we know.
we know so many things in live and we always take it for granted. have you ever helped somebody out of a horrible situation? have you ever asked yourself, why people thank you for helping, if all you can ask is how can i change?
we are finally down to THE number, well almost. from Saturday on, we will be 33 people on the ship and that's it. we had some bad things happen in the last week, so we are down from 35 to 33 people, as 2 people died back home and two of us now need to leave. things are strange her, things will become more strange.
today a very special couple left the ship. our director left with his wife and daughter. they have been a huge blessing for all of us and i have learned so much from just watching them and having amazing conversations with them. with them, we do not only miss our director, but also amazing examples and friends.
the last couple of days have been very challenging in the fact, that i am on fire rounds, which knocks me out of everything that is happening on the ship during the day time. so if people leave, what happened all week long, i had to get up somehow and say good bye in morning voice and hardly awake. i am emotionally down in the moment. it is hard for me to even walk trough the ship and see all the empty cabins. when i decided to stay, i though all of this will be so easy, just "normal". i was never good in saying good bye, so i thought i will be fine. but i am not, things hit me again and again and i find myself crying in a corner of the ship, where the cabins are empty, the lights are turned of and the air com is not working. when i came to the ship, i was not able to cry. i mean not because i am a "man", but because i just wasn't and now, i can't stop. funny isn't it?!
i am doing fine. i enjoy my times with god, i pray as much as i have never prayed before, i fall on the floor and pray and thank god for what he is doing in my life. i change, a lot and all i can see is who i am and who i am supposed to be and that does not really match up. you know when people leave and there is the chance, that they will never see you again, they tell you what they really think of you. and there it hits me. how can i be a "good" person for so many, when i do not feel that way?!
it is late and i am tired, well to be honest i am not tired, but its late.
...i am fine...no really
1 comment:
Hi Sebi,
I enjoy reading your blog and the thoughts of what goes on in your life. It's the only way we really hear about what's happening on board now. Hope that you are coping okay with all the changes..... it's just another season of life and even though it's very different to what it was in the past, God will still use it and he will still use YOU!
Blessings for the days and weeks to come. Happy swimming too! haha
Kim
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