have had more than one good prayer time and i am so thankful to be accepted for who i am without being jugded. thank you michael
well as we are leaving singapore, we took the chances to say goodbye to those who became our friends in singapore. we met up with two of our friends last week and had a great time. janice took us out for dinner in a nice music bar and we had a good time laughing and sharing. dina took jenny and me out just two days ago and we had dinner with her as well. both are amazing people and both will have a special place in our hearts. thank you
well, it is time for me to continue packing.
i might take the chance and walk around one last time to take some pictures and if i get the chance, i will upload them.
god bless you
sebi
Monday, March 15, 2010
just short and quick
WE HAVE OUR TICKETS
it is 2am and i just ran all the way to the computer room to see if it is for real and it is. we received our flight details. i am so happy. i had to shout a few times, glad that the ship is almost empty. i am so excited.
we will leave on the 19th around 9am and arrive on the 19th at around 6:30pm (we fly with the time, so thats why we arrive at the same day)
god is so good. wow, i just skyped with some friends today and it was hard to talk about coming home, as we still had no idea if it was for real, but it is.
again we ARE COMING HOME
haha, so cool!
be blessed
sebi
it is 2am and i just ran all the way to the computer room to see if it is for real and it is. we received our flight details. i am so happy. i had to shout a few times, glad that the ship is almost empty. i am so excited.
we will leave on the 19th around 9am and arrive on the 19th at around 6:30pm (we fly with the time, so thats why we arrive at the same day)
god is so good. wow, i just skyped with some friends today and it was hard to talk about coming home, as we still had no idea if it was for real, but it is.
again we ARE COMING HOME
haha, so cool!
be blessed
sebi
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
stuff
The mystery of dreams
Isn’t funny, you go to bed, you want to rest and sleep but in the moment you finally fall asleep, you start dreaming. Yes of course not all the time, but often enough. I had a time in my life, when I had no dreams and all my classmates were talking about these amazing dreams they had about fighting against dragons or winning a huge car race. No, that was not only in kinder garden or middle school, but also in high school and even here on the ship.
excuse me? fighting against dragons and racing cars, that’s awesome stuff. I mean I had some nice dreams, like flying or having fist fights, but these dreams always ended painful for me. every time I was flying, I woke up on the floor realizing I fall out of bed (and I had a high bed) and when I had fist fights in my dreams, I ended hitting the wall so hard, that I would wake up and could not sleep again because of the pain.
Dreams, what a funny thing! they don’t know how time works, they do not listen to what we want, they always seem to end strange and they create their own world.
I just finished my firerounds on Sunday, and because I had to change my sleeping schedule to work at night, I find it hard to sleep during the times I should. So I am always tired, when I should be awake and the opposite. Today I decided to sleep, and rest nothing more. So I slept and woke up, but stayed in bed and fell asleep again. this went on and on, until I was ready to get up. The strange thing was that I had a dream. A dream that started the first time I fell asleep, but it continued. Every time I woke up and realized, what I just dreamed and fell asleep again it continued where it stopped before. This is new for me. what a strange thing. I started off, being on the ship with friends and along the dream went home, saw friends and went to a birthday party of one of my best friends back home. As I woke up and checked my mails, I had to find out, that this friend who had his birthday party in my dream really has her birthday today. dreams are a funny thing.
I used to dream about me going into my room at home, but because we moved a few times in my life, I would always enter a different room. And so would find myself as a teenager in the room I had, when I was 5 years old. Dreams don’t care about our time they make up their own time. I once had it, that I was in real life thinking about something, that I worked on as a child in my room, but could not remember what it was and the other night then I dreamed being in my room and I could see, what it was. I was working on a ship model that I later on broke while running through my room.
dreams are funny.
Well something more real.
