i feel alive

i have had an amazing weekend in winnenden with jana, jenny and katrina.
it felt so good to just spent time together and well do nothing, but also something.

i am back in mosbach and after a rough night i am feeling a bit tired.
as i try to figure out what could be next for me in the future, i am taking advantage of the fact, that i can talk with so many people who have been in my situation before.
i just finished talking with somebody who has been in the middle east and is now here in mosbach working in the office. it felt great to talk about my desires and ideas and to hear his opinion. i feel like he awoke a feeling that i shut down a while ago.

it is great to have so many people around you, who can tell you so many amazing things, but in the end it is your decision and your life. i know that i have to do what is meeting my desire and dreams and i know that if i don't i will not be happy. but what do you do if you are alone with these thoughts if somebody comes along and tells you off.

one thing i learned again in the last few days was to live in the now and here.
jenny shared this thought with me yesterday and it hit me. and today in the conversation mentioned earlier the person brought up the same thing.
you are in charge of your life and you have to take decisions and you have to live.
i can get up everyday and think about all these things that i miss that i do not have or i can get up and think about what i do have and where i am. nobody can tell me how i feel it is only me myself. i need to realize that this, being in mosbach is an amazing chance to breath, to talk things out and to enjoy the time i have with amazing friends. i can also ruin it, if i focus to much on the things i do not have.
yes i do not have the chance anymore to get up and walk around on a 95 years old ship and use my skills i have learned to keep this thing afloat. but i do have the chance to get up and talk with people i haven't seen in a long time. live in the now and here and enjoy what god has given you before you wake up again and realize live is so busy and you miss the times you had free time and not really a idea about how your day will look like.

yes i am back home.