god changes everything

it is now a decent while ago that i have left the ship.
to be honest the last months on the ship are more a huge messed up picture and it's hard to pick out all the small different situations i experienced. part of it is because so much was happening at the same time. people left and we packed down the ship. 6 months went by like a blink. at the beginning of our time in singapore we were almost 300 people on board and then suddenly 33. it does something with you saying good bye to so many people. there were moments i didn't want to go down and say good bye and to be honest sometimes i did not. i guess it was part of me trying to protect myself from further pain.

now i look back and i see many lost opportunities where i could have done things better. but i also see and realize that i still have the chance to make things right. god has changed my heart in the last week in a very intense way. many things happened on the ship and so many times i messed up but i got to the point where i can accept these things and were i feel ready to ask for forgiveness. a chance is only lost when you give up on it. a friendship can still work even if you hurt each other in a painful way. there is something that connects us and this something is our love for jesus christ. many people have these stories where they were able to forgive their brothers and sister because of jesus. now its my turn to write these stories in my own personal life. and i hope you will get there to one day.

this weekend has been a huge blessing for me.
for the first time in almost 4 weeks i was able to attend a church service. i had been working the last weekends and it really damaged me. so today i had a really good day with christians. there are these days when god is just telling you over and over again that he loves you. i still feel strange and some of it is because i know the answers but i don't feel them. but one of my good friends just reminded me of a song that was so often sung on the ship "strength will raise as we wait upon the lord" and waiting does not always mean we feel all happy and all joyful. you can wait on something in pain as much as you can wait in joy. be patient friend and i tell you god won't disappoint you.

have a good night reader.
sebi