I just finished chatting with a friend in Sydney. He studies there but just moved a few weeks ago. I asked him how he is doing and he shared how hard it is for him. he left the ship in Singapore around 3 months ago. He went back home to hong kong and organized everything for Sydney and then moved. In his last weeks, he moved into a flat with a friend, had to find out the flat was full of cockroaches and fully messed up. After they finished cleaning the flat, which took them a while, they went out and as they came back, they found the flat under water, as the sink broke while they were out. All his stuff was on the floor, because he did not had a table at that point. so all his uni stuff, his papers, his laptop everything got destroyed. He said he is fine, but you could see that it is really hard for him.
this is just one of many stories of my friends who struggle being back home again.
many who leave the ship need to start “real” life and find themselves struggling.
if it is because of a job, because of finances, or spiritually, they all hit the bottom sometime.
and I will as well. This is one of my fears going home again, that I will hit rock…again.
being away for such a long time has its price and we all will pay it sometime.
please keep us in your prayers, as we have to re adjust and get used to “real” life again.
Well, that was sebi dukat live from the MV Doulos.
I wish you all a good day.
be blessed
sebi
Isn’t funny, you go to bed, you want to rest and sleep but in the moment you finally fall asleep, you start dreaming. Yes of course not all the time, but often enough. I had a time in my life, when I had no dreams and all my classmates were talking about these amazing dreams they had about fighting against dragons or winning a huge car race. No, that was not only in kinder garden or middle school, but also in high school and even here on the ship.
excuse me? fighting against dragons and racing cars, that’s awesome stuff. I mean I had some nice dreams, like flying or having fist fights, but these dreams always ended painful for me. every time I was flying, I woke up on the floor realizing I fall out of bed (and I had a high bed) and when I had fist fights in my dreams, I ended hitting the wall so hard, that I would wake up and could not sleep again because of the pain.
Dreams, what a funny thing! they don’t know how time works, they do not listen to what we want, they always seem to end strange and they create their own world.
I just finished my firerounds on Sunday, and because I had to change my sleeping schedule to work at night, I find it hard to sleep during the times I should. So I am always tired, when I should be awake and the opposite. Today I decided to sleep, and rest nothing more. So I slept and woke up, but stayed in bed and fell asleep again. this went on and on, until I was ready to get up. The strange thing was that I had a dream. A dream that started the first time I fell asleep, but it continued. Every time I woke up and realized, what I just dreamed and fell asleep again it continued where it stopped before. This is new for me. what a strange thing. I started off, being on the ship with friends and along the dream went home, saw friends and went to a birthday party of one of my best friends back home. As I woke up and checked my mails, I had to find out, that this friend who had his birthday party in my dream really has her birthday today. dreams are a funny thing.
I used to dream about me going into my room at home, but because we moved a few times in my life, I would always enter a different room. And so would find myself as a teenager in the room I had, when I was 5 years old. Dreams don’t care about our time they make up their own time. I once had it, that I was in real life thinking about something, that I worked on as a child in my room, but could not remember what it was and the other night then I dreamed being in my room and I could see, what it was. I was working on a ship model that I later on broke while running through my room.
dreams are funny.
Well something more real.
I just finished chatting with a friend in Sydney. He studies there but just moved a few weeks ago. I asked him how he is doing and he shared how hard it is for him. he left the ship in Singapore around 3 months ago. He went back home to hong kong and organized everything for Sydney and then moved. In his last weeks, he moved into a flat with a friend, had to find out the flat was full of cockroaches and fully messed up. After they finished cleaning the flat, which took them a while, they went out and as they came back, they found the flat under water, as the sink broke while they were out. All his stuff was on the floor, because he did not had a table at that point. so all his uni stuff, his papers, his laptop everything got destroyed. He said he is fine, but you could see that it is really hard for him.
this is just one of many stories of my friends who struggle being back home again.
many who leave the ship need to start “real” life and find themselves struggling.
if it is because of a job, because of finances, or spiritually, they all hit the bottom sometime.
and I will as well. This is one of my fears going home again, that I will hit rock…again.
being away for such a long time has its price and we all will pay it sometime.
please keep us in your prayers, as we have to re adjust and get used to “real” life again.
Well, that was sebi dukat live from the MV Doulos.
