Hey there I thought I might write a quick update on what is happening here in the moment.
Well it’s Wednesday and I am almost done working in the facility for crazy people.
I’m sad because I liked the work and I loved the people.
As its time to say good bye to a lot of people I get feedback all the time.
The feedback is surprisingly good and a lot of people would like me to stay. but as I need to go fulltime in my internship so I won’t be able to do so. I am told over and over again I should do something social as studies and yes it is in my thoughts. I am too late for something this year so I would have to wait an entire year and that scares me off. I pray about it and maybe god will speak to me in a clear way about this.
I will continue to pursue architecture and I will start the program as soon as I can but I will be open for change if god wants me to move to something else.
...pause...
If you know me you will know that I have discovered the hobby photography while I was on the ship.
it became a real pleasure since I am back to do even more in this direction.
I was able to get more equipment and to teach myself some more skills. Well as I am not doing any digital photography i have to spend a lot of money on the developing of my analog films and to scan them.
in the last days I was able to purchase not only a new scanner for myself but also special equipment so that from now on I will be able to develop film by myself.
This gives me the opportunity to spend less on developing the films as I only need the chemicals. On the long run I hope to save some money in doing everything myself but also to learn some useful skills.
it was last night that I realized a HUGE danger in my hobby.
I lied awake in bed last night and I was not able to sleep.
I knew it was not the heat or the stress I had about uni and work as all I could think of was the photography. Some will now say well what’s the problem isn’t this great?
True I found a hobby that is fun and that I can use to be creative BUT in the last days and well specially the last hours I realized that my mind, my money, my time, almost everything is going into this one thing. When I come home I play around with the cameras do research or go online to look for cheep film. I spend way too much on this one thing that keeps popping up in my mind.
It’s not that I feel bad about it but rather that a question appears in my mind “where is your focus right now?”. It’s not that I have no QT with god or that I don’t pray and read my bible but I realize that photography has taken a place in my mind and heart that I had kept free for god.
I know that it’s not wrong to have a hobby and I know that I can glorify god with what I am doing but if this is more important to me than God himself than I am doing something wrong.
As I had some extreme experiences in Syria with the fact that total strangers took all my personal stuff, I developed an attitude towards my personal belongings that now is and hopefully will always be part of my life. I said to myself I will never own something that I am not willing to give away anytime if it is pleasing to god. And with something I mean anything, beginning with my laptop all the way up to my bible. In the last months I have created a quiet impressive collection of old cameras.
If I now stand in my room and see them and then ask myself the question if I would be willing to just give them away or to have them taken away from me, I need a second to answer it.
I realize that this hobby of mine these cameras and other equipment is bringing me to my limits in this attitude.
Now I am facing the challenge to find a balance between having this as a hobby but not let it control my life. I see over and over again how important it is that we live a focused life and that even the smallest thing can make us turn away from the one we have chosen to live for.
A friend once said to me that the first thing we do when we are bored is our idol.
The bible is clear that idols are not good and that we need to focus on god all the time.
It’s like I have to gain control over the photography and not allow it to control me.
...pause end...
Well these are just some thoughts that came to mind earlier today.
I hope your all are doing well and that you are strong in your faith with god.
Be blessed and be a blessing
sebi
2 comments:
Dear Sebi,
I'm so proud of you, that you made a good work in the last weeks at the same place, where I work. It's a privilege to help people with dual diagnosis (psychosis and addiction)to come back to a nearly normal live without drugs, alkohol or other things of addiction. All colleagues with wich I talked, said, that you made a good work. Thank you for sharing the first weeks with me and the last both, during my hollidays allone in this place.
God bless you and be shure, you are a blessing.
Mom =)
Sebi, it's so true what you describe about things taking our focus from God.. even if they are good things. That can happen with anything.. even ministry or another person (like your child.. for example.. one day.. in the future for you!).
:)
Anyway, just to say, you've blessed me with your sharing in this post, and I like that quote about turning to your idol when you are bored.. good to think about that!
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