life

sometimes the box you open has sweets on top but later you find out you were fooled and nasty stuff is hidden underneath.

that's how i feel right now.
it is 11 past 7am and i should be at work right now. i had called up one of my colleagues and asked if he could pick me up because i still don't have a drivers license or a car (won't have both for a while) he said yes but seemed grumpy. then i stand there waiting for him and waiting and waiting. after almost 20min i decide to call my boss and tell him that i'm still waiting. he just said that this colleague was already at the company and that he just and simply said i was not there. this makes me angry. why? because i was ready and i waited and because it shows this guy does not really like me. he could have called my cell asking me where i was or something but just leave me there is rude.

i am a open person and usually i have no problems with people but here...oh this is such a different world. i miss the south or the west were people have the guts to tell you that they don't like you. here its all secretive and hidden behind a mask. a mask of lies. arg. yes i am frustrated.

another thing that sucks is that i have to pay study fees. for all non german people: study fees are kind of new in germany and you don't have to pay them everywhere. as i participate in a dual study system which means i work 3 month and study 3, and switch, the company normally covers the study fees. well that's what i was told and believed but unfortunately for me mine won't. so now i have to find a way how i can get rid of the fees or find a treasure that will enable me to pay the money.

i am angry. at whom? i don't know. i know this is where god wants me to be but i don't feel him here. seelan said there is no plan B, i'm living plan A. and i believe that, i believe i am doing just this living gods plan. but why then has it be so hard. every new start is hard ok life i get this but why so much at once. is it not enough that i have to handle the hard work?

NO it's not and i know that god is teaching me i know this but when the mind is silent the heart speaks and the heart says "THIS SUCKS"

hmm just some thoughts on my daily life here.
sebi