I wish you all a good day.
be blessed
sebi
Friday, March 5, 2010
The final destination, our pool and me being old school
Hello friends
The last few days have been a funny, exhausting and just strange time. We said good bye to the last people, well today we have the very last two leaving. We moved again and are back in tuas, which is not that great, but at least no anchor. We hopefully had our very last and final voyage, which basically means we are now where we will leave the ship for good. So Singapore made it, well that’s how it looks like. No papers are signed yet, no money changed the owner, but it does look good. So we can take a breath and hope, that we finally made it. If that is the case, we will be on our way back home in maybe two weeks. Can you believe that? I never thought, that I would be so happy to leave this ship but believe me it is time. All the other douloids who left while the ship was still the “real” MV Doulos always said “it is so hard”. Well, we will jump and rejoice. Don’t get me wrong, we are very happy to be here and we enjoy the fun we have together and even with now only being 33 people it is still amazing.
Lukas, one of the guys who left today, had a open cabin today. So we gathered with him and just had fellowship. As the time went by, more and more people left and in the end it was only a few of us left, until 11:30pm. At the strike of 11:30, 11 guys rushed in the cabin, crapped him blindfolded him and carried him all the way up to the car deck and well he landed in the pool, followed from all the rest of douloids, which had made its way up. So we had a amazing time in our Pool last night. It was amazing. We had a water basketball fight, German speakers against the rest, which ironically was 6 on 6. With shame do I have to report that we as german speakers lost. But we had a tough fight and everybody who knows what kind of Americans we have left on the ship, will be impressed. The teams: German speakers: Tirza, Jenny, Lukas, Ben (ok almost german speaker), Matthias and me. English speakers: Tommy, Tyler, Thomas Karetti, Kyle, Trajan, Josh. Kyle as the machine was hard to fight, but we had him under control ;)
as we had to empty the pool, before we left kappel bay, we had to fill it up with fresh water. And as we had to get rid of old ballast water, we really filled the pool with freshwater, which is 10 times better then the saltwater. Unbelievable good.
it was a good day, a really good day.
One of the things, that I found for myself being on the ship is the “art” of photography. People who know me, know that I like the old school stuff better then the new things, so I started taking pictures with analog cameras. I had a post around Christmas talking about a LOMO camera, that’s one of the cameras that I used to take some pictures. All in all I used some cameras from some friends to take a whole bunch of films. As I made some friends in Singapore I had the chance to get them developed for less money, that I would normally pay, but believe me it’s still expensive. So I ended up giving 15 films to a friend and I just got them back two days ago. It was like Christmas, really I was so excited and in the moment I opened the envelopes and had a look at the films, I could not stop smiling and jumping around. Wow, they turned out amazing and really I never used some of these cameras before, but the films turned out 90% perfect. I did not had a chance so far to develop my films from the Canon EOS 5, but I am sure that they will be fine as well. I can’t tell you guys, how happy I am. As I took a lot of color slide films, which are really expensive to scan here, I still do not have all of them as a digital copy, but that’s ok, as I got a Nikon film scanner, which allows me to scan all the films myself. Well I will have to wait, until I am back home, but that’s fine. Ok, I will have to wait around 4 months, as I will send my base with the post and I put the scanner together with the base in the case. Well and shipping takes some time, but that’s fine. Really in moments like these I realize, that I think I learned to be patient. Before I would have freaked out and would have tried anything just to get the scanner back home earlier and well the base two. 4 months without my base, will be hard! Oh well, I will survive!
Well my dear friends, I hope you enjoyed reading.
I wish you all a good and blessed day.
here some personal prayer points:
- I have to decide, what I want to study and where. It is not a easy decision and in the moment it is hard to focus on this. I will have to wait until I am back home and do more research.
- I do not know, where I will stay when I am back home, as my parents moved into a smaller flat, when I left. So they do not have room for me. it will be fine for the first few weeks, but in the end I need my own place. Just pray, that I will find something, that will also suite my finances (which are 0 haha)
- That I can stay focused here and use the time I have left to grow and to invest in my friends.
- My family. Some of you know the details. Please just pray, that god will work in the life’s of my siblings.
- But the most important things is, that I will glorify god will all my heart and all my soul. I do not want to miss one opportunity to bring him the most glory, which is not always easy.
Well, that would be it for now.
thank you so much and god bless
sebi
The last few days have been a funny, exhausting and just strange time. We said good bye to the last people, well today we have the very last two leaving. We moved again and are back in tuas, which is not that great, but at least no anchor. We hopefully had our very last and final voyage, which basically means we are now where we will leave the ship for good. So Singapore made it, well that’s how it looks like. No papers are signed yet, no money changed the owner, but it does look good. So we can take a breath and hope, that we finally made it. If that is the case, we will be on our way back home in maybe two weeks. Can you believe that? I never thought, that I would be so happy to leave this ship but believe me it is time. All the other douloids who left while the ship was still the “real” MV Doulos always said “it is so hard”. Well, we will jump and rejoice. Don’t get me wrong, we are very happy to be here and we enjoy the fun we have together and even with now only being 33 people it is still amazing.
Lukas, one of the guys who left today, had a open cabin today. So we gathered with him and just had fellowship. As the time went by, more and more people left and in the end it was only a few of us left, until 11:30pm. At the strike of 11:30, 11 guys rushed in the cabin, crapped him blindfolded him and carried him all the way up to the car deck and well he landed in the pool, followed from all the rest of douloids, which had made its way up. So we had a amazing time in our Pool last night. It was amazing. We had a water basketball fight, German speakers against the rest, which ironically was 6 on 6. With shame do I have to report that we as german speakers lost. But we had a tough fight and everybody who knows what kind of Americans we have left on the ship, will be impressed. The teams: German speakers: Tirza, Jenny, Lukas, Ben (ok almost german speaker), Matthias and me. English speakers: Tommy, Tyler, Thomas Karetti, Kyle, Trajan, Josh. Kyle as the machine was hard to fight, but we had him under control ;)
as we had to empty the pool, before we left kappel bay, we had to fill it up with fresh water. And as we had to get rid of old ballast water, we really filled the pool with freshwater, which is 10 times better then the saltwater. Unbelievable good.
it was a good day, a really good day.
One of the things, that I found for myself being on the ship is the “art” of photography. People who know me, know that I like the old school stuff better then the new things, so I started taking pictures with analog cameras. I had a post around Christmas talking about a LOMO camera, that’s one of the cameras that I used to take some pictures. All in all I used some cameras from some friends to take a whole bunch of films. As I made some friends in Singapore I had the chance to get them developed for less money, that I would normally pay, but believe me it’s still expensive. So I ended up giving 15 films to a friend and I just got them back two days ago. It was like Christmas, really I was so excited and in the moment I opened the envelopes and had a look at the films, I could not stop smiling and jumping around. Wow, they turned out amazing and really I never used some of these cameras before, but the films turned out 90% perfect. I did not had a chance so far to develop my films from the Canon EOS 5, but I am sure that they will be fine as well. I can’t tell you guys, how happy I am. As I took a lot of color slide films, which are really expensive to scan here, I still do not have all of them as a digital copy, but that’s ok, as I got a Nikon film scanner, which allows me to scan all the films myself. Well I will have to wait, until I am back home, but that’s fine. Ok, I will have to wait around 4 months, as I will send my base with the post and I put the scanner together with the base in the case. Well and shipping takes some time, but that’s fine. Really in moments like these I realize, that I think I learned to be patient. Before I would have freaked out and would have tried anything just to get the scanner back home earlier and well the base two. 4 months without my base, will be hard! Oh well, I will survive!
Well my dear friends, I hope you enjoyed reading.
I wish you all a good and blessed day.
here some personal prayer points:
- I have to decide, what I want to study and where. It is not a easy decision and in the moment it is hard to focus on this. I will have to wait until I am back home and do more research.
- I do not know, where I will stay when I am back home, as my parents moved into a smaller flat, when I left. So they do not have room for me. it will be fine for the first few weeks, but in the end I need my own place. Just pray, that I will find something, that will also suite my finances (which are 0 haha)
- That I can stay focused here and use the time I have left to grow and to invest in my friends.
- My family. Some of you know the details. Please just pray, that god will work in the life’s of my siblings.
- But the most important things is, that I will glorify god will all my heart and all my soul. I do not want to miss one opportunity to bring him the most glory, which is not always easy.
Well, that would be it for now.
thank you so much and god bless
sebi
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)